Lockdown Day 5 - Through the Eyes of a Child

I'm currently employed as an educator in an International School. What this means in the time of lockdown is that I am still teaching, via a virtual learning plan. As a parent, it means I am also loosely homeschooling my three kids with the help of online resources. Here are a few things I learnt today about how the kids - my school ones and my biological ones - are dealing with all of this.

This morning Sam, my newly five-year-old, had his first class interaction online. He was thoroughly overwhelmed. Andel was at the helm while I was helping Zac with his grade 3 work revision, and Sam vacillated between saying absolutely nothing, and throwing one of those tantrums I wrote about yesterday. Apparently Sam thought he was just going to be meeting up with his best friend; he didn't expect to see 12 other faces on a screen, including his teacher's.

Not long after that, I had an online "face-to-face" session with my kids. My first question to them was to find out how they were coping. Keep in mind, some of these kids are oversees either having vacated South Africa very quickly (like pack up your life in three days, kind of quickly), or having been away over our mid-semester break, and not being able to return. Some of them are exhausted from travel, relocation, and insane contact hours to maintain their South African school schedule. Some of them are sleeping in during our online sessions that range anywhere from local 08h00 to 15h00. Many of them, especially the older ones, are swamped with work and anxiety. All of them are missing interaction with their peers, and mourning the many activities they were looking forward to this term that are probably never going to happen for them. A few of them just didn't pitch up.

Interestingly enough, I also had a staff meeting today where these things were discussed, and upon reflection I have these thoughts:

* All of us who are working from home are feeling the pressure of needing to do more than we usually do. For the kids it's about needing to keep up; for the adults about needing to justify the wage we trust is still coming.

* The misconception about working from home and studying online is that there is an infinite about of time to do things. While I guess I can understand the logic of that in theory. In reality though, if everyone is expecting more that usual based on this, the net result is less time, not more.

* Connected to this: there are no office hours for online work. The day blurs into the night, and the week blurs into the weekend, instead of being more relaxed, we become more stressed.

* Suddenly the pastoral role of the teacher is almost greater than that of subject expert or master facilitator. In my 14 years of teaching I don't think I've had more meaningful influence that I have right now, and if I don't set healthy boundaries - for myself, my classes and my children - we will burn out before this lockdown is over.

Over and out. It's time an early night, I think.

Lockdown Day 4 - Birthdays

Birthdays. What have we made them? When did it become to important to have guests, and cake, and gifts?

In our family we have had three birthdays in two days in our family, and still have another to come on Wednesday. Under normal circumstances, this would be a very busy week. Two of the birthdays are on my husband's side, so it would involve traveling out of town, and then coming back for the other two. We eat way too much of what we probably shouldn't have, and spend a lot of money that we sometimes don't have. Don't get me wrong: we don't do any of this unwillingly; it just seems a little crazy now. All because, this year, there was none of that.

Being in lockdown means that my father-in-law's 70th birthday party that should have happened the past weekend did not happen. We were all pretty disappointed. He is the first member of his family to live that long, and his life is something to be celebrated. Everything that been planned and booked and prepared, and then had to be cancelled - but you know what? We decided to have a little pre-birthday dinner with the family last Wednesday, and then yesterday my mother-in-law prepared a beautiful breakfast spread for him on their patio. It looked like they could have been at a fancy hotel. It was perfect.

Today was Sam's birthday. He realised only yesterday that he would not be having a party. To be honest, he probably didn't realise right then that he would not be getting a present either (his request was a hamster, and that is not something you can hide in the house for a week before). He only turned five, so I wasn't expecting it to go as smoothly as it did with my father-in-law, but you know what? He started his day with a birthday cake and card, then his classmates and friends all sent him the most amazing video messages, and we ended the day with an international family Zoom chat - all of which totally made his day.

Today's lockdown lesson is that the most valuable thing you can give someone else is your presence. Gifts are great, but they aren't the goal. I, for one, managed to make a successful cake (with homemade dulce de leche topping), had zero stress, and fully engaged with my birthday boy the entire day. I'm not really a birthday person myself, but I could get used to this.

Sam: My Favourite Five

No one could have guessed that this year Sam would be spending his birthday in lockdown, and when the realisation eventually dawned on him yesterday, he was bitterly disappointed that no one would be able to celebrate with him. I know this post and my lastminute.com cake is not going to do much to make up for it, still, I wouldn't let this day go by without a special celebration focusing on just five of the many things I love about our new five-year-old.


1. Selfless
Look, no one is entirely selfless, still, at his core, Sam is all about everyone else. He is the sweetest little boy who will, without prompting, come to me when I'm feeling ill, rest the back of his hand on my head, and say, "you rest Mama, I'll look after you". He shares everything with his siblings. I'm not kidding. And will even sacrifice his beloved Blankey to cover his sister if she is cold. Listen, the fact that he will bowl to Zac for hours on end is already medal-worthy, in my opinion.

2. Sensitive
Like his dad, despite a big physical presence, Sam is a softie. He is kind and considerate - like he'll design a birdhouse with two floors - one closed, the other open, so that they can decide where they want to be. This past Summer when Australia had those devastating fires, he would cry as he prayed for the protection of the people and animals in the affected areas, and wake every morning asking if the fires had been put out yet. He cares greatly for his friends, hates seeing people get hurt, and loves a good cuddle. He feels everything deeply - from a good belly laugh to an earth-trembling tantrum.

3. Stout
Stout is the Afrikaans word for naughty, and boy, if Sam wants to be he can be helluva naughty! That tantrum I mentioned comes with an impressive roar and a serious sulk. But it doesn't last long. Sam is pretty quick to say sorry, and most of the trouble he lands himself in stems from his sense of adventure and mischief. Lately these things have included smashing guavas (from our neighbour's tree) into our walls, teaching Bayley to urinate in the yard, and creating flavoured water by adding twigs and other greenery to ours.

4. Spiritual
Sam really loves the Lord. I thought he'd be too young to really understand much about our faith, but Jesus wasn't kidding when He said we need to be like kids to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Not too long ago, he and Zac were asking me about Father Christmas, and how you can know whether or not he is real. In conversation, I asked, "How do you know God is real?". Both boys were confident, "That's obvious! He hears us when we pray. Look at all the things He's made and done". Most recently Sam has also taken to wanting to sing in my band at church. I discouraged this for a while thinking it may be seen as a distraction - or my family overthrowing the other band members - but I have seen my boy worship, and He does it in spirit and in truth, with his whole heart.

5. Surprising
I think the most encompassing thing about Sam is that he never ceases to surprise us, in the most amazing ways. I remember when, at his first birthday, he still wasn't speaking much, and then, a couple weeks later, he just started chatting away in these full sentences, like it was there all along. And that's pretty much how he lives his life - along his own path, according to his own schedule. And that has been his greatest gift to me; to get me to slow down, and enjoy things like he does. I have seen him develop into this talented artist, hard-working sportsman, creative designer, and resilient worker. I can't even begin to imagine what he'll show us next.

This past year has come with its challenges, the biggest being Sam having to get specs to try to save his eyesight. God has been so gracious to him, and Sam has taken everything in his stride, with that megawatt smile on his face. I am so grateful for the gift Sam is to me, and to our family.

We love you so much, Super Sam! Happy birthday, big boy!

Lockdown Day 3 - Kitchen Things

Do you know what has bothered me most about this lockdown so far? Cooking. I'm not the world's top kitchen queen, and would far rather decorate a cake or plate a meal than actually make it, so this idea of having to make multiple meals a day, 7 days a week is taking its toll. There's no relief of a ready-made meal (those are always sold out by the time I get online) or the luxury of someone else making the food for me. Not only am I running out of food; I'm running out of ideas too.

Add to that the fact that it is Sam's 5th birthday tomorrow. It's panic stations here. Of course, we aren't going to have anyone coming around, so you would think that I am off the hook, so to speak - but since when has a five-year-old cancelled a party? No, my Sam had his heart set on a Pikachu cake. I searched and searched for something I thought I may be able to pull off. I found a 3-ingredient sponge cake recipe, and I was just about to make the icing when Sam remembered that he, like his brother and father, hated icing. His solution: I was going to have to eat all the icing off the cake before they ate it. It was a hard no from me.

The cake Sam actually wanted

Eventually, Sam settled on an alternative: cake with caramel. Of course, I had no caramel.

Thank the Lord for the internet and the copious amount of Bigger Bolder Baking I have had to watch with the boys over the years. There I found a caramel recipe, and quickly decided that was not something I was going to try under lockdown conditions. Fortunately, on that same page was a link to Homemade Dulce de Leche, which is even yummier than caramel, and so I spent my evening (seriously, it takes over 2hrs to make) doing that.

So here's another thing lockdown has brought me: I have been forced to make do with what I have at my disposal, including my seemingly limited skill. And the funny thing is, when you know there are no other options, your effort often exceeds your expectation.

Of course, we haven't actually had the cake yet. I'll let you know tomorrow how it really turned out.

Lockdown Day 2 - What Saturdays are Made Of

Lockdown is what Saturdays are made for!

Today, for the first time in at least eight years, it was Saturday, and I did absolutely nothing. Of course, it helps when you can't actually go anywhere to do anything else. Still, it was pretty heavenly. I slept it, did some stretch with Andel, had bunch at 12h00, took a two-hour nap, and watched series in bed. It made me realise that for the longest time, I have been using Saturdays to catch up on things that I feel I have missed out on during the week. This has ranged from simply being able to break from routine and get out of the house, to catching up on all the household responsibilities that we require to be in place to function from Monday to Friday. In short, I have been living for a weekend to prepare for the week, and really, that's not living at all.

So even though it's only Day 2, already I see immense benefit this forced shutdown is bringing to my toxic way of life. I have missed this feeling of relaxation and cheerful productivity. I see more and more how this experience can be the start of something brand new and healthy for people and families all over the world, beginning with me.

Lockdown Day 1 - Into the Trenches

When approaching a 21-day home isolation with your family, what would you rather have: a good day, getting off to a positive start, while knowing that things are not always going to be that good, or would you rather a not-so-good day, knowing that things can only get better?

This was my question to myself last night. It's easy to build up the unknown into something negative. After all, that's what we've coming to expect right? I thought back to the times that I could not manage my kids for an hour, and calculated dismal chances of survival during this lockdown. Then I thought about the fact that I've already been home with them two weeks, so maybe (hopefully) we would already be in a routine that would not be too difficult to stick to. Turns out, it's a bit of both.

Today was another normal homeschooling day, except that Andel was here. If you know Andel, you know that he is not a morning person (not for non-cycling things, anyway), and when I woke him at 07h30 to say he should get up and dressed so not be late for his first day, he was not impressed. I'm not kidding: it took a home workout and two cups of coffee in an hour for him to perk up. School time was interesting. I likened it to the first day having a student teacher or substitute shadowing you. You know they can do it, but they're reluctant to take initiative at first. Of course, Andel is good with the kids, and they love having him home - he's their dad after all. Not much work got done though. So I laughed when, at nap time, Andel said, "I really think we've done a good job today. They're all sleeping. It's been productive. Now I'm going to relax." I had to remind him that we were only half way through the day and the workload. He nearly passed out.

Thankfully tomorrow is the weekend, and I am looking forward to it. We have been intentional about making this time about being together, and doing things that often we swap out for things away from home that we feel are more interesting, or that we don't want to miss out on. I, for one, cannot wait to sleep in good and proper tomorrow morning. There'll be no cricket matches, no appointments, no grocery shopping, no playdates or parties... I feel more relaxed already!

So there's day one, done and dusted. Another 20 more (at least) to go.

A makeshift multi-grade classroom at the dining table

ps. I fell asleep before I could order my groceries last night. Fortunately my alarm still goes off after 06h00, so I had my order in before 07h00, and delivered to my front door by 11h00. For all the locals who do their shopping at Checkers, download their Sixty60 app, and try it out. Delivery is free!

Lockdown

The past three weeks have been incredible. One minute I was at work, discussing the probability to COVID-19 coming to South Africa, and in seemingly the next, I am heading to bed after my last permissible day outside, with the local infection number sitting close to 1000.

Three days ago the President of South Africa issued a national lockdown beginning at midnight tonight for 21-days, to combat the rapid spread of the virus. I think deep down, everyone knows it the right move. Still, I don't think anyone of this generation can imagine what's to come.

And perhaps that is why I'm going to record each day on this platform. The novelty, coupled with the fact that I am on a social media fast, should gain some interesting perspectives, especially since being locked down without Facebook and Twitter (those are the only ones I use - I'm over 35 so it shouldn't come as a surprise) I genuinely don't know what's going on outside of our space.

Speaking of which... Here are, in an entirely random non-order, some of my immediate thoughts:

- Our home is pretty small. It's never bothered us; we've always just wanted a proper yard. I have a feeling it's going to get even smaller.
- I have already been home with all three kids for nearly two weeks after the abrupt school closure just before the scheduled holiday. Up until now I've been able to take them outside daily.
- Andel has been working so tomorrow will be his first day at home with us.
- The three biggest things I'm juggling right now is: homeschooling the kids, teaching my classes online, and trying to stay up to date on my own studies. I have never felt more insane.
- For kids who know quite a bit about Corona Virus, mine are pretty unfazed by its proximity to us. While they diligently wash their hands, and try (sometimes not so successfully) not to touch things, they are not afraid. Zac is more concerned that I am not shopping like everyone else.
- Our home is incredibly peaceful, and there is a real expectation during this waiting. Let's hope it's still there tomorrow.

Wishing you all good health, and safety during this time. I'm off to try get my grocery order in when it opens at 00h00.

Faith Like Zac

The kids of the world can teach us adults so much, if we only just stopped to take note of them. The issue of faith is something that, repeatedly, I am schooled on by my children. And I don't mean a pie-in-the-sky type of faith where we believe that somehow, somewhere what we hope for becomes our reality. I'm talking about real, specific, demanding faith.

Zac in particular has been one of very bold faith. He approaches God with the entitlement of a child who knows their Father is the Creator of the universe. From an early age, he would wow and shame me with his declarations, fearlessly insisting, despite the heavy clouds in the sky, that God would open the sky and bring sunshine because that day was his swimming day. Not much has changed.

At the start of the year, while watching the cricket, I realised that the children walking the Proteas out onto the field were from a local cricket club - and not just any local club; the children were from the local cricket club Zac was going to play for. Knowing this would be disappointing for him, we broke the news gently. Of course he was upset; he's seven, after all. But he surprised me with his upbeat response. "I know," he said, "but I'll get another chance." I didn't have the heart to explain to his bright mind just how slim that chance was, so I left it.

Then one day, less than four weeks later, I had a message on my desk to call my dad. I hate those messages, by the way. They never fully inform you about the context, and my default is to assume that something is wrong. Of course, I called back immediately.
"Can you get the school to allow Zac to leave early next Tuesday?," he asked
"Tuesday? Why? What's happening on Tuesday?," I asked, not entirely sure if I'd missed something important.
"I got him into the group of boys walking the Proteas out at Newlands. But don't tell him; let it be a surprise!"

As an avid cricket supporter, and a wanna-be-great mom, I was so excited for him. I could't disguise the wide smile that broke out on my face. And then I laughed. It was one of those deep, long laughs where I imagined God saying, "look what I have done", and me answering in reply, "of course You did!".

Yesterday was the big day, and when Papu collected Zac from school, and finally told him about the plan, Zac confidently told him he already knew. When the moment arrived, he proudly walked onto the field (I was watching from my classroom on my laptop). When I saw the first glimpse of him, my heart leapt, and then I must admit: I was bummed. He had landed up standing with the umpire. I asked him about this when he got home after the game:
"Zac, were you a little disappointed to be standing with the umpire?" I asked gently.
"Mom, I was literally standing next to Quinton de Kock the whole time," he said bouncing excitedly as he talked. "Why would you think that I would be upset?!"

Yes, I would do well to be more like Zac sometimes...

Back to School

"Back to school, back to reality.."

I used to hate that song when I was a kid. It was part of a media ad that started playing almost immediately after Christmas, and signalled to me the start of another academic year. It basically called off the holidays even before it had officially ended. Fast forward 20+ years, and that same jingle elicits very different emotions. Now it's a reminder that the end is near, that I have survived the holidays with my children, and that very soon we can get back into a routine of some kind of normal.

This Christmas break was something. My first holiday with three kids was back in 2017. Bayley was a baby, and I was on maternity leave. Knowing that I did not have to return to work when the kids returned to school was probably my saving grace there. Then last year, we were away in the UK. Being surrounded by family and friends - and having Andel on leave with us - meant that I was actually never alone, and so we really did manage to have a holiday, despite being together all the time. This year, Andel worked most of the time, and I had a seven year old, four year old, and very active two year old, so my work was cut out for me.

Honestly, I could not deny the genuine relief when I began the school run last week - and on three different start dates, no less! I didn't even mind having to go to work myself. But by the afternoons, I really missed them. I missed the noise and the chaos, and all the things we take for granted but remind us of how blessed we are to have children in the first place. And when I collected them, I didn't have nearly as much sass from Zac, Bayley shrieked with delight at us all being reunited. and Sam excitedly rattled off all the new facts he'd learnt.

I take my hat off to parents. It's a tough gig. Whether you stay-at-home or work away, the demands for your time and attention (and sanity) are real and exhausting. But here's the truth: this is the most important, most amazing hard work you will ever have to do in your life. In spite of everything, let's let go of the guilt, and let's hold onto the moments we have right now by being genuinely present in them. All too soon this time will be over, and we'll be wishing we'd had more of it.

Take one: Zac

Take Two: Bayley

Take Three: Sam

Holiday at Home: Surviving It Solo

Being home for the holidays, alone with three kids, is no joke. Don’t get me wrong: I love being with my kids. I think we proved last year while on holiday together for a month, that the problem isn’t being in close proximity to each other. Rather, the challenge for me, is balancing the boredom with busyness. And let’s be honest: with the kids now being seven, four and two, it ups the ante this year.

Being at a loss for a plan, I set about creating one, right at the beginning of the break. We sat down with the kids, and clearly explained that we do not have the money for 24/7 entertainment – and actually, even if we did, that would not be the best route to take. So we let them choose two activities per week – one for during the week while Andel was at work, and one for the weekend. In addition to this, however, they had to choose at least one service activity each week that we could do together at home that benefited more than just the individual doing it. I won’t lie: this was a bit of a process. Some of the ideas were way wild like “let’s feed everyone in Cape Town on Christmas day” – I love the sentiment, but the logistics? Other ideas were, let’s say, not that selfless. Finally though, we came up with something we could agree on, knowing that the days in between were going to be keep-yourself-occupied-at-home kind of days.

I must say, I’m pretty pleased how it's all turned out. Of course, it required some flexibility. Sometimes things came up, or the weather didn’t play along, or the kids’ behaviour warranted a lesson of withholding or delaying something they we're really looking forward to. Anyway, in the end, we’ve managed to do a couple fun things that the kids asked to do, do some of the things that we need to do (like the Christmas prep, house cleaning, physical activity etc.), and do some things to be help or be kinder to others – and although the days Andel is at work are long and tiring, I haven’t given the kids away, yet.

Specs for Sam

We've had a whirlwind two months with Sam. Following a routine screening at school, Sam was red-flagged for visual irregularities, and referred to an ophthalmologist. The initial examination there wasn't positive, so Sam had to undergo further examination involving paralysing the muscles so that the pupil remained dilated - and then waiting 10 painful days (involving severe light sensitivity, headaches and nausea) for it to wear off. And so, the week before Christmas, Sam was prescribed specs.

To be honest, I have been grateful for the delay of the year-end break. All this has been a lot to take in for us as parents. Sam is not the first child in the world to wear specs, but he is the first child in either of our families to need them, and his diagnosis was a bit of a shock. I certainly went through a host of emotions including guilt at not picking anything up before, pity at the fact that, as a four year old, there's a chance he has never seen things clearly, and deep sorrow that his carefree life is somewhat interrupted now. Sam has gone through his own emotions too. At first, the prospect of specs seemed cool, but then when the reality and anxiety of the unknown and permanent nature of this adjustment started to sink in, he began digging in his heels in - and there are only so many times you can point out how many superheroes wear specs too.

Today we could collect Sam's new specs. He had just woken from a nap so I prepped him with the promise of an ice-cream, and prayed that he would not lose the plot when he realised the colour of the frame was not red. The kind assistant tentatively placed the specs on Sam's head, and he stared around the store in wonder, and then ran to the mirror. He has not even tried to take them off since. The lenses are pretty thick, and to the viewer, his eyes appear large and bulgy, but he says everything is big and clear, and there are details he has never seen before. His world has just opened up, and he is so happy.

This is the start of a long journey for all of us. Sam will need to wear his specs all the time, and in addition to this, for the next six months at least, he'll have to wear a patch on his stronger eye over the weekends so that the weaker eye can get some exercise. His spectacle error is quite significant, and all treatment and intervention is aimed at taking advantage of the fact that his eyes and vision are not fully developed yet. Currently options are limited long term, but we continue to pray for patience and purpose in this season, and trust God for the miraculous.

Happy New Year: Family Bucket List 2020

It’s a new year, and for someone who is on the OCD spectrum, the start of a new year, in a new decade is almost as good as it gets in terms of starting things fresh - so imagine the disappointment when my plan for us to watch the first sunrise didn’t quite rise to the occasion. Praise God, He’s the God of second chances!

This morning – on the second day of the new year, with overcast skies compared to yesterday’s bright sunshine – we found ourselves (most of us still in pyjamas, or partly, anyway) on the beach at 05h30 watching the sunrise. There’s something pretty special about having my little family with me, marveling at the beauty of creation, and the grace of second chances. And, seeing as though we had some time between then and when we could get a decent cup of coffee, we set about plotting our Family Bucket List for this year.

You’ll see a couple familiar items on the list (it’s important that we get to them and not just drop them), as well as some new, pretty ambitious ones. Keep watching the blog to see how it all unfolds!

Ps. You’ll notice I’ve not mentioned regular blogging; I appear to be on a losing streak!

2019 Progress Report

After the success we had on the Family Bucket List earlier this year, I really thought we were going to blaze through them. And then life caught up with us, and we were chasing them all at the end. Here's a look at what we managed to get done...

I'm pleased to say that we managed 18 of the 25 items. Mathematically it doesn't sound like much, but if you consider that we got some of the bigger ones, I'm pretty pleased. I also think that it's better than we did in 2018, so at least we're making progress.

What we did well is shown in green, and there are a couple separate posts throughout the year on these. Still, there needs to be a special mention for these:

• Eating out - it took some planning and budgeting, but we managed it.
• Being in the moment - spontaneity isn't really my bent, so I'm pretty chuffed we got this.
• Limiting time on phones - I have to admit that Andel has been the best at this!
• Practising apologising quickly - only by God's grace!

Things we'll have to focus on next year:

• Playing more board games - Zac is into scrabble, and we recently did a date day doing this together, but we're going to have to come up with more than that to have the other kids join in too, and with so many family options on offer, we really should just get on with it.
• Better communication - maybe letter writing is lost on this generation, so we're going to go with voice notes, text messages and videos. Let's be relevant here!
• Cook a self caught fish on the braai - this is the goal! Camp. Fish. Braai. Good luck to us. We've never really done any of that together before.
• Create a photo wall - this is shameful. I have canvas vouchers and plenty of gorgeous pics. If I don't do this before April there is no hope for me.
• Grow a house plant - I'm not sure I have the space or patience to do this, so I'm going to plant some trees instead.
• Travel on the Hop-On, Hop-Off bus - I think our timing was just bad here. In the summer, when the weather is best, is also when it costs the most. The first special I see come up for this, I'm going to book us.
• Visit an animal shelter - I think we've been warming our animal-scarred children to this. Now that they are comfortable (and have adopted the neighbourhood kitten) I think we can graduate to doing this soon, before the Winter.

Here's to continuing our upward progression in 2020, and having a good time in the process!

Bucket List: Go to the Ice Rink

I must admit that, upon learning of my children’s genuine disappointment at us not being in some winter wonderland for Christmas this year, I was a little thrown. I thought that they understood the uniqueness of last year’s holiday, and I didn’t realise all the accompanying associations they would miss. One of these things seemed to come up repeatedly: snow. When it was forecast that it would be a rather wintery Christmas in Cape Town, they excitedly assumed that it would bring some of that white fairy dust – and even though for a day or two there was a snow warning, it didn’t materialize. 

Then I was surprised by a simple solution. We were going through which Family Bucket List items we could add to our holiday to-do list (a necessity when home alone with three busy kids) when we hit the jackpot: ice skating! Apparently, part of the winter appeal is skating on the frozen lake, and to a seven-year- old and four-year-old, there isn’t much difference between that and an artificial rink.

My children have only ever seen an ice rink once – last year in Wales – and they have never skated before. I remember packing for the outing with every eventuality in mind: Would they skate or chicken out? Would they pick the mini rink or the larger rink? Would I have to skate with them? Would I even be able to manage them on the ice knowing that I had not skated in around 20 years too? Turns out, I was worried for nothing because as we arrived, the kids’ eyes lit up as they ran towards the mini rink in the food court outside the big rink. They excitedly exchanged their summer slipslops for skates, and after a quick briefing about forming fists when falling, they proudly head onto the ice. It took a little while for them to warm up to everything, and then Zac, armed with some confidence, let go of the rail, and Sam smiled widely as he said, “mom, we’re skating on the snow!”

Just for fun!

So not only did we manage to tick another thing off our Bucket List, we managed to bring a little Christmas magic to it. Who knew R60 and a precious memory could bring so much joy!

Cut for CANSA

Each year, over February or March, CANSA has its Shave-a-thon drive to raise money for research, treatment and support of cancer and its patients in South Africa. Many times, I have watched others I know do this, and considered the experience of doing something so brave and selfless myself, but I have never been able to do something quite so drastic – especially not involving hair. You see, I have a love-hate relationship with mine. I have dreams of long flowing locks, pretty up-styles, and am the poster-child for the mom-bun. But I also have a nervous disorder called trichotillomania which means that I have places of damage and baldness, and an irrational fear of hairdressers. 

Sometimes the truth hurts. This was the case with my hair most recently. My hairdresser avoidance meant really long hair (great), but hair thinning, split ends, and a desperate need for a rescue. By the time I mustered up the courage to say aloud to Andel that I thought I needed a drastic cut, he was no longer afraid of agreeing with me. And so, he supported me though the process of consulting with a hairdresser, and setting the plans in motion. After all, it’s only hair, and hair grows back.

As I mentally prepared to cut my hair that, when blown out was already almost reaching my hips, I wondered if there was anything positive that could come out of it to give me some extra motivation – and that’s when I read up on donating your ponytail. Basically, you have to be able to donate a ponytail of at least 25cm, and then they combine it with other hair to make free wigs to cancer patients who have lost their own hair due to treatment. That was all it took – me being able to help someone – to convince me to just get it done.

And so last week I went to the hairdresser (alone), and cut off 35cm of ponytail. I did freak out a little while sitting there, but then I remembered the benefits – for the recipient of my ponytail, as well as my own hair – and felt the literal weight off my shoulders, and I relaxed. I’m so pleased that, although the style is shorter than I’m usually comfortable with, my hair is looking so much thicker and healthier, and I’m encouraged to try keep it that way. Also, my hair-washing shower time is down to two minutes or something ridiculous. It’s true: it is just hair, and it’s already growing back!

Before: the blowout & After: the freakout

Bucket List: Train Trip to the Beach

It’s hard to imagine that living in Cape Town, my children – and husband – had, before this month, never taken a local train to the beach (or anywhere, for that matter). Then again, when you look at the (in)efficiency of the public transport system, you can understand. We opted to go after Christmas which worked well because (a) there would be fewer commuters, (b) the weather was cooler so the beaches would not be crowded, and (c) it fitted in well with Sam’s request to Santa for a real 10-seater train (which he obviously didn’t get).

I am familiar with the strains and struggles of Metrofail, but this is not my personal, daily experience. I have heard of people taking in excess of three hours to get to work on a train where each carriage is filled to capacity, and the risk injury accompanies the inconvenience of already arriving late. Sadly, our experience gave us a taste of this reality too. Even though it was a light service, with far fewer commuters, we still had to wait (on both trips) for a train delayed more than 30 minutes. Thankfully, we didn’t have anywhere else to be.

Watching for the train while Zac gets the tickets

Waiting for the train

Anyway, apparently the only people aware of these inconveniences were Andel and me, because as soon as the kids stepped onto the platform, and despite the long wait, they were pleased as punch to be on that train. They stared out the windows in wonder as we passed all the stations, and they identified which friend or family member lived next by. And by the time we got to the coast where they could see the sea, they were animatedly hopping up and down with excitement, again reminding me of how much joy the simple things can bring.

Windows that can open are apparently a big thing

Being a big girl

Braving up for the day ahead

We got off at Fish Hoek beach, and even though it was a little windy and cool, got some fish and chips, and picnicked for lunch before the inevitability of our children heading for the water. They had a ball – Bayley didn’t even both to get out of her clothes before diving in – and sat contently, chatting to the other passengers on the trip back. (I’d be lying if I didn’t mention here that I was so relieved to have come by train, and not have to have bags of sand in the car.) And the best part of it all: a good nap when we got home – for all of us!

Sun, sand and sea

My beach bums

Ice cream treats, because we can

Entertaining themselves waiting for the train

Chatting to the "pilot of the train"

Secret Santa: The Trans-Atlantic Edition

One of the highlights of the last decade has been the fun, festivities and fright of our annual Secret Santa. To recap: the way it works in our family is that all the adults (over 20 and working) go into a single draw in which random Secret Santa recipients are drawn. Accompanying the draw is a list for each person in line with the agreed upon spend budget for that year. Over time, the operations have evolved – and improved – still, never before had we tried a Secret Santa across two continents and involving postal logistics.

Once again, we used an online Secret Santa Generator that emailed each person’s recipient name to them. Then we created an online shared doc for each person’s list. Given that we would have to potentially have to ship gifts between South Africa and the US, we also had to put links to online sites and reputable delivery services, and try to get the timing just right. Finally, we set a Skype date, and waited with bated breath for Christmas day.

Between waiting for everyone to be around, then trying to log on successfully, and being able to see and hear everyone, the set up was a little stressful, but then once it got going, it almost felt like normal. Almost. Amid the usual drama and hilarity, it was pretty cool how it all worked out, and everyone was happy with what they got:

Garth bought a Andel a bicycle tyre

Andel bought Yaya a pair of running shoes

Yaya bought Papu a Bible (with large text)

Papu gave Dom some cash vouchers

Dom bought Annie a kettle and kitchen knife block

Annie bought me a swim costume and slip slops

And I gave Garth the cash – because his list was empty, but that’s a post for another day!

Yes, so that means Ash and PJ bought each other gifts! It was not rigged. And it worked out perfectly for this year, meaning that perhaps SSTAE will survive another year after all!

Our annual Christmas photo...

... missing one important piece

The Four Gift Rule

Prior to 2017, Santa didn't make it to our house. Or perhaps he did, and we just didn't notice...
In any case, when the boys saw the miracle of their prayed-for sister come true, they believed in all kinds of magic - even the kind we didn't really pay attention to before. They got big presents that year, and they were overjoyed. Then last year, we went on holiday over Christmas, and they were just glad that Santa could find them in another location. They got smaller gifts, that could fit into our suitcases coming home. Now it's 2019, and we aren't going anywhere. In fact, we are doing a working staycation, and dealing with the disappointment of kids who just assumed that we would forever travel to a Winter Wonderland for Christmas every December. If only. Suddenly there's a lot of pressure on poor Santa.

I think we're lucky that we have pretty understanding kids. By this I mean, they are well aware of the real meaning of Christmas, and are not overly invested in all the festive hype with demands for lavish gifts. Still, increasingly - and not just over Christmas - we have been feeling the strong pull to turn our collective focus on getting stuff, and just simplify our lives. That includes the excess of almost everything, everywhere.

I read about The Four Gift Rule / Christmas Challenge a couple years ago, and it - along with a viral post about expensive gifts from Santa - has stuck with me ever since. We are in the fortunate position to be able to offer the kids a couple nice treats throughout the year. We get them the things they need, as the need arises; we try to make (bigger) family memories at least a couple times each holiday; they have more toys than they can look after; and in their short lives they have had opportunities many others don't get in 80 years on the earth. We want them, especially at Christmas, to learn about the gift and joy of giving, and the value of people and time together - not things. And so, anything over and about these four gifts, is an extra blessing, and requires them to share some of what they already have with those who don't.

So if you're a member of our circle who would traditionally buy gifts for our kids, I know we're a mere two weeks away; still, please don't feel that you need to get them anything. They love your presence and your time, and if you really want to, please support us and get them something off this four-point list. Likewise, if you have kids that we buy gifts for, please don't feel offended if we do the same.

Maybe He'll Be A Doctor

It's funny how, even as well-meaning parents, genuinely appreciating the unique differences in our children, we fall into the trap of boxing them into stereotypes. I was reminded of this again earlier today when I colleague of mine, speaking of my younger son, said: "maybe he'll be a doctor".

I was surprised. It's not that I don't think he could be a doctor. In fact, he'd make a great doctor. He is naturally kind and caring, deeply empathetic, has a great way with people, and is servant-hearted. And yet, all those wonderful qualities hardly even feature when we thinking about what people need in order to become something as 'accomplished' as a doctor.

You see, my son, like many other middle children (not that it's necessarily a factor here), is different to both his brother and sister. Not only does he look different to them, his personality is entirely opposite to theirs. Where they are intense and need to be stimulated all the time, he is quietly curious. While they set themselves academic challenges from letter identification to complex mathematic sums, he is using his design eye to upgrade bird houses and construct practical solutions to real world problems. Where they are always steaming from one place to the next in pursuit of productivity and efficiency, he is enjoying the journey, taking it all in as he takes his time.

It's an important caution to me that regardless of whatever our society - or education system - is using to measure and, let's be honest, rank our children's potential by, we are not to be caught up in the belief that it is all they are capable of. There is no pecking order; no hierarchy of preferable traits. Each person has been uniquely and purposefully designed with strengths and talents that are not just valuable, but also necessary - for them, as well as those they come into contact with. Everyone is more than enough, just as they are.

As we find ourselves at the end of another school year, let's be intentional about celebrating who our children are rather than only what they may have achieved over the last 12 months. They can be that doctor (or whatever else they want to be) yet.

Bucket List: Give Back

I’d like to think that generosity is not something I – or my family – inherently struggle with, still, I have been on a mission to exercise this with more regularity and consistency. This year, we added it to the Bucket List with the intention of sharing what we have with other who don’t have as much. I wasn’t sure how it was going to pan out over the year, but I am so pleased with how it has.

In addition to making donation of gently worn clothes and un-played-with toys, the kids each made their own Santa Shoebox. This is something that I, along with other mom friends, have done before, on behalf of the kids, but this year, for the first time, they did it themselves. I thought committing to three boxes, each for a child the gender and age of one of my own kids, was going to be a challenge, however, I was pleasantly surprised by my kids’ enthusiasm and initiative in taking this on. All it took was two trips to the shops, and they loved it! Each one got to pick out an outfit, pair of slipslops, set of toiletries, reading book, game and treat that they would choose for themselves. Then they each made a card for their recipient, wrapped it all up in a shoebox, and handed it over to the group leader we were working through.

I don’t mention these things to pat myself on the back as though this kind of thing is something to show for my and Andel’s great parenting. We’re terrible a lot of the time. But that’s what so good about these encounters: just when you think that you’re doing everything wrong, and your kids are brats, and you don’t know how they’re going to become decent, function citizens, they wow you with how kind and thoughtful they actually are. Zac, Sam and Bayley were so proud of their boxes (including all the work that went into making additional full sets of Springbok cards), and equally thrilled when we were sent the photos of the kids receiving their boxes just before Christmas. 

The kids have already asked to do this again next Christmas, so even though it’s not on the official Bucket List for next year, you can be sure that we’ll be keeping on this tradition. And if you are led to want to join with us, check in with us around the start of November so that you can be a part of it too!