Pause

Following a long four-day weekend, I decided to send the kids to daycare so that, if nothing else, I could at least do a blog post! And given that it's the first day of the winter school break, I thought a pause was in order...

I'm thinking about...
my untidy house. Really. It's at the point where it's so deurmekaar I can hardly see the table and floor in the living room, and I can't actually think about anything else until it's been tidied. So I've started sorting things out (I'm blogging on a cleaning break) while the kids are away, and am optimistic that we'll be able to maintain a relative amount of order.

I'm also really looking forward to getting away for a few days to Knysna for our annual family winter getaway next weekend. This is traditionally a full four/five days involving a road-trip, cycle race, log cabin accommodation and tons of fun. Watch this space for an update on how it all went down!

This is the actual house we stay in

I'm watching...
nothing. Actually, I managed an old movie last week at my Mom's while waiting for the kids to wake from their nap. But other than that,during this last term from hell (I kid you not), I could not fit in a single television series or movie or sports match or kiddie anything. Andel recommended I spend today catching up on some mindless tv - but you tell me how I'm meant to do that in an untidy home.

* I just remembered though: I plan to take Zac to see Finding  Dory this holiday - so that's a start!


I'm listening to...
tons of worship music. At first it was just to get me through the day. Now I'm looking at new music to do with my band at church, as well as some songs that we're getting the kids to learn and lead. They did their first song last Sunday, and brought me to tears. There's something about the innocent sincerity with which they worship that demands breakthrough.


I'm loving...
having a big boy. Sure, Zac only just turned four two days ago, but he's grown up so much since starting school at the beginning of the year. We have the most mature conversations in the car to and from school. He has such insight, and articulates himself so well. And he makes me laugh because he says the funniest (version of) things. The latest is "I think I'm losing my mind", usually expressed after he makes a mistake, forgets what he was doing or says the wrong word for something. Hilarious!

He is also very good with Sam. He readily assists with looking after or occupying him, and they both enjoy playing together. There have been a good number of nights, sometimes two hours after they're supposed to have gone to bed, when they are sitting together (both in Sam's cot) playing until the point of exhaustion, when they literally collapse into sleep.

Even shopping is a whole lot easier (even Dad can do it!)

I'm busy...
doing Sam's photo-book. I did one for Zac when he was a year old (From Womb to One), and have decided to do the same for Sam (Memories and Milestones). It's a painful process though, trying to decide what to put in and what to leave out, and how to lay everything out... But I have to get it done. Before the end of the holiday. Preferably before the end of the month.


I'm going to...
a seminar called "Unspoil your Child" by Hettie Brittz's from Evergreen Parenting tomorrow night, and I'm super excited about it. In 2014 I attended two of her workshops on Parenting and Grace, and it was life-changing. She provided so much insight into Zac's temperament - at a significant time when things were tough and we were convinced we were just not winning at this parenting gig - and her advice made all the difference! As Zac starts to exercise his strong will and independence, it is such a gift to be given guidance on how to develop it for good.

Tickets available from Computicket

I'm battling with...
paranoia. Seriously. Over the last while, I have heard so many stories of tragic incidents involving babies and toddlers, some international (the near miss of the boy who fell into the gorilla pen at the zoo; the horrific freak accident of the toddlers who was pulled into the lagoon by an alligator) and two friends who lost babies that was just too close to home. Honestly, I try not to read too much of anything these days, because all I can thinking of when I do is: "this could have been us". And I know I should have faith, and trust God's perfect plan, regardless of the hurts in the world, but the truth is that it's hard when there isn't really any reason that I should be spared that kind of pain. It's morbid, and I'm sorry. I'm just being real. Being a mom is the most vulnerable I have been. Ever.


I'm resolving to...
not eat myself out of (or should that be into) the house this holidays. I have this problem where, as soon as I'm home for an extended period of time, I begin to believe that I'm starving - every second of the day. And because my hunger is so immediate, I don't have the patience to cook something nutritious, and end up eating any- and everything in the pantry cupboard. Does anyone else relate?

I'm also determined to finally (a year and a half after moving into this house) put up the family photos - all of which have yet to make it out of the box they were moved into the house in. If I manage to do this this holiday, I'll be sure to post some pics!


Here's to a productive break - and hopefully a few sunny days to treat the boys! One holiday blog post down... #winning!

Zac's 4th Birthday

This year was pretty unique in that it was the first time that in the months and weeks leading up to June, Zac actually understood and looked forward to his pending birthday. As a result there was quite a lot of excitement, and a countdown that started nearly a month before his big day. Not to mention, a need for us to get him a real present this time...

Things got a little complicated though. For one: Zac's class, who are the youngest 10 children in the school, all have birthdays between February and June (Zac's being the last), and so we were attending parties left, right and centre - on three different occasions we attended two parties on one weekend, and had a run of three consecutive weekends of Nursery D celebrations! On the drive home from each of these, Zac would ask, "but when is it my party?" - and June always seemed a very long way away. Add to that the fact that Zac's birthday was after the end of the term, and we had a new challenge: to give Zac a 'class party' at school, and explain to him that sometimes a party is not held on the same day as the birthday (I know - we were optimistic thinking Zac would understand and accept that). Well, let's just say, when the big day came around, a few days after the class party, Zac first insisted he was turning five...

We nailed it with the gift *parental high five*

Well, all's well that ends well. Zac enjoyed a class party of the last day of term, which also happened to be Pyjama Day. So, in the cold and wintery weather, they got to go to school in their sleepwear, and bring their blankets and teddies to enjoy a movie. We sent cupcakes and hot chocolate for them to enjoy during snack time, and sent each child home with a party box filled with treats and a toy.

The thank you pic I was sent by Zac's teacher

Then, on the morning of Zac's actual birthday, we decided to take the cousins and close friends for breakfast at Spur. Best idea ever! The kids had a ball making their way through the jungle gym, bouncing on the jumping castle and having their faces painted, stopping only to enjoy a quick breakfast and a milkshake. And best of all: all the adults could sit back and enjoy their breakfast too!

Jorja navigating the jungle gym

Everyone on the jumping castle in their onesies

Sam getting in on some slide action

My little Batman

Enjoying some toast, eggs, bacon and milkshakes

Dom showing Ethan the ropes

The cutest cheetah around!

Trying to blow out a sparkler... He doesn't get out much

The awesome Mr Noah cake

So by 12h00, we were done, fed and without any cleaning to do. Yay!

4 Zac

It may be that I'm out of practice. I haven't blogged since Sam's birthday nearly three months ago. Whatever it is, as I sat down to write this year's birthday blog, I couldn't think of a single clever or creative way to do it. I first tried brainstorming, then rereading the last three years' posts looking for some inspiration, and then proceeded to write and delete about six different posts!

So without any frills and fancies (which, ironically, is probably how you'd prefer it), as inadequate as it feels, here goes...


My dear Zac. Somehow you have managed to fill four short years with a lifetime of memories and special moments, and I'm so incredibly grateful for them.

You continue to teach me so much and challenge me in so many ways. You keep me on my toes with your questions and observations, and inspire me to, like you, critically question things before simply accepting them, and courageously and confidently find and take up my place in the world.

You fill me with such pride. Not only are you a smart and independent boy who loves to learn and regularly surprises us with all that you know; you're also well mannered and polite (most of the time, anyway), and friendly, and good fun! You have a way of crawling into the hearts of everyone who spends time with you.

Don't get me wrong: you can be hard work! But then I suppose all the things in life that are worth it, are. I know the qualities that may seem difficult now are the very ones that, with some guidance and nurturing, will be your greatest assets as you grow up.

You are reaching one of my favourite ages: young enough to still be free of responsibilities, disappointment and worry; old enough to have an opinion; brave enough to dream limitlessly; innocent enough to believe the best in everyone and everything; protected enough to experience genuine happiness.

I promise to stay near enough to hold your hand when you need assistance; to be your safe place when you feel afraid; to be ready to wipe tears, give hugs and smother you with kisses. And at the same time: allow you enough room to run freely, push boundaries, and test out those wings.

May this year be your best yet!

'Love you forever ~ Mommy x

Sam Turns 1!

I have to admit, considering that I haven't blogged in over a month, I had to make an appointment for myself to do this (not that these thoughts weren't already in my head; I just needed an actual moment to get them down) because heaven forbid my child should become another 'second child' statistic! Truthfully, without even checking, I was going to start the pre-script exactly like I did Zac's which, I guess, already makes Sam a 'second child' statistic...

Dear Sam, my almost one year old boy...

Nothing about you being on this earth is accidental. I guess, in fairness, you could say that about everyone, still, when I think about your conception and your birth, I can't help but feel hopeful for all the things that must still be in store for you.

Before you were born, honestly, I was quite worried about how we would all adapt to you being here, and especially how I would love you whole-heartedly when I had Zac to love as well. But all it took was hearing your newborn cry, and by the time I got that first glimpse of you, I was totally smitten, and somehow you too had my entire heart. You still do.

You are the sweetest little boy, and then also full of fun and mischief, with a devilish sense of humour. You're kind of free-spirited and self-sufficient. You know exactly what you want, and you do things in your own way, in your own time (which is why, despite walking to Yaya on Sunday, you are not at all interested in repeating it for anyone). You quietly get on with the business of exploring your world. And when you find yourself in front of a camera: you readily flash that dimpled-smile and those beautiful bright eyes. Man, you're going to break some hearts one day.

I reckon being the second child must be tricky sometimes: there are constant comparisons and expectations. I want you to know that you don't have to be anyone else but who you are. You are unique and special and so, so loved. You're still my baby, you're definitely Daddy's boy, and you've given Zac the honour and absolute joy of being your big brother. Your life in ours has made us a family.

Our wish for you is that you'll grow up to be a good man: that you will dream big, live fearlessly, love abundantly, and experience the best this world has to offer. Mostly though, we pray that you will know Jesus. Oh, the love He has for you - you will never fully comprehend - and to walk with Him through this life is an incredible journey you don't want to miss.

We are so proud to be your parents, and I'm blessed by every moment I spend being your Mama.

I love you forever my beautiful, miracle, darling boy.

Pause

Well, there's nothing quite like having a pause forced upon you. I write this post from Sam's hospital bedside -  a place I find myself at for the second time in a month. It's amazing that, just this morning, I was thinking about how busy and overwhelmed I am, and how I feel like I need a chance to catch up. Well another stay in hospital certainly sorts that out.

I'm thinking about...
How to make some money on the side. Seriously. And 'through this blog' isn't an option. I used to lecture and train athletes part time, but I don't seem to have the time to do that anymore. I do love writing, but I'm not one to write consistently and without inspiration. So I don't know. Don't get me wrong, we're not currently in need of financial aid. I would just like to be in a position to treat myself and others more.

I'm watching...
Code Black and Shades of Blue. Ironically, it was my last visit to this hospital with Sam that introduced me to Shades of Blue: a police drama about a dirty-cop-turned-FBI-informant (for some reason, many of my series choices started with a single episode in hospital). It's not deep, meaningful viewing, but it's entertaining. Code Black, on the other hand, is a medical drama that has me yearning to go to medical school. I literally spend the entire episode diagnosing and treating from the couch.

I'm listening to...
Worship Karaoke. Zac has this thing where he googles his favourite praise and worship songs, and sings along. Lately though he's found these instrumental versions that he then leads vocally. It's hilarious, as he takes it super seriously. But last night, while I was laughing at him behind his back, I thought to myself: I'm pretty sure when He hears this, God is smiling wide with a full heart.

I'm loving...
Having Tarrin and the kids here. Thank heaven we went to Ireland when we did (even though we spent our house savings to get there). If we hadn't, this reunion would have been three years in the making! Tarrin and the kids arrived last week for a two month holiday in Cape Town. Having kids makes holidays a whole different ball game, but we have loved taking our little ones on play-dates, and catching up over walks and cups of tea.

Zac and Isla get reacquainted

I'm busy...
At work. I don't know what's changed since last year. I mean, I seem to have roughly the same number of classes, and the same tutor group, and the same responsibilities, but somehow I have triple the amount of admin. As a result, I am behind and always working late. And if you know me well, you'll know I don't like to be either.

I'm going to...
Try some bangs for winter. It all started when I went to a party as Dora the Explorer and wore a short bob wig with bangs. Everyone said it suited me and that I should cut my hair. I'm not really brave like that though. And I don't have hair quite as straight or well behaved as the wig. So I'm going to try longer bangs that I can (hopefully) manage, and see how it goes.

Dora the Explorer and Dr Klaasen

I'm battling with...
My diet. Still. I know. I've been Banting since the middle of December. I'm not as strict as I should be, but, heck, I don't want to suck out all the enjoyment of dining! It's been good in that I've finally lost most of the baby weight I put on with Sam, but I honestly don't seem to have any restraint when it comes to the lekker things I like - like crisps, carrot cake and crunchies.

I'm resolving to...
Get my life into better order. This being busy business is not cool, or good, and I need to make time to do other things too, like: take a weekly walk with the boys; try to get into a pool to swim (I swam in the school gala last week, and I swear I was in better shape when I was 34 weeks pregnant with Sam); read a book or go to the movies every month. I'm sure I said most of this stuff last year too. Hopefully this works out better!

Big School

Twenty Sixteen has started with a bang and brought with it a number of changes. For us, most definitely, the biggest being Zac starting big school.

Given that Zac is only in Nursery, I guess it's not really big school quite yet, but he does have to wear uniform and he will get homework, so I reckon it's pretty close.

Today is day five, and so far, it's gone really well. Zac was looking forward, and counting down, to his new school since Orientation Day, and on the first day of school woke us all at 05h30 declaring, "no more sleeps!". He then happily ate his breakfast, brushed his teeth, and got dressed. By 07h10 we were sitting in the car park of the school watching Zac play in the sandpit.

A very nervous/excited breakfast date

Dressed and ready for school

Modelling a far-too-big school cap

Zac's favourite activity: playing in the sand pit

When the bell rang, while others clung, sobbing, to their parents, we watched our little boy - the second youngest and definitely smallest in the school - line up with his class, and wheel his bag into the building. I followed closelywatching to see if Zac would be a little nervous or teary himself, but he was a champ! We had to beg him for a photo and a quick kiss goodbye. And then we left.

Independently walking himself into class

The best (only) family pic we could manage on the day

Sam already taking advantage of some solo daddy time

Motherhood is a funny thing. I'll admit, I was nervous about Zac starting school, and I often wondered if he'd (we'd) be alright. I was so relieved that he took to everything so well, but truthfully, I also secretly wanted him to want to stay with us - to stay a baby - just a little longer. That strange combination of pride and heartache has become so familiar to me...

Since that first day, understandably, the excitement has died down. While we are grateful that we are no longer woken at 05h30, we do find ourselves navigating moods and preferences such as, "I want to go to Yaya today" and "I don't like brown sandals". The days are long, and we've yet to rid Zac of his afternoon nap that he now takes at 16h30! But we are managing. Today, for the first time, Zac traveled the staff kids' shuttle on his own. He grows more every day, and as he does so does my immense love for him.

Some days it's just all too much, and I find Zac like this

He's still only little, after all...

I can hardly believe we've begun this journey of schooling that we'll be on for at least another 17 years. Suddenly I feel rather old...

Well That Was A First...

Last night turned out to be a rather unusual one for us, and one I'd rather not repeat. Ever.

Being a Tuesday, Andel was off for the morning so we had scheduled Sam an appointment with the paediatrician for his vaccinations. None of my boys have ever experienced vaccination side effects (other than perhaps enjoying a good nap after) so I thought it would be a relatively easy afternoon still. Not quite.

Sam was a trooper at the doctor. He laughed through his first injection, and only realised on the second one that he was in some pain. After a two minute sniffle in the waiting room, we left and he was happy. He even fell asleep in the car on the way home. Zac was equally well behaved, and also napped.

Then Andel went to work, and it appears all hell broke lose after that.

Sam woke from his nap in a terrible mood, and proceeded to spend most of the afternoon screaming at me from his cot/playmat/chair. No matter what I tried, he would just not be comforted. In an attempt to get a change of scenery (and maintain a measure of sanity) I decided to go to the Waterfront with some of the family to watch the carols (it also happened to be the night my aunt and uncle were performing).

Now I generally struggle with Christmas in SA. It just doesn't feel like Christmas when it's so hot and sunny. And I know that's not what it's really about, I just think after last year, I've not really been feeling the Christmas spirit. But then, as I sat in the sunset, singing along to the good music, watching my kids - Sam on Yaya's lap and Zac sitting next to Nana - I was getting to it.

And then the next moment, Zac threw up. In the amphitheatre. All over himself. And me.

Zac has thrown up, maybe, once in his life, that I can remember - when we were on the cruise - so when I realised that he and I were both covered in vomit into our shoes, I did wonder for a moment if I was dreaming. No such luck. It was definitely a case of just putting one foot in front of the other and getting things done. I got Zac out of most of his clothes and shoes (thank heaven we'd had a spare top packed in), then Nana and the kind lady who was sitting next to us helped me clean up, first the area around us, then myself.

As tends to happen when we go to malls, at this point Yaya was MIA. So while Papu tried to locate her, Zac and I (only partially dressed and smelling rather sour) enjoyed the music until we could go home.

I wish I could say that was the end. Unfortunately for us, we've had much of the same overnight, and I have done three rounds of washing. But thank goodness, Sam has been cooperating, and Zac, although still very weak and lethargic, says he's done spitting for now.

As I write this, both boys are having a nap. Funny how the peace and quiet I so desperately craved just doesn't feel worth it now...

Zac's Orientation to Big School

Two weeks ago Andel, Zac and I spent the morning at his big school's Orientation Day. To say that we had mixed feelings and expectations is an understatement!

I took Zac to school with me while Andel took Sam to daycare, and I very quickly realised how different school-Zac could be, and how little about him I knew. I suddenly wasn't sure what he'd want to play with, or how he could react to being formally separated from us in a new place. Turns out I was right - and wrong - to worry.

When we got there, a little before the programme was due to start, Zac headed straight for the playground. He wasn't at all bothered by the fact that there were very few other kids around, or that he was the only one in the sandpit. He happily went about building his sandcastle and I breathed a (premature) sigh of relief.

Then Andel arrived for the official start, and we all had to head inside. And Zac was having none of it. We ended up dragging him into the school hall. Much to our horror, while the Head tried to organise all the new students, he screamed in protest, and hid under the coffee and snacks table.

But then they were asked to go to their classes. We decided I would go with Zac and try calm him down. As we walked, one small hand in my only slightly bigger hand, I got a quick case of the feels as I realised I was walking my child down to his classroom. As soon as we got there, the teacher invited all the children to listen to a story, and that was the end: Zac let go of my hand, planted himself on the mat, and I left.

Truthfully, we didn't leave it there. In between trying to arrange uniform and mingling with other new parents, Andel spent some time standing at the window spying on Zac (just checking that he was ok, of course). And later, when the kids were allowed outside for break, we spent some more time watching from a distance. We marveled together at the little independent boy we saw before us. And our hearts nearly burst with pride.

On the ride back, we were excited to get Zac's take on things, and were shooting questions at him - to no response. After a morning filled with adventure and excitement, he was fast asleep!

The Time I Went To Swimming With Zac

I love to swim. It's my favourite form of physical activity, and I couldn't be more comfortable in the water if I were born in it. But I don't remember learning to swim. I don't recall who taught me or how old I was. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't as young as three.

For the past year and a half Zac has been going to swim school. Granted, initially it was just water safety and getting used to having water in his face. Just last week, after a shortened school day courtesy of exams, I was invited to accompany him to his lesson, and I was amazed by the progress he is making.

Here are some pics...

Zac with Teacher Neelia

Practising his kicking

Swimming is some serious business!

Blowing bubbles into the water

Zac's backstroke is still VERY chilled

My super swimmer

The Week That Was

Last week was unusually eventful - and not without its fair share of stress!

First we had the situation with Sam's tumble off the bed. I don't want to talk about it. Thinking about it makes my insides knot up, so let's just leave it at that (you can read about it here if you really want to).

The very next day, Sam cut his first tooth. At last! My poor baby has had a rough time with this teething business. Where some babies seem to cut teeth without any effort at all, Sam seems to have had everything happen to him: he's had fevers high enough to land him up in hospital, diarrhoea, rashes and a cough. And he's been suffering with these symptoms on and off for four months! So you can imagine my joy when he promptly followed with a second tooth the day after cutting the first. Two for the cost of one. And I see the top two are pushing through as well.

In another series of firsts, on Friday Andel and I attended my first ISCT 6th Form Farewell (in other words, matric dance). Before Sam was born I was all for dressing up and going to a fancy dinner, however, when I returned to work a mere 2kg lighter than my full-term weight, I was in two minds. I literally tried to get out of it until Thursday morning. When I was unable to (bring myself to) get rid of my tickets, as you can well imagine, Project Cinderella went into top gear as I somehow had to find something appropriate (that could actually fit!) to wear, with accompanying accessories, a face and a hairdo! Thank God for sisters, that's all I'm saying. Anyway, despite my lack of confidence required to pull off the outfit (and lipstick), Andel and I had a good time on our first proper, fancy, alone date in about a year!

Friday night's Photobooth

And it's a good thing too, because on Saturday, it was our 6th Wedding Anniversary, and in keeping with our custom of celebrating with traditionally-symbolic gifts, the 6th Form Farewell doubled up as our Iron (it was on a golf estate) and Candy (we exchanged chocolates) experience.

Way back in the day...

Follow this all up with an overnight trip to Grabouw, and we've had a good weekend. I'm grateful to have had some time off of my usual responsibilities (like not having to cook), and even had the boys let me sleep in until 10h00 yesterday (interrupted, but still - it's something I don't think I've done in 10 years!).

Life is good at the moment. Busy. Crazy. Stressful. Good. I'm just counting down the days to school holidays now. Two weeks. Hallelujah!

Sam Takes a Tumble

The title of this post sounds happier than it should - at least if how I'm feeling has anything to do with it.

At some point during the night - I can't tell you exactly when or how because I can't remember much about it - Sam rolled out of the bed. There was a quick cry, an even quicker reaction from me (too bad it was too late to avoid the accident in the first place), and then some healing cuddles and prayer. I felt - still do feel - absolutely terrible.

Since then I cannot shake the desire - the need - to post about it. Mostly, because, surely, this must happen to most, if not all, parents? And yet no one speaks about it! I know it's not post-worthy in the greater scheme of portraying our parental prowess, still, the feelings of absolutely incompetence, loneliness and guilt are not ones I think should be experienced alone.

This is not the first time it's happened to me. Zac took his first tumble almost exactly 3 years ago. For some reason I posted about it then, and thank goodness I did, because if no one else is going to come clean, I did. And when I read that post just now, it was just what I needed to hear to know that I will be ok.

So to the Mom whose baby has taken a tumble...

You are not alone. We have all had these accidents, and that's exactly what they are: accidents. I know that you were probably tired/distracted/multi-tasking, and you most likely usually take all the necessary precautions to avoid these things. It's alright.

I know you feel incredibly guilty. Don't feel condemned. God's grace covers and sustains us. Don't believe the lie that you are not good enough. You have been created for this, and especially selected to parent your child/ren. There isn't anyone, anywhere who can do a better job for them than what you can do.

Pick yourself up. Wipe away those tears. One day this will be a distant memory for both of you.
Embrace the gift of the present. Don't give up. Be at peace.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way" 2 Thess 3:16

Family Photoshoot Sneak Peek

I'm pretty excited. We got some pics from the nearly disastrous shoot we did two weeks ago, and guess what?! The images aren't half as bad as I expected.  

In case you didn't read the post about the shoot, please let me clarify that it was the subjects, not the photographer, that we were concerned about. Naomi Bolton's images are beautiful. Here are a few of them...

If you looked at these pics and thought "I'd like some of those", and you happen to find yourself in the Cape Town/Helderberg area, please do contact Naomi Bolton via Helderberg Photography.