Bucket List: Do Date Days

This is probably my favourite bucket list item. It's something that is intentional and engaging in terms of parenting, and a tradition I hope to be able to do for years to come - or as long as the kids will allow me to.

The idea is that each month, on the date of their birthday, I take that child for an exclusive date activity / outing, just the two of us.  We trialed it out in February. And admittedly, I didn't give it enough thought because Sam's birthday is on the 30th, and there isn't a 30th in February (try explaining that to Zac who is completely black and white when it comes to rules or processes). Anyway, the wobble was excused as a teething problem of the initial date.

It's funny - and wonderful - how different people are, especially my boys. For Zac's date, it had to be on the day. At first he wanted to go somewhere to have Slush Puppy. I searched high and low for a place to do this that didn't involve going to the movies where one drink would set me back at least R50. Turns out, I didn't need to look because as I got home (after a date finish, mind you) Zac declared that he had changed his mind, and that he'd prefer to go to a local kids eatery where he could play. It was a tough realisation for Zac that a date did not usually involve one party playing and the other watching (or waiting),  so as a compromise I allowed him to play until our order arrived. Thankfully Zac had eaten dinner beforehand, and so, at his request we caught up for an hour chatting and colouring over a  massive sundae that, despite my new eating ideas, we shared. It was worth every calorie.

By contrast, Sam's date was a little more random. He didn't mind that we had to change our initial month end plans (we had forgotten that in order for us to be out on month-end during the week, we needed Andel home, and he had his own month-end responsibilities at work). In fact, in leading up to our date, when I asked what he wanted to do, he basically told me that as long as it involved something to eat, a story before bed, and me tickling him to sleep, he was happy. And so, we had our time after school one day. I had to be around the campus until an event ended, so we didn't go far. We curled up on a sofa in my office, and hung out over tea and milk tart, chatting and cuddling as one can only do when you have a three-year old. He was delighted to tell Zac all about it when we got home, and held me to my story and tickle at bedtime.

The truth is: I am so aware that these are moments that are fleeting, and if I don't take the opportunities as they arise, I will miss out. Our family routine so often involves rushing from one place to the next, I usually do have more than one kid in tow, and it's impossible to connect with them individually and meaningfully that way. By taking time out - just one day a month - to spend exclusive quality time with each of them, I can celebrate their uniqueness, and build on the foundation of love that started even before they were born, in quiet moments of solitude marvelling at the miracle of being able to mother them.

For now, Bayley is too young to go on a date, but it's wonderful the awareness this practice has created, even with her. As I get to nurse her to sleep at night, or breathe in the babyness that she is outgrowing all too quickly, I imagine that already now, she is aware that we too have a special connection that is just ours. And I can't wait to get to share more of that as she grow up.

Bucket List: Make Homemade Ice-Cream

This was Zac's addition to the list, following his and Sam's latest craze of watching episode after episode of "Bigger Bolder Baking".

I must admit, my first reaction was a bit of a cringe. Not only did I wonder how we were going to do this properly without an ice cream maker, I also was not keen based on the fact that I am not a huge ice cream fan (and was starting a serious change in eating habits). So imagine my delight when I found a super-easy Raspberry Ice Cream recipe that did not require any fancy equipment, and was sugar free!

We created a little photo recipe for you to try it at home. If Raspberry ice-cream isn't your thing, you're welcome to change the fruits - or even swap it out for cocoa or something similar - it still tastes great!

Whip 1 cup cream into stiff peaks

Add 1/3 sugar replacement

Add a punnet of fresh or frozen berries 

Blend altogether until thick and creamy

Freeze or soft serve - and enjoy!

Bucket List: Watch a Live Sports Match Together

I love it when a plan comes together. I'm all about organisation and efficiency, and when I see the culmination of planning and preparation come together in a perfectly executed event, I'm genuinely tickled pink. Weird, I know.

This was not planned. This was totally out of the ordinary for me. It was spontaneous and chaotic - and perhaps because of this, even more wonderful.

Late on Saturday afternoon, after an already long day of work in the morning for Andel, and work thereafter for me, we got a message that a group of people who had received tickets to the local Super Rugby derby between the Gauteng Lions and our home team, The Stormers, were no longer able to go. Andel offered them to a few more people, but no one bit, and so we decided - like 15 minutes before the game - that we would go. All of us.

Now there is method to this madness. If we were to consider all the options to make this bucket list item happen, we'd have to think about: what sport do we all enjoy? which sport is played close to home for us to attend? what is the cost for our whole family to go? how accommodating would the venue be for young kids? how would we keep the younger kids occupied for the duration of the match? This trip to Newlands would tick all the boxes: we all enjoy rugby, and what better opportunity to engage in some local support; the stadium is literally less than 10 minutes from our house; we already had complimentary tickets, enough for all of us; it was a local derby so the stadium would not be too full; and we could probably survive 80 minutes of play under those circumstances.

I need to mention here that Ash, PJ and Ethan were also going to be attending this game, as was Pops. So it seemed like the safest option in terms of reinforcements too! Add to this that The Stormers had lost the previous match, and we had a real cracker experience for the kids. And they were not disappointed.

We start them off young here!

Soaking up all of South Africa

When watching rugby and eating donuts is life

Sam's favourite is Superhero Rugby

Just to prove we were all there

Living our best lives in 2019

You can check out the highlights of the game here, but for us the highlight was being there together, and watching Zac and Ethan support their team to an unlikely and overtime victory. This is definitely something I suspect we will be doing more of as the kids get older, and I can't actually wait!

Momster

I recently saw a post on social media inviting people to complete the following sentence:

"I'm a good parent, but..."

It was intended kind of half jokingly, but it quickly brought to my mind the things that detract from being a good mom:

- being impatient
- working late (and working weekends, home and at work) too often
- raising my voice too soon, too much
- not being able to give my kids more undivided attention
- being too much of a disciplinarian
- not being relaxed and fun enough

The list goes on, but I think you get it.

I ended up completing the sentence as follows:

"I'm a good parent, but... I'm stuck in the rat race trying to provide for my kids, and I'm not brave enough to give it all up to spend more time with them. As a result, they are not getting my best."

I'm sure I'm not the only parent who feels this way, and I understand the constraints under which we are all trying to balance providing for the (financial) needs of our dependents, and being there (physically) to actually enjoy them and the life that we share. Still, I have to wonder: how did it get to this?

When each of my kids were born, I could sense the overwhelm immediately - such love and responsibility, all rolled into one. It was never once my intention to be a mom that was anything but loving and caring. I was committed to being my best. And yet, here I am: yelling like a banshee, rolling my eyes, pulling my hair out, hiding in the bathroom, cursing under my breath, sometimes physically restraining myself from applying the rod of correction to the seat of their understanding - and often times not succeeding in my restraint. And all they see is: Momster.

And I don't like it one bit. That's why I've put this up here; so that I can be accountable. Because it's not actually ok. It's not who I want to be, it's not what I want to model for them, and not what they deserve. I can do better, and I must.

All helpful tips and encouragement welcome. All day. Every day.

2019 Family Bucket List

Well, it certainly has taken us long enough to get this up! Between coming back from our holiday and everyone starting school, we've basically breezed through the first month without doing anything.

Despite the varying degrees of success (or not) of last year's list, we actually quite like - after the inevitable drama of trying to get this list together with the input of everyone in the family - having something like this to refer to when deciding on memory-making things to do together.

So without further ado, here is 2019's Bucket List (including some of the big items we didn't get round to doing):

Here's to new adventures and memories this year!