Back to School

"Back to school, back to reality.."

I used to hate that song when I was a kid. It was part of a media ad that started playing almost immediately after Christmas, and signalled to me the start of another academic year. It basically called off the holidays even before it had officially ended. Fast forward 20+ years, and that same jingle elicits very different emotions. Now it's a reminder that the end is near, that I have survived the holidays with my children, and that very soon we can get back into a routine of some kind of normal.

This Christmas break was something. My first holiday with three kids was back in 2017. Bayley was a baby, and I was on maternity leave. Knowing that I did not have to return to work when the kids returned to school was probably my saving grace there. Then last year, we were away in the UK. Being surrounded by family and friends - and having Andel on leave with us - meant that I was actually never alone, and so we really did manage to have a holiday, despite being together all the time. This year, Andel worked most of the time, and I had a seven year old, four year old, and very active two year old, so my work was cut out for me.

Honestly, I could not deny the genuine relief when I began the school run last week - and on three different start dates, no less! I didn't even mind having to go to work myself. But by the afternoons, I really missed them. I missed the noise and the chaos, and all the things we take for granted but remind us of how blessed we are to have children in the first place. And when I collected them, I didn't have nearly as much sass from Zac, Bayley shrieked with delight at us all being reunited. and Sam excitedly rattled off all the new facts he'd learnt.

I take my hat off to parents. It's a tough gig. Whether you stay-at-home or work away, the demands for your time and attention (and sanity) are real and exhausting. But here's the truth: this is the most important, most amazing hard work you will ever have to do in your life. In spite of everything, let's let go of the guilt, and let's hold onto the moments we have right now by being genuinely present in them. All too soon this time will be over, and we'll be wishing we'd had more of it.

Take one: Zac

Take Two: Bayley

Take Three: Sam

Holiday at Home: Surviving It Solo

Being home for the holidays, alone with three kids, is no joke. Don’t get me wrong: I love being with my kids. I think we proved last year while on holiday together for a month, that the problem isn’t being in close proximity to each other. Rather, the challenge for me, is balancing the boredom with busyness. And let’s be honest: with the kids now being seven, four and two, it ups the ante this year.

Being at a loss for a plan, I set about creating one, right at the beginning of the break. We sat down with the kids, and clearly explained that we do not have the money for 24/7 entertainment – and actually, even if we did, that would not be the best route to take. So we let them choose two activities per week – one for during the week while Andel was at work, and one for the weekend. In addition to this, however, they had to choose at least one service activity each week that we could do together at home that benefited more than just the individual doing it. I won’t lie: this was a bit of a process. Some of the ideas were way wild like “let’s feed everyone in Cape Town on Christmas day” – I love the sentiment, but the logistics? Other ideas were, let’s say, not that selfless. Finally though, we came up with something we could agree on, knowing that the days in between were going to be keep-yourself-occupied-at-home kind of days.

I must say, I’m pretty pleased how it's all turned out. Of course, it required some flexibility. Sometimes things came up, or the weather didn’t play along, or the kids’ behaviour warranted a lesson of withholding or delaying something they we're really looking forward to. Anyway, in the end, we’ve managed to do a couple fun things that the kids asked to do, do some of the things that we need to do (like the Christmas prep, house cleaning, physical activity etc.), and do some things to be help or be kinder to others – and although the days Andel is at work are long and tiring, I haven’t given the kids away, yet.

Specs for Sam

We've had a whirlwind two months with Sam. Following a routine screening at school, Sam was red-flagged for visual irregularities, and referred to an ophthalmologist. The initial examination there wasn't positive, so Sam had to undergo further examination involving paralysing the muscles so that the pupil remained dilated - and then waiting 10 painful days (involving severe light sensitivity, headaches and nausea) for it to wear off. And so, the week before Christmas, Sam was prescribed specs.

To be honest, I have been grateful for the delay of the year-end break. All this has been a lot to take in for us as parents. Sam is not the first child in the world to wear specs, but he is the first child in either of our families to need them, and his diagnosis was a bit of a shock. I certainly went through a host of emotions including guilt at not picking anything up before, pity at the fact that, as a four year old, there's a chance he has never seen things clearly, and deep sorrow that his carefree life is somewhat interrupted now. Sam has gone through his own emotions too. At first, the prospect of specs seemed cool, but then when the reality and anxiety of the unknown and permanent nature of this adjustment started to sink in, he began digging in his heels in - and there are only so many times you can point out how many superheroes wear specs too.

Today we could collect Sam's new specs. He had just woken from a nap so I prepped him with the promise of an ice-cream, and prayed that he would not lose the plot when he realised the colour of the frame was not red. The kind assistant tentatively placed the specs on Sam's head, and he stared around the store in wonder, and then ran to the mirror. He has not even tried to take them off since. The lenses are pretty thick, and to the viewer, his eyes appear large and bulgy, but he says everything is big and clear, and there are details he has never seen before. His world has just opened up, and he is so happy.

This is the start of a long journey for all of us. Sam will need to wear his specs all the time, and in addition to this, for the next six months at least, he'll have to wear a patch on his stronger eye over the weekends so that the weaker eye can get some exercise. His spectacle error is quite significant, and all treatment and intervention is aimed at taking advantage of the fact that his eyes and vision are not fully developed yet. Currently options are limited long term, but we continue to pray for patience and purpose in this season, and trust God for the miraculous.

Happy New Year: Family Bucket List 2020

It’s a new year, and for someone who is on the OCD spectrum, the start of a new year, in a new decade is almost as good as it gets in terms of starting things fresh - so imagine the disappointment when my plan for us to watch the first sunrise didn’t quite rise to the occasion. Praise God, He’s the God of second chances!

This morning – on the second day of the new year, with overcast skies compared to yesterday’s bright sunshine – we found ourselves (most of us still in pyjamas, or partly, anyway) on the beach at 05h30 watching the sunrise. There’s something pretty special about having my little family with me, marveling at the beauty of creation, and the grace of second chances. And, seeing as though we had some time between then and when we could get a decent cup of coffee, we set about plotting our Family Bucket List for this year.

You’ll see a couple familiar items on the list (it’s important that we get to them and not just drop them), as well as some new, pretty ambitious ones. Keep watching the blog to see how it all unfolds!

Ps. You’ll notice I’ve not mentioned regular blogging; I appear to be on a losing streak!