Mother Luck!

Did I ever write about the time in my life that I thought I would never have children?

Basically, growing up, I was not the obviously girly and maternal type. Despite having many younger siblings, cousins and friends that I was left to supervise or babysit, mothering didn't seem to come easily or naturally to me. As a result, it was a well known joke in our extended family that I would likely send my kids - assuming I would be having any - to boarding school. Even though I knew it was that - a joke - there were many years it bothered me, and for a good couple years I figured I therefore probably wouldn't have any children.

Look at me now.

Granted, compared to the rest of the family, I began a bit late, giving birth to Zac just before I turned 29, I certainly haven't wasted any time since then, popping out two more in the subsequent five years. And perhaps in a parallel world, there would be room for one more. I think it's safe to say: this once disinclined-mother has become determined-mother #1.

I don't know if it's just having had three kids now, if it was the context around Bayley's conception, development and birth, but it's (only) now that I realise how much of being a mom is not just what I do, but who I am. And I wouldn't change it for the world. I was saying just the other day: if it were not for the fact that I need to work, I would gladly build a life around caring for and spending time with my kids.

My dear Peanut, Cooks and Bug, 

You will never know just how much I love you; how your mere existence has changed my life in ways I will never really understand or have any desire to ever undo. You are all beautifully imperfect and immeasurably precious, and you each have individual qualities purposed exactly for my teaching and development and refining. I am blown away by your unique designs, and how even though you are so different to each other, you are all the ideal fit for me. How amazing it is that when God created each one of you, He was thinking about me...

We won't always be as in sync and in love as we (mostly) feel right now. You will grow up, I will get old; and believe it or not, you will not fight each other for space next to me in the bed forever! We will disagree and clash heads many times along this path. But this you can hold onto, regardless of whatever storm we are weathering against or alongside each other: 

being entrusted with the immense privilege of raising you three is the greatest gift and blessing, 

and for all time you will have my whole heart!

Love Mom x 

Three Year Old Sam

In keeping with the pattern of birthday posts, this year I'm going to use the alphabet to tell you about your current self:


A is for Adrienne
I'm not sure there is anyone in the world you like more than Adrienne. It must be all the days you spent together at Papu's house; she's your favourite person. I was sad at us separating you into different schools this year, but am filled with such joy when I see your little reunions. I love how you run open-armed to each other shouting, "Adi!" "Sammy!", and smother one another in big, bear hugs.

B is for Bee-Bee
This is a very exciting time for us in this regard. When Bayley was born, I figured you would tandem feed; after all, Zac did too. Unlike him, though, you took tandem feeding to a level I could probably liken to having newborn twins! But - you have also maintained that you are going to stop nursing at three. And if you are anything like Zac (who said he'd stop on his birthday, and did, on that very day), the end may well be here.

C is for Chuckle
You have the most contagious giggle. When you find something funny - or are doing something you aren't supposed to - your laughter is both completely engaging and contagious. Your eyes narrow into little slits you can barely see through, and your dimples are displayed for all to admire. Hearing you express your happiness is one of my favourite sounds in the world.

D is for Dirty
I have never met a child more dirty child than you. I don't mean you have bad hygiene habits (that would be a poor reflection on me); I simply mean that you attract dirt. Regardless of what we do or where we go, at the end of each day, you are absolutely filthy.

E is for Eddie
Considering that you have never met Uncle Eddie in person, you have a unique and surprisingly great affinity for him. We can probably thank the wonders of modern technology for that. Whenever we Skype or Facetime to the Webers overseas, Eddie is the one you want to talk to, and he is the one you are most looking forward to meeting - over freshly baked cinnamon donuts, I'm sure!

F is for Fashion
I don't know who taught you this, but you know clothing brands and styles, and have a thing for accessories - always sporting caps and sunglasses! You are a fan of "adi-di-das", as you call it, and since inheriting some from Zac now have a pretty impressive selection of shoes.

G is for Griewelik
I looked for an English word for griewelik, but none seem to do it justice. You are 100% pure boy - mischief, adventure and fun!

H is for Hair
There has always been a fair amount of fascination with you hair. It started when you were born with a head of ginger hair. Not long after that it lightened to almost white before settling on a darker blonde. At the moment, your hair is also very long, and you have no plans to cut it. In fact, you would far rather tie your hair up in a ponytail (and you do) - like Adrienne.

I is for Intercessor
There is something about the way you pray that is both pure and powerful. It's clear that you know Who you are talking to, and that you are totally comfortable doing so. I particularly love how your prayers are mostly for others, and how your faith is evident in what you say and how you confidently end with, "A-men".

J is for Joy
There aren't many children I know who always have a smile on their face, but you, my boy, are one of them. You don't just smile; your whole face shines! Even when you wake up, you gleefully shout, "surprise", flash me your pearly whites, and embrace me in a warm hug. You make every morning easier just for being in it.

K is for Kit-Kat
This is your favourite chocolate. You regularly manipulate us by asking for one of these to get you to do something. Most recently, this has become your reward for a week of no potty-related incidents. The best thing about you and Kit-Kats though, is that you always share them with the rest of us.

L is for Lisp
I don't know how it is that people who lisp are usually people whose names have an 's' in them. It seems like a cruel form of punishment. Anyway, this seems to be the case with you too. It's quite cute right now, actually, but I won't lie: I do hope that you'll outgrow it.

M is for Mimic
Boy, you know just how to wind your brother up. Your favourite thing to do to annoy him is to copy everything he does or says (and you do it so well). You think it's hilarious! Another wonderful thing you do is pretend to be Dad. At least once a week I find you sweeping and scolding Zac, saying, "I'm Daddy".

N is for (No) Nappy
As with many of your other milestones, you have defied the boundaries of 'normal' and done things in your own sweet time - be that early or late. Toilet training is no different. Before the start of this year you regularly old me were never going to wear an underpants. I'm pleased to say that you now do - consistently during the day, at least.

O is for Orchestra
You have a love for music that extends to all instruments. You are equally happy banging on the drum (you have exceptionally good rhythm for this) as you are tinkling on the piano, whistling through the recorder or strumming on the guitar (that you play left-handed). You're a real little one-man band!

P is for Polite
You are wonderfully considerate of others, and display very good manners (the majority of the time, anyway). You remember your please and thank you, and live by the old adage that sharing is caring.

Q is for Quirky
There is something about you that is just a little off-beat. And it shows in your sense of humour. I love how you are able to draw smiles from any and every situation and person - even yourself - with witty words and clever comedic timing.

R is for Romantic
Ok, so romantic is a little grown up and strong; nevertheless, you are a real little love-bunny. You love to pick me flowers, and often randomly come up to tell me, very matter-of-factly, how much you love me. You thrive on physical touch, be it warm hugs, hair playing,  soft tickles or just being entwined with another warm-blooded human.

S is for School
This was probably our best idea - sending you to school. You were so excited to start at the beginning of this year, and it has made me confident that when you embark on formal schooling next year, you will be well prepared. You love the school and your teachers, and you have grown and matured so much since starting there.

T is for Threenager
I bet so far you think you've been the model child. Well, this will change your mind. As much as you are sweet and kind and pleasant to be around, you have a serious temper that, when exposed, usually is accompanied by a growl and a tantrum. I brace myself for this year of the Threenager with you!

U is for U2
The band U2 is not really music of your time, but thanks to iTunes automatically loading their 2014 album Songs of Innocence onto all devices, you are a fan. We are basically subject to their music at least three times a week. Coldplay too; you genuinely think that Chris Martin is a real friend of yours...

V is for Vehicles
You are car-crazy! At one point, you didn't know your colours, but you could look at the emblem of any car make and tell me who you know who has a car of that same make. You are the first to hop into the car with Papu, especially if it's the kombi or the bus, and we regularly find you in the garage pretend-driving the car.

W is for Water Baby
You started swimming lessons this year, and you absolutely love it! You are so comfortable, you confidently speedboat from one side of the pool to the other, on your own, blowing bubbles and kicking like crazy. It may or may not also have something to do with your swimming teacher, Alison, whom you think you own.

X is for eXpletives
While this is not something I am particularly proud of, it would be remiss of me not to include the fact that we have heard some rather colourful words and phrases escape your mouth in your time. For the sake of this being a family blog, I'll spare everyone the record of the specifics.

Y is for YOLO
There is no doubt that you have an energy, positivity and enthusiasm for life that is refreshing and inspiring. You have already grasped the fact that we only have one life to live, and should make the most of it. This usually comes with risk and accidents of which you have had a fair share. Still, it doesn't hold you back. You have a confidence in who you are, and what you want, and you seem to choose to life as an adventure of opportunity and celebration. I hope you never lose that.

Z is for Zzz
As you have done pretty much since birth, you still sleep sucking your thumb and cuddling your blankey. Sometimes seeing this newer, more grown up you can be quite overwhelming. Some of my favourite and most cherished moments now are of you curled up asleep against me.

You are so excited about turning three today (I'm still catching up on how we got here so fast). May it be all you hope for and more. You are loved so much!

Happy birthday x

Family Bucket List: Term 1

As we approach the end of the first quarter, here is how we are doing on our Family Bucket List for 2018:

Meeting Criteria:

Go - so far we are meeting bed times most days of the week (the kids more so than us though)
Ride - early in March the kids completed their first Junior CT Cycle Tour and are hooked, so Knysna may be next
Give Back - I have done a good emptying of all the cupboards at least once already, and made a couple baby packs for some teenage moms
Travel - we have set in motion our plans to travel this year, starting with applying for passports for Sam and Bayley
Visit - we are looking forward to a special Christmas visiting these precious people
Watch - we recently watched our first sunrise together, and it was a total hit
Be - if nothing else, we are aware of the need to be respectful (and are regularly reminded by the boys)
Limit - this is working well because Zac is finally able to understand the restrictions and make wise choices, and Sam just copies whatever he does
Start - we have made a point of praying together each morning before we leave the house, and it really is the highlight of my day


Room for Improvement:

Play - while we have been spending more time together, we have not really gotten the game playing part down yet
Read - bedtime is a bit of a rush (to get to bed by 20h00) so stories are not always happening then, but Zac is reading to us every afternoon if that counts
Eat - we have such good intentions here, but the boys love bread so it definitely needs better enforcement
Make - traditionally, I make the books for the children's first birthday, so I have time here, although I have already started getting content together
Cook - the plan is to do this while on holiday (I'm super excited for a white Christmas)
See - this is the first holiday coming up, so I have a date with the boys
Enjoy - the treats are probably happening more often than I would like, but at least the boys are being made to earn them
Share - we're good at saying warm goodbyes, but I reckon we can get better at giving purposeful, no reason hugs, just because
Practise - while I can't say we're at the point of not raising out voices quite yet, I am happy that at least we see (hear) this less often


Intervention and Remediation Required:

Try - we have not even thought of this, which is problematic as we are going into Winter, and I'm certainly not camping then
Explore - I am so desperate to do this, but how to do it while saving money and leave for an overseas trip is proving to be more difficult than I thought
Send - shamefully we have not sent a single postcard, despite Zac writing love notes all over the place, all the time
Create - I honestly don't know this will even happen unless I do it myself, and that is not likely
Do - procrastination is the thief of time, and despite regular planning to do prom walks and park runs we are yet to do one
Grow - in the midst of this drought, I'm not sure why I put this down when I can hardly keep any plant alive right now
Learn - we need to be more deliberate about this as so far the only things we've learnt about anything is when Zac teaches us what he's learnt at school

Comment:
All in all, I'd like to think that we're making good progress. I'm even on track with my blogging goal!
Still, I realise that we need to maintain this momentum in order to tick everything of our list in time. Let's see how well we do next term.

The Time We Went To Watch The Sunrise

Earlier this year, we published our family bucket list for 2018. On it we put a number of activities, habits and experiences we'd like to accomplish between January and December - only some of which we have managed so far, despite already being nearly 25% through the year.

One of the more simple things we had committed to do was to watch a sunrise. In theory, anyway, it is something that is relatively easy to do. Unless you live with my family: I have a husband who hates waking early on any day of the week, and two sons who have their own rather verbal ideas of what fun is. So, admittedly, in order to get this done, I had to ambush them.

I knew this past Saturday would be quiet as it was the day before Andel's Cycle Tour race, so when I woke at my usual weekday wake up time of 05h15, following an exhausting day that had me asleep at 20h00, I took my chance. As soon as the kids stirred around 06h00, I suggested we take the opportunity to watch the sunrise.

Sometimes the best plans are the ones that aren't planned. We literally put trackies over our pyjamas and piled into the car, and at 06h40 were sitting on Muizenberg beach watching the world wake. It was magical.

Sunrise at Muizenberg Beach 06h42

Even Zac, who was in no mood to go, and spent the entire ride asking, "did we vote on this? I didn't vote to do this" had to admit that catching what was the only sun on Saturday was pretty cool.

My sun-kissed Sammy

Family Fun - even with graumpy Zac

Learning that we are better together

Bundled up and bonding

We're going through a bit of a challenging season right now, still, it's been so encouraging being reminded of God's great faithfulness, finding out how much joy and life we can experience in the small things, and confirming that as long as we're together, we're doing ok.

Junior Cycle Tour 2018

You'd think that after five years of doing this, we'd be taking Junior Cycle Tour in our stride. However, when you consider that this year we had eight children in six different age/distance categories, you can imagine the chaos that ensued just to register them, never mind on the actual day!

At 08h00 it was Andel and me with five kids, five bikes, two bags and a pram, trying to get the bigger kids ready for their race.

By 10h00 they had completed their races, and we were joined by Yaya, Dom and Garth, and the rest of the riders for the later rides.

To give you an idea of what the morning felt like: when we got home a little after 13h00, which would only have been marginally later than we do on a regular Sunday once we've been to church and popped out for groceries, I felt like I had worked an entire day!

Below, in no particular order, are pictures from various people, taken throughout the day. I'm sure you can understand that I had zero time to take pics!

Duck Faces

Dabbing

Pretty pleased with his medal

Setting off on his maiden bike voyage

So keen: at the start 20 minutes before the time

Not quite as keen on this cycle race business

Seems Peyton shares Bayley's sentiments

Taking in the view?

Bonny and her babies - just missing Adi & Bay

These boys - doing it for themselves

Start-line selfie

And perhaps some nerves?

Until next year then...

Breaking Busy

I recently listened to an interview with author Alli Worthington about her book Breaking Busy: How to Find Peace and Purpose in a World of Crazy. As a relatively new mom of three, it was something that resonated with me long after the podcast had ended, because I could totally relate with everything she was saying: I know that I am way too busy, doing things that aren't all that important, and that take up too much of my time and energy, negatively influencing my health, my relationships and my productivity.

Perhaps you're in this space too and, like me, want to break the cycle before it breaks you. Here are some things I found useful:


Warning Signs
If you're finding that you're always busy, always doing things, constantly exhausted and in desperate need of a rest, although you're not quite sure when you're going to get a chance to do so, the odds are pretty good that you're overdoing it.

A good indicator for me is when my emotions are out of control - i.e. there's crying involved, impatient snapping and generally more moodiness. This is evidence to me that my expectations have gotten out of control as well. Also, I'm never late. I pride myself on that. So when I start running late, or just not getting around to doing what I must before I have to be somewhere, I'm pretty sure I have too many commitments.

When we don't take care of ourselves enough, it shows, and if we don't get it in the hints above it eventually knocks us down, literally, and we get ill. Recurrent illness, especially when we just can't get over it, is usually as a direct result of being burnt out.

Take Action
One of the things that was suggested was to, instead of making a "To Do" List to help you get through all the many things you need to get done, make a "Stop Doing" List to eliminate the unnecessary from your schedule. Ask yourself, "What are the two or three things that I’m doing now that I know in my gut I don’t want to do?" along with, "What is it God wants me to do (or not)?"

Another really useful thing is to set boundaries (in advance) around what is realistically possible to commit do. This may include limitations on how many extra murals the kids can do, or which class parties they're going to attend (because if that calendar is anything like my son's class' there's a party - or two - every weekend some months). By knowing in advance what you want to fill your time with, and what the capacity on each activity is, you'll be less likely to over commit.

Ask for help. Don't be afraid of admitting that things are hectic and you need assistance. Often people are willing to, but don't want to overstep without being given permission to do so.

Worrying leads to anxiety because of the spiral of negative thoughts and accompanying emotions. To turn the focus away from what you're bothered by, start to give yourself a truth talk, and replace whatever negative thoughts you have with truth from the Word - about who you are, and what you're meant to be doing, and how you're doing to deal with whatever it is staring you down.

  

Tools to Make Better Choices
Alli's Five Fs of decision making helps us to weigh our own thoughts and feelings against things that which either influence, or are influenced by, the outcome of our choices.

Faith – review your options in light of God, His word and with prayer

Family – be in agreement with your partner and consider the impact on your family

Future – think about how you may feel about things later on (10 minutes, 10 weeks, 10 months)

Fulfillment – consider your individual skills and talents, and whether or not they align with this

Friends – get the input from friends who have earned the trust and right to speak into your life on it

 

People, this is my goal: I want to be less busy (in general), and to change the focus of my productivity to those things that really matter (my faith, my health, my family) despite the 'cost' it may come at. I am pretty sure it's way less than the alternative. 

Defeating Day Zero

It is now (finally) common knowledge worldwide that Cape Town is in the third year of a devastating and debilitating drought that has us staring Day Zero (when municipal water will be shut off) head on.

Theewaterskloof Dam - Cape Town's primary source of water - as it looks at the moment

I posted on water saving tips last year (click here to read the post), and thought it would be good to compare what our household is currently doing under Level 6b water restrictions (using no more than 50L per person per day).

Washing Wisely: we are currently washing in buckets of less than 5L water, often sharing this water for the kids, and taking a 90 second shower only every other day. I wash my hair over a bucket in the bath using water caught from a shower, and rinse with the cleaner water caught when the shower water was warming.

Saving Grey Water: we save all bath, shower, washing and other used water, and flush the toilets using this water. We have banned the flushing of toilets with municipal water, and flush using buckets because this uses up to half of the water a normal flush (from the cistern, even with grey water) would use.

If it's yellow, let it mellow... has gone to the next level, I tell you. I have three boys living in this house, so you can imagine the impact. We have a mixture of white vinegar, essence (any) and food colouring that that we 'treat' the toilet with after each wee, however, we only flush after a poo - once a day, if we can manage it - with grey water. We also, as far as possible, leave loo paper out of the toilet to reduce the risk of blockage. Needless to say, the budget for air freshener has increased.

Fully Loaded: water collection aside, one of the biggest adjustments at Day Zero will be having to do our washing from our daily allocation. We currently do no more than 6 loads of washing per month. We are extra careful about trying to keep our clothing clean, and only throw items into the laundry when it's become essential to do so. It's not always possible to fill our front loader with grey water, especially when we are using grey water faster than we are generating it, so to save in this area we wash our washing on the rinse cycle. This uses 60% less water than the eco cycle, and we are still able to catch the water for grey water use. We also do dishes only once a day, in minimal water, in a bucket in the sink so that, if possible it can be re-used or cast into the garden.

Glug and Gulp: We each take 1 - 2L water to school and work with us for drinking as most places have already turned off the public taps. We opt for take out packaging when eating out, and also use lunchboxes - even for school breakfasts and cooked lunches - which are returned home for us to wash there.

As a household we have never been big water users. Still, by consistently doing this - even without a storage tank (besides the cost factor, we don't have the space outside our home to erect one) any without collecting spring water - we have been able to remain below 6KL water per month throughout, despite having our family expand twice since the start of the drought.


For those who are not in Cape Town, I'd like to challenge you to try living under Level 6b water restrictions (click here for the full restrictions) for at least one weekend. To give you an idea of what 50L of essential use could look like:

Source: Eye Witness News

More than the mismanagement of resources, or developments in climate change, this drought has taught me not to take water for granted, brought to my attention the insane amount of clean drinking water we have wasted on non-essential things, and given me empathy for the plight of millions all over the world for which these restrictions (and more) are a daily reality. No one should have to live this way!

Please watch the video below, and do everything that you can to not only to save water in your own home, but also to support the efforts to provide water to all people.

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Our Visit to Alphen Vet

During the Christmas holidays, on a rare but very welcome overcast morning, I planned to take all the grand-kids a year and older on an outing to allow the parents and caregivers some time to work (or relax). Thank goodness for my Pops and sister who were able to assist me, because when I did the numbers, I calculated six kids and Bayley!

It was cold and raining when we arrived, and for a moment I thought perhaps the opportunity to visit would be canceled, but Alphen Vet was happy to have us regardless of the weather. And despite the chill, we were very happy to be there.

Listening intently to the information on the animals

Not quite sure what all the fuss is about

The kids were able to learn about, feed and play (as much as they were allowed) with the resident miniature horses, springbok (one of our kids' response was: hey, they're on South Africa's rugby jersey), alpacas, tortoises, chickens and rabbits.

The Bokke

Going to feed the rabbit some carrots

Zac, on his second visit, was less apprehensive this time

Ethan: just too cool for school

Sammy up close and personal

Matthew: incognito

Jorja managed to spot a well camouflaged tortoise

Jorja confidently feeding the alpaca

Adrienne getting in on the action as well

They were also allowed to play on the jungle gym, and treated to cookies, juice and take-home colouring sheets.

The entire brood playing together

Pops walking Bayley into slumber

Thank you Alphen Vet for a great morning out! For more information on vet services as well as more open mornings/afternoons for play, please visit their website: www.alphenvet.co.za or Facebook Page.

For My Babies

For the third time in my relatively short six-year motherhood life, I find myself at the end of my maternity leave, not quite ready to go back to work tomorrow.

Maternity leave was quite different with each of you. With Zac is was  a wet and miserable winter (probably the last time it really rained in Cape Town) that had me feeling rather lonely and somewhat overwhelmed by the daunting responsibility of having my own little human to raise. With Sam it coincided with an extended visit from overseas family that brought constant companionship and support for us as we adjusted. With Bayley it has consisted, in part, of a nearly six-week school holiday with everyone (including Zac needing stitches and getting mumps, and Sam starting school), and has been somewhat overshadowed by our desperate attempts to save water in this the third year of a devastating drought.

Despite the fact that I returned to work at different times with all of you (ranging between 12 and 18 weeks), one thing about it is the same: it felt too soon.

I have felt no shame admitting to - and even posting about - being a working mom. I have said, and maintain, that I am not one who can be completely absorbed with and into my children all day. I'm not the stay-at-home-mom type, and actually am a better mother for the fact that I am able to be stimulated and productive somewhere else for part of my day. I have mastered the art of working smart, cramming hours of productivity into fewer hours of my day, so that I can experience the joy of undivided attention we can give each other when I get home. Still, tonight, it doesn't feel like enough.

Truthfully, I'm not sure it will ever feel like enough.

Something about the last few years has changed me, and I'm willing to bet it's you three. You've each chipped away at the standards that I have held myself to, and the expectations of success I have defined myself by, exposing layers of my identity that have revealed that being a mom is not just what I am; it's who I am. And there is a growing part of me that wishes I had more time to spend exclusively taking in each one's distinctive scent, venerating the uniqueness of your personalities, and holding you all close.

Chances are, there probably won't be tears (from me) tomorrow - not in public, anyway. Rightly or wrongly, I place far too much pride in my professionalism to have that happen. But my heart will ache with each goodbye, and break a bit as I part with you, Bayley, for the first time. 

It will take some getting used to for me, once again, but I'm hopeful. Because of all the titles I could have, being a good mom - your mom - is, by far, my most precious.

I love you so, my Zac-a-roo, Sammy-Spoon and sweet Bayley-Bug x

Battling the Blend between Baby and Boy

What a month this has turned out to be. A new year, eight birthdays including a 21st, 30th, 40th and 50th (I kid you not), a kid in Grade 1, end of maternity leave for me... And despite a desperately depleted bank account, the madness of the new year, and a fresh wave of back-to-work blues, the most difficult by far has been Sam.

Actually, it's not Sam who has been difficult. Sure, after the first morning of unbridled excitement and eagerness to get to school, there were tears pretty much every day the following week, but that's expected, isn't it? In truth, it's the blurred line between Baby and Boy that gets me. Here is my two - nearly three - year old, who is outgoing and friendly, and a big brother already, but he is also still nursing and going to school for the very first time, without his brother or cousins along for the ride. And I'm not sure I know how to manage this well.

Biologically, chronologically and physiologically, I understand the difference between a newborn, an infant, a baby and a toddler. But I can't be the only one struggling to find the emotional and developmental distinction? In fact, not long after starting at the new creche, I was sort of mom-shamed for nursing Sam. I don't know if it was more shock at the fact that I still nurse him, or awkwardness by the fact that I don't have a problem nursing in public. Either way, I battled with all I was feeling.

Increasingly I find myself in the grey area not knowing when to tend and when to tough-love; when to linger and when to leave, and wondering why it isn't possible to sometimes just do both. I want to hold onto this baby with his blankey and his beebee, and yet, this same boy is wearing an underpants all day, and saying words like "either"and "both"in the correct context!

In an attempt to cut us both some slack, here are some of my intentions right now, adapted from something my sister sent to encourage me:

- I'm going to love my child the best way I can. Sometimes it will involve comfort and cuddles; other times it will require rules and restrictions.

- I'm going to teach and train my child, in his own time, to develop his own unique qualities and skills.

- I'm going to nurture my child so that he knows he is accepted and supported for who he is, and not what he can do.

This is what I'm going to focus on. This, and being present, because before I know it, I'll just blink and my Baby will be all Big Boy. There is beauty and blessing of this in the blur, and I don't want to miss it.

Calamities and Cabin Fever

Anyone who has spent any kind of holiday period with kids - even more so with their own - would know the very real sense of Cabin Fever that kicks even after just a few hours of being at home. This is often magnified in extreme weather (when it's either too hot or too cold to be out), and when the holiday funds have dried up. There is one other time this may also be a problem: illness. Now put them all together: holiday + sweltering heat + limited funds + illness. That was our holiday.

A week before Christmas, on Andel's first day of holiday - something I had been waiting a while for (can you tell that I'm a working mom, completely unfamiliar and uncomfortable being at home with three kids under six?) - we took Zac to his swimming lesson. Everyone was happy: not only were we there in numbers and starting our relaxing family time together, it was also Sam's first lesson, and he was super excited! Apparently so was Zac, because he did something completely out of character: he jumped into the water and simultaneously turned toward Sam, and hit his chin on something in the pool, cutting it open.

A pretty big gash considering Zac wasn't even aware of it

Long story short: Zac needed six sutures in his chin, administered by the closest GP under local anaesthetic. To say that he was brave is an understatement. Just this past August he was admitted to hospital with respiratory issues, and squirmed and screamed the ward down when having his drip inserted. Still, this boy, lay perfectly still and without tears throughout being stitched up. He even had the sense of humour to ask me to film it - which I did.

My brave boy

Getting stitched up like a boss!

Of course the downside was not being able to get into the pool. During the holiday. In the blistering heat. While Sam was doing his thing in the water like a champ. We resorted to all kinds of alternative activities for Zac to do during these times, and he happily enough counted down the sleeps to when he could swim.

Happy in spite of it all

Then after Christmas, a day before he could take his stitches out, he woke up with a swollen face. He had woken during the night, rather unusually, screaming in pain. I thought perhaps he had earache, gave him some meds, and prepared myself for the inconvenience of a ear infection diagnosis. Except it wasn't an ear infection. It was worse. It was mumps!

Waking up with a swollen neck

Looking just a little rounder

Back into quarantine we went - and stayed until the end of Andel's leave. Fortunately (although is there really such a thing under these circumstances?) some of Zac's cousins who coincidentally had caught the mumps virus earlier in the year, considered themselves low enough risk to still hang out with us - even if it was in relative isolation.

Interestingly, eight years ago, at the same time, I was the only home with cabin fever and mumps...
At least I can send him back to school this week!

Sammy Goes To School

This morning we sent our baby boy to school.

Actually, he's not really a baby as such. He's two - nearly three, in fact. Still, he's the little boy, and because he been home or at his Yaya's house all his life so far, it's a big deal.

I'm not quite sure how Sam got the good fortune of not having to go to school for so long when Zac was sent to formal daycare (albeit with his Yaya) at 13 weeks. Somehow as things changed with Yaya changing jobs, and Papu retiring, Sam's situation stayed more-or-less the same, and he just woke every day and head to Newmans. While I know he loved it - in particular: playing with Adrienne, and accompanying Papu to Pick 'n Pay - with him due to start Nursery next year, we thought it was time to introduce him to school.

We found a place at the end of last year, and took him for a short visit there before they closed for the holidays. As a result, he spent a good portion of the last few weeks talking about his "new school (with the bikes)". Even last night he was still super excited to go. Truthfully though, I wondered whether he'd still feel the same way today.

He slept until 07h00 this morning - later than he'll need to going forward - and woke happy, as he always does. He greeted me with a huge grin and said, "Mommy, I going to school today". So he merrily got dressed, brushed his teeth, packed his bag and put on his peak cap. I looked at him for a while, in disbelief that I am, actually, sending a second child to school, and that he is no longer my baby. And I felt a little bad because he's gone through a lot of change and growing up the last three months. He must have sensed this, because he looked at me and confidently declared, "Mommy, it's going to be awesome!".

On our way to school

We took a family trip to school this morning. We all went in. We all watched him eat breakfast. And we all lingered for a bit. We were probably all waiting for the tears too, which threatened for us all when Sam asked, "Can Zac-i stay with me?". But then all it took was a little tour of his classroom - and the little toilets he can use - and he was ready and rearing to go. He gave me a huge hug and a kiss, whispered, "I love you" into my ear, and went off with his teacher.

Skater-boy Sam, ready to roll

Sammy Spoon, I am so proud of you. You are growing up so fast, and so beautifully, and with so much grace for all the changes we've enforced on you lately. I know you're going to love being in this environment where you can learn and play and find out more about who you are. And you're right, my boy, it is going to awesome!

A Special Klaasen Christmas

Christmas in London

I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps is the markets full of treats and mulled wine. Maybe it's all the bright lights and festive decorations. It could be the snow and the fact that the sun goes down at 15h30 so you can snuggle up in front of the fire with something/someone warm. Whatever it is, Christmas is so much more Christmasy in the Northern Hemisphere. And so I struggle to get into the spirit here at home.

Christmas in Cape Town

Leading up to this past Christmas I had been thinking about  how we can make things more special for our little family without it becoming too hectic and stressful. (note I said 'special' and not 'meaningful'. I think we fully understand and appreciate the real reason for the season, I just think our lack of commercial interest can put a damper on all the other things). We usually go to Andel's parents for Christmas Eve. We trek there with a million bags and presents, do a huge, traditional family dinner, and then open gifts at midnight before collapsing into bed. We then make a rushed trip home the next day, and meet up with my family around mid-afternoon for Christmas desserts and the epic drama that is Secret Santa. As much as it is definitely fun-filled, it's easy to get lost in the busyness, and just end up going with the overwhelming flow.

This year however, we did things a little differently...

This year, for the first time in 10 years (since Andel and I have been together) we stayed home. It wasn't actually our intention, but a series of events, miscommunication and coincidental decisions resulted in us having zero plans for Christmas weekend. It was wonderfully liberating, to be honest, and meant we could let the kids set the tone for the celebrations. You see, we had never bought our kids Christmas gifts before (the jury is still out on whether we should feel proud or embarrassed by that fact), so they were not expecting anything from us. They were, however, expected a rather big something from Santa.

The boys at Postcards from Bethlehem '17

Bayley meets Santa

The kids had written a letter (which before I intervened look more like ransom demands), and were confident they'd be getting their chosen gifts from him on Christmas morning. So, we bit the bullet, bought the gifts, and leading up to the big day filled our usually sparsely decorated home with seasonal paraphernalia - and, like any good parents, continually threatened to cancel their order with Santa each time they misbehaved.

On Christmas Eve the boys were so excited, they could not go to sleep. They eventually collapsed right where they were close to 23h30 - just in time for Santa to still pop around. And he did not disappoint. He came in through the backdoor that we left unlocked (because we don't have a chimney), hurriedly consumed the milk and cookies left for him (apparent by the mess left on the counter), and left his footprints all over the kitchen and lounge.

Christmas Eve story-time with Aunty Dom

Cookies and milk for Santa

Thank heaven for small mercies. Following the late night the kids had - and even later night for us Santa - not even the magic of Christmas could wake the boys before 08h00. When they did wake, however, the were overflowing with spirit - especially when they saw that Santa had delivered on their demands - I mean, requests.

Look what Santa delivered

Happiness #1

Happiness #2

Santa Bayley

We spent the laziest morning setting the boys' bikes up, and taking turns taking them up and down the street in Andel's helmet before going to check in with Andel's Ma and ailing Pa. We had a quiet, low-key and non-traditional lunch, followed by a power-nap before catching up with our families later the afternoon. We exchanged desserts and Secret Santa, and caught up with our loved ones until late into the night. When we got home we had full bellies and full hearts. And it felt good.

Annual Christmas Family Pic (and whatsapp group icon)

The truth is: I'm terrible at these family days. I find them stressful when we are all trying to attain this unrealistic measure of perfection: perfect food, perfect decor, perfect gifts, perfect relationships. It's exhausting! As a result, I decided long ago that I would limit my kids' exposure to that chaos, and create our own Christmas traditions with far simpler celebrations. We aren't quite there yet. This Christmas was an anomaly; I'm sure we'd be expected to do what we've done previous years. Still, I'm realising that, as my family grows, our focus turns inward to our nuclear family, and we make decisions with our kids in mind, and what best suited for us to create lasting memories and experiences for them. There was something so special about waking up together on Christmas morning, just us five...

Coincidental colour-coordination on Christmas Eve

So, who knows what will happen next Christmas. Whether we'll get around to a Christmas movie, matching pyjamas, or exchanging books to read through the night - we'll have to wait and see. All I know for sure is that we're preparing for Santa on Christmas eve, and cooking Christmas lunch (as per our Family Bucket List), and, no doubt, doing our own special brand of Klaasen Christmas - wherever we may be!