Three Year Old Bayley

Let me just take a moment to say that I am a little in awe at the fact that I am writing this ABC Birthday post for the third time! 

A is for... Attitude

You ooze individuality and self-confidence, and have a good dose of sass to go with it. You are funny, and charming, and so many other good things - and you know it!

B is for... Brave

Bayley the Brave. I don't know if it's that you don't see danger, or that you don't care, but you are fearless. You're a tough cookie too. You walked around almost a full day with a fractured collarbone before we realised something was wrong. You are an adventurer with an appetite for adrenaline, and because of it, I have enough concern for the both of us! In seriousness though, I hope that this courage stays with you your whole life, and that you will use it to stand up for the right thing. 

C is for... Clever Cloggs

Nothing gets past you. You are observant and attentive, and know far more about everyone else's business that you should. You remember the most unlikely things, and readily correct misinformation - even if the conversation does not involve you. Thanks to Zac and Sam, you really believe that you can read and do math.

D is for... Daddy

Your daddy is your hero, and you have had him wrapped around your finger since before you were born. He is fiercely protective over you, and regularly tells me how he dreads the thought of what your teenage years may be like. He always wants to make you happy - and you have learnt to use this to your advantage! At the end of the day though, you love him completely, and I'm so grateful for the bond you share. He is setting the standard of love for you - and it is high!

E is for... Ella

Ella is your BFF. You go to school together, and have been in the same class for two years. You are often found in close proximity to each other or doing activities together, and talk incessantly about each other at home. You often mention how miss Ella when you're apart, and lockdown was especially hard in this sense (thank the Lord for WhatsApp videos and voice notes). I could be wrong, but I think the best part about being back at school is being back with Ella.

F is for... Food

You can eat! I don't think I'm far off when I say you eat at least the same amount (if not more) that the boys do. You love healthy food, fast food, raw food, leftover food - all food! I won't lie: I'm feeling a little convicted to do more to ensure that you have good, healthy eating habits. I'm going to work on how to do this without killing the absolute joy food brings you.

G is for... Girlfriends

You have a posse of girls who you really love, and you already recognise the importance and value of having a group of girls who have your back. You are filled with encouragement for and from them, and look forward to time spent together, however few and far between those occasions may be. You were over the moon to have the girls around to share your birthday with you today.

H is for... Hair

When you were born, you had a decent head of hair. Somewhere soon after that your hair stopped growing, and for a long time you had this short front and sides, with longer bits growing behind. Finally, your hair has some shape (although it's still not that long for someone who has never had a haircut). You can now have ponytails, top knots, and even a plait. You have a specific teacher at school who takes hairdos to a next level, and you - almost daily - come home with an intricate creation on your head. It looks beautiful, but you best know that this is not something I can maintain for you.

I is for... Independence

It's hard to believe that you are (only) turning three. In some ways, you have been a big girl for a while already. You never used a bottle, you were mobile and vocal before you were one, and you have been out of diapers for almost a year already. You like to do things for yourself, be it tidying your room, getting dressed, or dishing food. Even with your arm in a sling, you didn't want a fuss or people helping you; you simply adapted to doing things with your left arm, and got on with it. 

J is for... Joy

Even as a baby, you hardly ever cried, and apart from the tears that accompany a tantrum (or the crocodile kind used for dramatic effect), you're pretty much still the same. You wake up happy, and go to bed happy. You are smiling at least 90% of the day, and have this full, hearty laugh that leaves you breathless as you throw your head back and squish your eyes into tiny slits. Your joy brings you freedom, and gives me hope.

K is for... Kind

You have a gift when it comes to speaking kind things to others, especially girls and women. Just the other day, while I was having a mild existential crisis in front of the mirror, you came up to me and said "Mama, we are beautiful, strong, smart, and kind". This is your mantra, and you live it. You are so quick to notice good things, and are generous with your compliments. You make any space better simply by being in it.

L is for... Learning

Much like both your brothers, you love learning. I have watched how you, full of pride, mimic Sam has he learns how to read, confidently sounding out "c-a-t is cat". And you love school. Allowing you to return to school, despite Covid and all, has been the best decision as you continue to thrive under the care and nurturing of your teachers. 

M is for... Mischief

You are a cheeky little monkey who is always up to something. You have turned being adventurous and being cute into a manipulative art that regularly saves you from timeout or certain death. 

N is for... Names

Choosing a name for you was an experience. We were particular about the selection, the meaning and the spelling. We did not ever expect to be calling you by your full name more often that not. You, Bayley Cate, are proof that the frequency which children are called by their full name is directly proportional to how often they get up to mischief. 

O is for... OCD

So maybe OCD is a little particular, but then so are you when it comes to having things a certain way. You become visibly distressed when things are not ordered the way they usually are / you would like them to be. For example: each morning, your pyjamas needs to be folded and packed away into your cupboard, and when you get home you have a specific place for your bag to go. I won't lie; I can relate to this, and I secretly rejoice that when you're a little older, you'll be able to keep everyone else in line so that I don't have to do it alone.

P is for... Peppa & George

You certainly enjoy your kids entertainment, and despite out best efforts to limit your screen time, you remain a huge Peppa Pig, Chip & Potato, and Rescue Riders fan. I do love how you sing the songs, and play with your Peppa and George dolls. Also, that slightly British accent you have sometimes is pretty darn cute.

Q is for... Queen

You may not have blue blood in your veins, but you certainly do rule the roost around here. You're the youngest and the smallest - with the fewest needs - but you have the boys (all three of them) at your beck and call. Fortunately though, you're good to them, and they love you. They really would do anything for you. You're a lucky girl.

R is for... Runway

I don't know where you get it, but you have some kind of inner schmodel that has broken out in full force this past year. You pose for pictures with one bent knee, and batt your eyelids with a pout on demand. Your life is a runway, and you, apparently, are the star. 

S is for... Social

You are, by far, my most social child. You are gregarious and charismatic, liberal with your affections, and   up to turning any event (or non-event) into a party. You live life fully. Your being alive is a celebration each day.

T is for... Triple Threat

In theatre terms a triple threat is someone who can act, dance, and sing. I don't know if there's any theatre coming up in your future, but you certainly do have a head start on these three things. You love imaginative games, dress up, and playing pretend. You also have the funniest little dance moves that you perform with confidence and enthusiasm. My favourite, though, is your sweet singing voice (the real one; not the one where you belt things out at 100db to get our attention).

U is for... Unstoppable

You are a force to be reckoned with. You know what you want, and how to get it, and you don't stand back. You are pioneering and larger than life, and I have no doubt that you will change the world somehow. I can't wait to see it.

V is for... Verbal Diarrhoea

Good grief, you can talk. Zac was pretty talkative as a toddler. Sam was the complete opposite. You, however, take the take. You wake up talking, and don't stop until you are in a deep sleep. Sometimes you even talk while you sleep. I am always fascinated by the topics you come up with, and the wide vocabulary you have developed seemingly out of nowhere. To be honest, I battle to remember a time when you couldn't talk...

W is for... Warrior

You may have your girly girl moments, but you are one hundred percent warrior as well. You are wonderfully wild - a fighter who is strong and steadfast. You wield both your sceptre and your sword with equal confidence and capability.

X is for... eXtra

In urban terms, extra refers to anything that is dramatic, excessive, or over the top - and you all these things. Between your big, expressive eyes, your loud, sassy mouth, and your gesticulations, you are theatrical to the point of comedy, and definitely get people's attention.

Y is for... Yogurt

This is a daily go-to for you. To be fair, your bothers quite enjoyed (still do) too, and your dad goes to bed with a bowl of yogurt almost daily, so maybe this is a family thing. You could basically eat this breakfast, lunch, or dinner without complaint.

Z is for... Zac & Sam

I always knew if I were to have a daughter after having Zac and Sam, they would be the most loved upon little sister the world. I was not wrong, and it seems the feeling is mutual. You speak of your big brothers with pride and admiration, and spare no expense in your affections for them. I often find you playing sport / games / make-believe with them, or hiding in their bed at night. You sure are blessed to have each other. 

This is the first third-birthday that we have had without a new baby too. I am torn between wanting to hold onto some baby, and wanting to get to know this big girl more. You are a treasure: my beautiful, smart, strong and kind, Bayley the Brave.

Happy birthday!

School: Covid Edition

Love him or hate him, our President is in an unenviable position. Let's be honest: he's damned if he does; damned if he doesn't, and today is just another day in which he'll face the onslaught in the wake of his address last night.

Schools: They fulfil the need for so much more than just education - and I don't mean that lightly; I'm an educator after all. For some they are the only place of safety. For even more they are the primary source of nutrition. They provide daycare in a time where even older kids cannot be left on their own. They foster friendships - some of them lifelong. They develop personalities, social interactions, and emotional growth. And they facilitate the acquisition and application of knowledge.

For the third time in lockdown, parents around the country are making arrangement for kids who, from Monday, can no longer go to school. For some it's a simple exercise of simply giving up some free time, or confirming with the office that they'll continue working from home. For others, it's a desperate situation that may cost them their jobs and/or livelihoods. I don't mean to downplay the former: I was doing online teaching from home for the initial lockdown and extension. While having the kids in the same space is possible, it's certainly not convenient or productive. My heart really goes out to the latter though. Before last week this was my fear because, from Monday, I am expected to be at work, in person, daily. Now with Andel home, at least I don't have to worry - but therein lies the problem: We are the minority. We are the privileged. What about those who have no other option?

In a twist in the tale, my school, because of its independent status, remains open. Let me not even start on the inherent injustices in this. We return to campus on Monday following our long break. I am usually anxious about returning anyway; add to this the complexities of school during a global pandemic, and I am surprised that I haven't fallen completely apart yet. Teaching as we know it will not be the same: we will balance in-contact and virtual teaching, live and asynchronously, and interactions will be limited, restricted, and impersonal. No doubt, the students returning will be a different version of the carefree teens I last saw in freedom in March.

So as we begin another month-long uncertainty regarding public education in this country, I'm reminded again of the strength, grace. and flexibility we require as we navigate this journey. God be with us all.

Moving Home & Other Stress

As though being smack-bang in the middle of a global pandemic weren't enough, we decided (well, not really) now would be a good time to move house too - one of the top 10 most stressful events one can go through in their lifetime

Interestingly, the other nine include: death, divorce / separation, major illness, job changes, imprisonment, marriage, financial troubles, retirement, and transitioning to adulthood.

So the (abridged version) story of our new home begins back around 18 months ago, and goes a little something like this:


February 2019: We decide to start house hunting for something bigger than a semi, with a little more space for the kids.

March 2019: We find a house we have peace about, with a back garden large enough to play cricket in, and put in an offer - but there is an existing offer on the house.

April 2019: The offer ahead of ours falls though, and our offer goes through pending the sale of our house.

April, May and June 2019: We nearly sell out house a couple of times, but the offers don't work out, and we don't feel entirely at peace about everything.

June 2019: We withdraw our offer, and take our house off the market. We are so ok with this decision, we literally don't give it any thought again until...


March 2020: We are hounded by an agent who wants to sell our house. We tell her we haven't been thinking about selling, but she insists on coming to visit, and does so the next day, with a buyer - and an immediate offer.

Also March 2020: We decide to check out some houses, just in case, knowing we are under no pressure to sell if we don't find something we want to buy.

Also March 2020: We find a house - wait for it - in the same road as the previous house! We put in a ridiculous offer, and again, there is an offer in ahead of ours.

Also March 2020: The country goes into lockdown.

April 2020: The offer ahead of ours falls through, and our offer is accepted.

April, May and June 2020: Due to lockdown things are slow, and no one really knows where anything is al. We are still ok with everything as we figure that all of this has pretty much fallen into our lap.

June 2020: We get a call on Monday, June 29 regarding our buyers who, due to giving notice on their place in April when the sale was contracted, have no place to move to. On Friday, July 3 we agree to a moving arrangement with our seller. The Monday we agree to a movement arrangement with our buyer. From that day, for four days straight we move - In the middle of Level 3 Lockdown. With three kids. Without any boxes (we couldn't get any under Corona conditions). At the same time this winter's biggest back-to-back storms blow into the Cape.

We made it in just as the first drops began to fall.

Moving out of our first family home

It's funny (not really), because moving house is just one of a couple Top 10 Most Stressful Events we are living through at the moment. Most of it (increased anxiety around death, physical separation, major illness, a type of imprisonment, and job changes) comes courtesy of Corona, but then we also a toddler with a broken collar bone, a new school year starting in August, and it's now public knowledge that 95% of Virgin Active South Africa's employees have been temporarily laid off (hibernating, they call it), so we have become a single-income family...

We have battled recently about pressure of being a "poster child" for the faith. We have been reminded that God knows, and is in, our reality, and so it's ok to be upset, tired, and genuine. Even Jesus, as He prayed in Gethsemane before His capture, felt that God was silent. BUT whole fast onto this Hope about where we are right now - not just physically where we are living, but also where we are in life. The sequence of events that led us here is so bizarre that there isn't any way we could have orchestrated any of this ourselves. That means that God, who is sovereign, and wants only good things for us, will continue to provide for what we need - what He has ordered for us.

ps. A couple days after that storm, when the sun came back out, the kids stepped out into their long await yard to play. As will we after this storm, I'm sure x

Pause

It has been a month since I last posted. To say that things have been busy would be a gross understatement, and to document it all, would definitely take more than one post. So for today I'm going to settle on a pause post - just to catch up.


I'm thinking about... the role and responsibility of the believer in the midst of this pandemic. There is so much negativity; I know we have to introduce the world to our Living Hope. But how? In the time of unreliable governments, corrupt public officials, unfair decisions that affect the very livelihood of people - it's difficult to see that Hope. And the favour of the Lord isn't fair either, so how do you explain that? I'm really trying to seek the Lord in wisdom so that I can honour our authorities and be moved to pray for them so that they can make good decisions on behalf of us all, and still call them out on their injustices until something happens. Easier said than done, I know.

I'm watching... Pokemon. I'm not kidding. And not by choice! I have not really been able to sit down to watch anything, and in order to get my own things done, I may or may not have allocated my kids a little more than two hours of screen time per day. Their viewing choice has focused mainly on this one franchise. And it's as though it's a comprehension exercise because, following each episode there is a post mortem of all the details. And heaven help me if I don't know the different between Lycanroc, Incineroar and Pichachu! I still don't get most of it, but if it's going to make my kids happy, I guess it's a small price to pay?

I'm listening to... (still) our Songs of Hope playlist on Spotify. It's on repeat, and it's setting the tone in our home for us to be expectant for God's hand to move in our situation. We are adding to it all the time, so at least there's a change in the rotation. I am also quite enjoying listening to my children's voices as they sing along (and keep singing long after the music has stopped). What a sweet, sweet sound it must be to the ears of Jesus.

I'm loving... cutting Zac's hair. For eight years, I didn't touch it. I was too afraid that I would wreck it completely, that I just forked out the money to have it cut to school regulation standards (until those regulations were changed, hallelujah!). During lockdown though, there wasn't anyone to cut Zac's hair, and after three months, when we were no longer able to see Zac's face, I took matters into my own hands. I started off really conservatively, and it wasn't great; but it was ok - enough to give me the confidence to try it again last week. And I'm pleased to say that I'm getting better! No chance I'm tackling Sam's hair though...

I'm busy... unpacking in our new home. Yes, we moved during lockdown (another post on that coming up soon). Who knew we could accumulate so much stuff?! And it's not all crap - a lot of it is stuff we actually need, use, and look after. Thank the Lord I am on a school break, because I have needed a week of whole days to get some functional home space set up here, and I'm still not done! I look forward to being able to fully call this place "home" soon.

I'm going to... start gardening. Sam has some serious green fingers, and I like things to be fresh, so I'm thinking of going with some herbs, and fruit and vegetables for now. This is something that I shouldn't be able to mess up - but you'd be surprised! If any of you have tips and tricks regarding how best to do this (we don't have much in terms of garden with soil and such, so I think we're going to go the planter-box route), please do share!

I'm battling with... being a good mom. It's a broad statement, I know, so let me qualify it. I was homeschooling the kids for 16 weeks before Zac (the first to go back) returned to school. A week later Bayley started school. Sam is home for another two weeks still. I have seen them in and out of every day, and somewhere between the familiarity of all that, we have gotten on each other's nerves. All to that the stress of everything that accompanies lockdown, and I have not been very patient with them. In fact, the gratitude I felt at having the opportunity to spend more time at home and with them has been overshadowed by the number of times I have shouted, retreated in defeat, not had the energy to play or engage, or just been unpleasant to be around. I really need to find a better, more consistent way to have my words and action mirror the love, care, and enjoyment that I feel for my kids in my heart.

I'm resolving to... get into a healthy routine. With me going back to on campus, in contact work next week, I can't still be living in my lockdown / virtual learning mode. Also, I don't think moms have ever felt more stressed and torn in the tug o' war between work and family like we do during this pandemic. I need to set up some structure that will allow me to take care of my physical, mental, and emotional health, while still getting around to doing everything that need to be done, well.

A Birthday to Remember

Last week, I embarked on a rather ambitious project for Zac’s birthday: to get one of the South African (Protea) players to send him a message for his special day. Sometimes something that seems so simple really necessitates quite a lot of effort and synchronicity, that is unable to be achieved going solo. 

I had given it some thought about a month ago, but figured human nature would respond better with a little pressure, so I put out a call for help a week before the deadline. I was uncertain how my request would be received, and rather skeptical, if I’m honest, to how people would respond, if they would respond. 

We didn’t receive that one message.

We received THIRTY NINE video messages. Yes, read it again: 39!

No fewer than 27 Proteas (former and current, male and female, senior and U19), six provincial, three club, one school boy, and one former England international cricket players sent personal messages to Zac. We even got a message from the Director of Cricket at one of the high schools Zac is eager to play his cricket at. 

And what started as a young boy’s wish became an interesting human experiment in which I have learnt some pretty important life lessons:

...There are still good people in the world. We will never know the actual number of people who embarked on this quest with us, but I know it was a lot. A good number of messages were sent to us by multiple people who had all asked the same players for a video. Andel and I are officially The World’s Most Demanding Parentsright now, and all the cricketing world knows it.

...We may be kept apart, but we are still closely connected. There was a human connection in this project that saw the limitations of social distancing, and smashed the heck out of it. It opened conversations, and made connections, and brought people together, despite the physical distance.

...People want a good-news story, and nothing inspires like the dreams of a child. This was something positive and heartwarming in a time of bad news and sadness. So many people were drawn to the sheer hope of having this dream come true – both the hunter and the hunted – that’s how we got the number of videos we did.

...Celebrities are just people – some good, others not as much. I recall meeting two New Zealand rugby players at the cricket once. One I had been a fan of for a while; the other was just coming onto the scene. I was so disappointed by the encounter with the former, I never looked at him the same way. The second impacted me in such a way that I will forever be fan. The same has happened for Zac through this.

...Social media marketing works! A simple request on social media was spread far and wide through South Africa and beyond, and family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, former connections and absolute strangers rallied alongside us to make the miraculous happen – in 5 days!

...Adults complicate things. After receiving all these secret messages, Andel and I were buzzing! Between excited anticipation and emotional overwhelment, we had great expectations of what we thought Zac’s response would look like. We knew he would be over the moon – and he was, but not the way we thought. He did not scream (like we may or may not have done ourselves); he simply had this huge smile wrap around his face, eyes glued to the screen as he watched and listened intently, nodding in agreement every now and again. What we saw as Zac having jumped the societal fence between patrician and pleb, Zac simply saw as an obvious connection of likeminded guys (he calls all the players by their first name only).

...For better or for worse, the places you go and the people you know make a difference. In this experience we learnt of (other) sportsmen who charge R1000 for a video like we were requesting. Maybe I’m oversimplifying this here, but for me, a 20-second video for a kid should be a no-brainer. Anyway, there are connections that brought us to this place, and there are connections now that will pave some of the future. One thing I know is: should Zac be in the fortunate position of being admired enough to be asked to do this for some other kid one day, he’ll do it. I don’t even think he’ll need me to see to it. 

And finally...

Heroes are not qualified by their achievements, but rather by their hearts. The hearts of the players that sent through their messages are so evident in their videos. Some of the players have better records than others; some of the players have a larger fan-base than others. From this moment on, based 100% on who they are, our family will have a soft spot for each one of them, forever. And to each and every piece and person part of this miracle: you are the real heroes. Thank you so, so much. We remain overwhelmed and incredibly grateful, and wish you every good thing ahead x

Unforgettable

Unforgettable. That's a word making a comeback as we think about this year, 2020. It is used to describe the global state of the COVID pandemic, the state of lockdown, the time of parents becoming remote learning facilitators, and how you will remember this very different birthday. To me though, this is also (for many years already) how I'd describe you.

Unforgettable
That's what you are
Unforgettable
Though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable

These are the lyrics of a song made famous by Nat King Cole in 1952 - 60 years before you were born - and that I loved so much in 1992 when his daughter did a virtual duet with him. In 2012, 20 years later, you made me a parent, and I have never been the same.

I can't believe you are eight years old today. Where has the time gone? How am I already partnering with you in the kitchen, or writing and performing songs with you, or  having so many intellectual conversations - and even more emotional disagreements? You're a bit of an enigma; a rosebush of prickly thorns and beautiful flowers. You drive me to drink, and then drown me with delight. You are, quite simply, unforgettable.

Never lose that insatiable curiosity, or the passion with which you pursue the wide variety of your interests. Continue to practise being gracious and kind, and use your smarts to better the world for all those in it. Trust the Lord with your heart, your dreams and your desires, and watch Him move. I'm not sure I've met anyone as resolute as you - at least not at this young age. You have a great future ahead of you, Cooks, and I can't wait to see it all unfold.

Happy Birthday Zac! I love you!

ps. How's this for a video that my old, replacement phone put together automatically about you?!

Lockdown Lessons

We have been in lockdown for 71 days today. That's 10 whole weeks! Granted, we have been in varying stages here, the logistics of it all have remained pretty much the same for us: Andel working from home except for going in to work twice a week; me working from home; the kids doing school from home. In fact, in all this time, I think I have left the neighbourhood twice.

If you think about a period of 10 weeks though, it's a long time. It's a school term, almost one trimester of pregnancy, a full season nearly. And during this time, I'm sure we each have at least one new things we have learnt (or improved upon). I asked the family about their lockdown lessons.

Andel

"I have learn how to juggle the many roles of husbanding, parenting, teaching, working, and cleaning all at the same time."

This experience - us all being home together - has been amazing for our family. Of course there are times when the proverbial pawpaw hits the fan; still, we have learnt so much about ourselves and each other. I love that Andel has added 'cleaning' separately. Those who know him know that he'll always sweeping and mopping. Seriously though, he has lifted such a load domestically, just being here, and it has allowed us to the get the important things of work and school done.

Zac

"I have figured out how to play frisbee, and managed to teach Sam to do it too. Now we can play together. I am also learning to journal every day (which I need to do for school). I didn't like it at first, but I'm getting better at it." 

When it comes to school Zac is extremely self-motivated. He doesn't need to be told to work. He'll get up at 05h30 and be done by the time he has breakfast. What he does need help with is how to manage himself in his free time, and how to be part of a positive environment for everyone. Some days are better than others, but overall, he is improving his emotional intelligence every day.

Sam

"I have learnt how to read, how to write, how to Zoom, how to eat, how to tell time, and how to play frisbee."

This is almost all true. Sam has really done so well at home. I was not sure that we were the best teachers for him, given the contrast between his very laid back approach to things, and my, well, not laid back approach - but he has done so well. It has been a blessing and privilege to be home and see, firsthand, how he has learnt to write all his letters, identify all their sounds, and break words into sound parts and syllables. I have hundreds (I'm not even joking) of illustrations and books to show for all his learning.

Bayley

"I like Mommy and Daddy and Zac and Sam and Bayley all home together."

Yes, she does! I can tell you that Bayley, amongst other things, has learnt to scale the kitchen cabinets, open unopened food items, flood the bathroom, cut book pages and hair, gatecrash Zoom meetings, and a healthy dose of sass and manipulation too! She is going to battle to go back to school!

Robyn
This has been a productive time for me, surprisingly! For one, I managed to make significant gains on my Masters studies. I basically did in one month what I could not do in 10! And I have learnt to cook (my repertoire has gone from steam / grill / mix to stews, soups, casseroles and bakes) - and draw! Having two pre-K kids will do that to you!

Lockdown Blues

Over the past few months our friend - and Zac's music teacher - Tony Drake, has been putting together a series of lockdown musical collaborations. Basically he puts together some music, sends a couple bars to whomever is going to be part of the project, and they then get to write whatever music and lyrics they want to it. A couple weeks ago, Zac and I got to be part of the collaboration.

It was daunting at first, I won't lie. Even as a lyricist and musician, I tend to stick to a certain 'style', and when I got the very bluesy guide track, I was worried I wouldn't be able to think up anything. I won't lie, I procrastinated over it a bit, and left it to the last day to get it done. I guess sometimes us creatives work better under some pressure. While I was busy on it, my ever-inquisitive Zac wanted to know what I was up to, and before long, I had written up something for us to do together.

Here is the video of the full song of our and three other collaborators' contribution to it, as well as the lyrics for the part Zac and I did:

Going on day 53

Hubby, three young kids, and me

Just trying to get on by

In isolation every day

Too little space for us to play

And I'm starting to lose my mind

But the wheels they keep on churning

Midnight oil keeps burning

Ain't got no time to cry

We got school things to be making

We got Zoom calls to be taking

And don't forget - three kids to keep alive

We've got the lockdown blues

Moping in our lockdown shoes

Just a visit to the lockdown blues

Ain't no room here to stay

We've got bills still to pay

Got to make it through the day

This was actually so much fun! Apart from the fact that it's all very tongue in cheek, it was really great to take a break from what must be done, and do something that has long last been done. And how's Zac? I may have a little blues rocker in the making. Enjoy! :)

For more amazing original and cover music from Tony, check out his Youtube and Facebook pages.

For Better, For Worse

I think that I, along with many others, have spoken at length about how this lockdown life is affecting parents and children. Let's just spare a thought, though, for something I may have overlooked in all this: marriage.

I'd say I'm pretty fortunate to be in a really good marriage. It wasn't always this way, but with lots of work - and even more grace - we have made it a good space for both of us. I know it's not necessarily the norm though. I remember at the beginning of lockdown, all the social media memes that came out about husbands and wives divorcing during lockdown, or husbands finally having to do all the things their wives nag about, or women gaining an extra child to look after. I recall how Andel and I both said one night, "thank heaven we actually like each other". And thank heaven we do; this would be a very different experience otherwise!

Still, let's just be real for a second here, and admit that (unless you are newly married, or already forever married) this lockdown takes its toll on relationship. I think it's even worse when you're also parents of young kids, trying to manage their remote learning, and trying to hold onto some income by doing as much as you can from home - in Andel's case, while your work is closed. Despite the proximity, it's possible to spend even less time together. The mornings are later, the evenings come quicker, and the day is full. With rising anxiety and seemingly depleting wisdom (maybe that's just me) the ugly side comes out quickly and often (again, maybe that's just me), and it's easy to have your spouse bear the brunt of your frustration, mostly because they're the only other adult around.

Tonight, while your mind may well be filled with increasing uncertainty, and perhaps even diminishing hope, take a moment to acknowledge your spouse, and make an effort to connect with them. I'm pretty confident whatever you're feeling, they're feeling too. And I know it's both easier and better company to walk any challenging path together.

So Andel... I know this week has been manic, and we have lived more as roommates than soulmates. I know our respective work stress has taken up much of our time, and playing catch up to keep our children up to date on school work has forced us to divide to conquer. I want you to know that I love you, I appreciate you, and I am here with and for you. Together we are so much stronger than we are apart. There isn't anything this world can throw at us that, with God, we cannot overcome. This too shall pass. God remains sovereign and faithful, and we will see His glory in this, in our lifetime still. Thank you for all you are doing at home, with the kids, for me. 

For better, for worse, for ever.

Speechless

Speechless. That is how Sam left me earlier today when he came to show me the remnants of the letter writing material I had prepared for him for this week. Three pages of it - with drawings (art is not my strong point), and letter guides for him to write the words. He brought them to me in a crumpled up ball, wet and torn. His face was wrinkled up, much like the paper (now more paper mâché), and there was an audible hiss as he dropped the wad on the floor in front of me. I promise you, my mouth literally hung open before I calmly and slowly said, "Please go to your room."

I couldn't even reprimand him. I wasn't angry, you see. I was simply: speechless.

Seven weeks into lockdown, and eight weeks into "parent-led learning", I think I am officially cracking. Earlier into this reality, these events would have left me rushing to work out what Sam's  real issue is, trying to find a better way for me to teach him, before redoing the said material. But right now, I'm over it. All I feel is gutted - like I've just been sucker punched. I am both frustrated and concerned by the never-ending issues that accompany the young child's experience of lockdown. I am also saddened by the general increasing load and time demands on parents' plates, and my children's seeming lack of regard for my efforts. Because that material took me a couple hours to prepare (and I do it on a Sunday so that it's ready for the week). Most of all though, I am hit with the realisation of the overwhelming denial that we, too, are unravelling.

I wonder if perhaps going to work, in addition to some adult conversation, allows us to feel both productive and appreciated. I don't blame my kids, really; I mean, the oldest is only seven. But perhaps the recognition that we are given - even just in the form of a paycheck - makes working easier than parenting?

I am so struck by how hard this is for our kids. More and more I am reading - and living! - accounts of how children are going backward; regressing, it would seem, into their baby ways, because they don't know how else to deal with it all. In light of this, trashing school material seems inconsequential.

This period has been characterised by talking - announcing, speeching, complaining, exhorting, petitioning, questioning, pleading... Right now, I want all the noise to stop; I want to just hold my babies until we all feel ok. Without any more words. Just speechless.

35 Lockdown Lessons

Kids, this one is for you. After 35 days at Level 5 lockdown (and another 10 at Level 4, so far), here are some of the lessons I've learnt living through all of this with you. Perhaps one day you will look back, and in case you don't remember it all, learn something from reading it here.

In no particular order except for the way that they came into my head...

1. Take-out is a luxury. It's great for convenience, but it's helluva expensive. When you are forced to, you can see how much of it you can make yourself, and the novelty of fast food wears off quickly when you see how much money you can save.


2. Teachers are hugely under-appreciated. The task of having to adjust to running classes remotely and on-line while actually doing it is no joke. Also I now know why ECD fees are expensive, and they are worth every cent.


3. Exercise is not just important for your ego. A mere 30 minute walk in a 2km radius in your neighbourhood can set a positive tone for your day, and be immensely stress-relieving.


4. I used to think there was a braai season. Traditionally we would braai from September (Heritage Day on September 24 is also affectionately known as "braai day") through March or mid April. We are currently on seven weeks of consecutive braaing, and counting!


5. Kindness is key! When you're stuck in a home with a couple other people, no one cares how smart or wealthy you are; they care about how kind you are, and how you treat them. Take that out of lockdown, and apply it to every area of your life.


6. A good sense of humour is a precious weapon in your arsenal of life tools. Sometimes you can't do anything but laugh at the situation - or yourself.


7. Understand and be accepting of people's differences. It is said you can tell people's true colours when they are put under pressure; also know, though, that people respond to things differently. Right now, some people are connecting with everyone they love; others are just trying to hold it together. Don't judge.


8. Having said that, in times like quarantine: if you have not learnt the new skill, started the side hustle, or gained the knowledge that you wanted to, perhaps your problem is not a lack of time, but a lack of discipline.


9. You can teach an old dog (mom) new tricks (culinary skills).


10. Technological advancement is a double-edged sword: it's wonderful to still be able to keep up with work and school, or be able to connect with loved ones you can't see in person, but there is no substitute for real connection. And because of that, children and teenagers all over the world are finding that even with all the likes, followers and retweets in the world, they are actually lonely.


11. This "homeschool" is near impossible if the children equal or outnumber the parents.


12. Trust the plan. Had I been a doctor right now, I would be on the frontline of this pandemic, and probably have to be isolated from my family.


13. Zoom fatigue is a real thing.


14. Psychologically, the weight of having to go to work is enormous. Despite doing the same - if not more - work from home, just knowing you don't have to go anywhere to do it frees up so much time and space to live during the week, and not just on the weekend.


15. Having "enough" is attainable. Maybe this goes hand-in-hand with the take-out thing, still: when you use what you have responsibly, and share what you have with others who may not have, you will always have enough.


16. It's amazing how the world can heal, and its beauty be restored, when humans are kept out of the way.


17. It's really not about the bike - ask your Dad :)


18. Make friends with your nuclear family. At the end of the day, they are what you have, and in unprecedented times like these, lockdown is a lot more comfortable and comforting when you are with people you actually like.


19. The law of supply and demand means that during lockdown you'll save on everything you don't use. Like fuel for your car.


20. Be obedient to the Spirit. If he prompts you do so something, do it. You can never go wrong doing what is right.


21. It does take 21 days to form (or change) a habit. Try it.


22. Never forget that children are more perceptive than you think. They may not understand what's going on, but they know when something is up. Be attentive to their feelings.


23. Always keep a couple of basic stationery items around the house. You never know when you'll need them - or won't be able to buy them!


24. Those who said they can't lose weight at home may be onto something. It seems adults and kids alike can make it through a work day on a 06h30 breakfast, and a couple sandwiches during the day. Just ask them to work from home though, and they need something to eat every two hours.


25. You'll be surprised how many women will not shave their legs if they don't have to.


26. I think every mother secretly wishes she had more time at home with her children. The moms of this generation have been given this rare opportunity. As exhausting as it may be, most would not trade this time for the world.


27. God's grace and mercies are new every morning. Thank heaven for that!


28. There is no such thing as job security. Everyone from the CEO of large companies, to the informal workers at individual homes, have had their income affected significantly. Choose to work in an area or industry that you enjoy so that the money you get paid to do it is just a bonus.


29. If you live in fear, you die in fear. Pursue peace.


30. Owning three or four interchangeable outfits is actually more than enough.


31. Some kids are just morning people. You can keep them up until 23h00, and they'll still wake up at 05h00. Teach them to make breakfast or a decent cup of coffee.


32. It's ok not to know everything. Sometimes, we figure things out in the dark, together.


33. The best things in life are free - kind of. The important things - family, love, companionship - they don't need tons of money to have or keep. But value them while you have them. Once they are gone, they are irreplaceable.


34. When you're expecting God to move, don't assume it will be in a way you have seen Him move before. He uses all things - high and lows - for your good.


35. There is always something - usually more than one - to be thankful for!

Lockdown Day 35: The End of the Beginning

It's the final day of the initial lockdown. Tomorrow morning we move to Level 4. To be honest, I leave the 'safety' of Level 5 with apprehension. We have become used to being kept in our homes, possibly the safest place to be. Now, we're allowed to venture out - under strict measures, of course - and I'm almost not sure I want to.

In many ways, Level 4 is simply Level 5 with more people allowed to go to work. Basically (in my limited opinion anyway), unless you are part of the sectors that are reopening, you are still in Level 5 lockdown - with a 3hr window and 5km radius to venture out in. I'm not sure everyone sees it that way though. I guess the thing I fear is a sudden disregard for all things Lockdown, and people doing exactly as they please, whether or not it's a safe or wise thing to do, given the circumstances.

It's funny how the prospect of 'more freedom' leaves me desiring less freedom; how after wishing for 35 days to just get out, I now am nervous to do so. I suppose this is the real test of our faith, our peace, and our joy. If it cannot venture out into the world with us - and hopefully impact others - how is it helping?

Tonight I go to sleep ending one chapter, and embarking on another, holding fast onto His promises.

Lockdown Day 34: Craving Connection

The issue of connection - human connection - is becoming increasingly interesting to me. In my job, I have noticed an increase in the anxiety and withdrawal of our students as they battle not being physically contactable with their friends. It seems that even in the age of modern technology that allows you to virtually be in the same room, it's really not the same. In my own life, I have had almost a week now of vivid dreams starring friends and family. Some of them are my usual crew; the people we do every day life with. Others I haven't seen for ages. Regardless, I wake up missing them deeply.

The phrase "no man is an island" suggests that people thrive in community with other people, and I think I have to agree. As much as I have managed to still be productive this last month (more so in some areas than others, of course),  I can't really say that I have enjoyed it more. I liken it to surviving - a far cry from actually thriving. The truth is, I am craving human connection in a way that, without thinking, prioritises my relationships for me. Some of those relationships I have nurtured diligently these past few years; others I have neglected for ages.

I'm not saying we should use this time to evaluate the 'performance' of our friends or friendships. I'm not sure this kind of trauma (shall we just call this pandemic what it is?) is necessarily the best place to have perspective. Some people are frantically reaching out now, while others are focusing on coping themselves. We all deal with things differently. Perhaps, however, if is a good time to evaluate ourselves; do some quiet introspection about who the people are you really matter, and what we'd like to do differently when this is all over...

Lockdown Day 33: Handy Andy

I joke about it, but I don't think I have ever appreciated Andel more than I have during this lockdown.

As you will recall, initially I was home alone with the kids when the schools had been closed, and we were not yet in lockdown. During that time, Andel was heading to work each day, facing the varying faces of wrath from the public who were still very much divided on what we should and should not have been doing at the time. Then the President made the call, and everything shut down, and Daddy came home.

The start was rocky, I won't lie, but he has come a long way since Day 1. He has taken over the role of ECD educator with enthusiasm. He upholds a high standard of work, and enforces the code of conduct with a stern word (although Bayley may give you some other versions). Seriously, I have seen him dive into multiple Zoom sessions, navigate parent WhatsApp groups, tackle various crafts, and triumphantly tick off the day's activities one by one as he determinedly gets the kids through it. And he does it with a smile - mostly. It's not like he doesn't have his own work to do. Granted, he doesn't have to deal with people online or in person each day; still, he has been going to work at least twice a week because of various issues, check ups and meetings he has to attend to while they wait to reopen.

Making Pumpkin Soup with Sam

He is also currently the only member of this family who is leaving the house. This means that he is getting up early another once or twice a week to head to the store for us to get supplies. He goes decked out in his mask and other protective gear, and waits in long queues to collect items of a shopping list that, truthfully, he is sometimes afraid to get wrong. He has learnt about sticking to a budget, and pricing cost per kilo, for sure! Sometimes, if the final stop allows, he even brings me home a freshly made dry chai latte - like manna from heaven!

A new kind of masked superhero

It would not be an exaggeration to say that Andel is doing more now than he ever has. But I don't mean that to be critical. Rather, let me highlight how much this man has grown as a hands-on husband and father during this time. He has juggled the kids while I worked on my own assignments. He has sat up rubbing my back and neck as I grade and prep my students' assignments. He has done crazy cardio and stretch workouts with me, and even roped me into the Koala Challenge just for fun. He has quietly endured my frustration when parent-led schooling doesn't work, and taken control before I've had a chance to explode over it. He has lit the fire when I have not been able to get around to dinner, and brought me tea and treats in bed (even though I ask him not to) because he knows it brings me comfort. He let me sleep in 6 hours on Saturday! I feel physical relief at the realisation that I don't have to do everything, alone - and I feel immense love and gratitude for this man who is truly my partner.

Our resident Braai Master

This time, although possibly the most troubled we will go through in our lifetime, will also always be remembered as one of - if not the - greatest staycation our family has had. It has brought us joy, peace, and unity that I doubt may ever be replaced. And I could never have managed or survived this, without my Handy Andy!

We love you!

Lockdown Day 30, 31 & 32 - Freedom Wee-ee-eekend

Man, did this past weekend pull a number on me. You would think that after being home for a month, one wouldn't really still look forward to - or feel the effects of - a long weekend. Apparently, this is not necessarily the case.

Fridays are always pretty slow. No matter how much - or less - I work that week, I'm always ready to call it a day come Friday. As a result, by the time the online Zoom sessions have ended at lunch, I'm ready to take a nap with the kids. We had talked about doing another family movie night, but I'm not sure what happened to it, because by 21h00 we were all in bed.

And you won't believe it: I was in bed until 11h30 the next day! Granted, I was woken at 05h30 to deal with hungry children fighting over the tv. But I went back to sleep soon afterward. And even though I didn't sleep until lunch time, just being in bed, away from everything, and not having anyone need or want me for a bit, was pure bliss! By the evening I started feeling bad about the fact that I really didn't have anything to show for the day, but it didn't last long as I realised this was the first weekend in a year that I was not worrying about working on my own studies!

On Sunday Andel and I woke up with that hungover feeling. We had sat up chatting late into the night (probably a consequence of the late lay-in I had), and only fell asleep around 04h00. Our children, who do not know how to sleep in anyway, did not think this a good enough reason to leave us alone, so we were soon pottering around the house, and getting groceries for the week. We had a late afternoon braai that fed us for lunch and dinner, and an earlier evening.

Yesterday was Freedom Day, and despite the apparent lack of freedom under lockdown, I was reminded of the gift we have to choose what it is we want to do on this day. The circumstances we find ourselves in right now don't come close to the restrictions many South Africans lived through - not for one month of lockdown, but for their entire lives!

The longer we are in lockdown, the more I feel like I won't miss the BC (before Corona) lives we lived previously. I think for those of us who have been lucky enough to have enough during this time, it has been a wonderful and privileged time to break free from the expectations, routine, and pressures - some self-inflicted - that have dictated the pace and direction of our lives for a while. I, for one, have never felt more free...

Lockdown Day 28 & 29 - My President

I have spent the better part of the last 24 hours really thinking about the president of South Africa, Mr. Cyril Ramaphosa. What a road he is on. I think about how he came into power, the emotion around the subsequent elections, the collective outcry over the state of our nation. Many began to doubt whether or not he was the right one to lead this nation...

But how he has stepped up to the plate. I have read countless tributes to him on social media. Even the World Health Organisation has commended him, singling him out in the manner in which he has responded to this global crisis, and done his best to protect the people of our country. One of my favourite descriptions of how he has handled the situation in South Africa is this: Third world country; First world President. It's true - he has approached this pandemic with wise council and genuine compassion, he has operated with prudence and integrity, and he has carried himself with grace - and good humour. I cannot think of a South African leader better equipped to take on this mammoth task than he.

So I leave you by this beautiful poem by Claire Lagerwall, and a reminder to pray for our president.

My President you're tired

We can see it in your eyes

It's not really something

You can easily hide

We see you across 

Our television screens 

Addressing the nation 

On a history unseen

We see you stumble 

Over words being said

And I pause to wonder 

What's going on in your head 

Are you coping Sir 

With all that you face

A broken nation 

Looking to you for grace

Are you okay Mr President

You look so sad

Your eyes tell a story

I'm sorry it's so bad

We pray for you 

Hold you in our thoughts

This is a war 

We have never fought 

I'm glad that you're ours

That we don't have to share

That our precious nation

Is under your care

With our cries of faith

We trusted God for a man

Who could steer a nation

Into unknown lands

Thank you, my President

For being so brave

Whilst a nation is judging 

Each move that you've made 

We pray for you Sir

We really do

And we thank God 

For a leader like you

Lockdown Day 27 - The Show Must Go On

I spent part of this evening watching an online jam session by an old friend of mine who is a full-time musician. I can't imagine extent of the impact this lockdown is having on him and others in the industry. In a world where the free alternative is so readily available, how do you replicate the live opportunities that earn these artists their money (and I realise this doesn't only go for musicians).

Well, another friend of mine - who also happens to be a full-time musician - has committed to do something significant, and is challenging others to do the same: go onto Spotify, find the artist pages of our local artists, and stream their music all day. It's also a really great opportunity to listen to, and appreciate local music. And even if, for whatever your reason, this is not your thing, you can stream it through the night without the volume up. Each time the song is streamed, something small is allocated to the artist. It's one of those things that, together, can make a big difference.

For more information on this, search through Spotify, or check out RJ Benjamin on Facebook. Do your bit to help those in need!

Lockdown Day 26 - Joy Comes in the Morning

Again, what a difference a day makes!

Yesterday did my head in. I have always considered it a strength of mine to push things through to completion, and I was ready to call off the week (on a Monday). Then after a good giggle at the craziness of it all, I sat down and got my arse into gear, properly prepping the remainder of the week. The result - today was completely different, and an absolute joy!

Tuesdays and Thursdays are the busiest days for me because, in addition to the kids' online schooling needs, I have the bulk of my own online classes and meetings on those days. They stretch me. And yet, today we were totally on top of things. Sam was cooperative and eager to learn. Zac was working independently getting loads done. Even Bayley was sticking to the school plan. Of course it isn't always like this, still, it was a good reminder:

"We may weep through the night, but at daybreak it will turn into shouts of ecstatic joy" Psalm 30: 5

Lockdown Day 24 & 25 - Night and Day

What a difference a day makes!

Yesterday was the literal and metaphorical calm before the storm. After summer-hot weather on Saturday, yesterday was pleasant and warm. Today it is storming. Similarly, yesterday was super chilled. It's a bit of a rarity in my home, so that's probably why it's raining today too. I'm talking about: I didn't get out of bed until about 11h00, and then it was to put on a load of washing or something, and I got back into bed again. I read, I did word puzzles, I graded some papers, we ate leftovers, we napped. S.U.P.E.R C.H.I.L.L.E.D.

I paid for it this morning though. And it's not like we weren't prepared for the week - I did that on Saturday (or so I thought). This morning, I was loading the work for my students onto their Google Classrooms when I got two messages - one from Zac's teacher, the other from Bayley's - and in flooded their work for the week. And I mean flooded. I didn't not know if I was coming or going. At one point we had four devices facilitating three different lessons, and for the first time since becoming parents of three, Andel and I felt seriously outnumbered. I had to deliver an online snack-making session around lunch time (I basically let the kids make their own lunch) before Andel went to work. Apart from a meeting at 15h00, I didn't get my own work before 16h00! Today, it got real!

I'm not sure whether to count down to the end of this extension, or put my head down and make sense of it all so that we survive. In the heat of the moment, I want to scream, cry, and call it a day. But when I get to the end of the day, having had us achieve something more than we expected, I have to laugh. This lockdown and everything that goes with it sure is doing a number on us all!

Lockdown Day 23 - Essential Services

Lately I have heard of a number of strange things that have been permitted (or perhaps just overlooked) as essential services. For example: being allowed to travel to another small town to collect a teenager needing to be relocated, or starting an after-dark vigilante group (I'm not kidding). It has made me consider what exactly constitutes an essential service?

Some things are obvious, like health care workers, food suppliers, police offers. But then, what about the people who supply the patches for Sam's vision training who will not allow us to get more, or couriers who are not going to deliver the replacement specs I need to see? What's the difference between delivering food, and delivering aids or paperwork. These are just examples, of course. Still, it opened up an even bigger conversation for the kids.

Last night, while playing, Sam knocked a loose tooth out of Zac's mouth, and suddenly the Tooth Fairy's job was in question. Thanks to Google and Jacinda Ardern, (amazing) president of New Zealand, Zac quickly confirmed that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are both essential workers. And so this morning when he woke, Zac was delighted to receive a note and some reward for his tooth. Fortunately the ATM is still functioning as an essential service...

Lockdown Day 22 - The Story Continues

I didn't think that the lockdown extension would make that much of a difference to my life. After all, we just continue doing what we've been doing the last twenty-odd days, right? Wrong. I was so surprise to find myself in a funk yesterday. I thought perhaps it was just that Friday exhaustion. It turns out, whether I admitted it to myself or not, I was prepared for 21 days. Nothing more. So when I lost the plot in a big way yesterday, I had to acknowledge that I need a reboot for this next stretch.

The good news is, everyone is on a professional distance learning plan. I am no longer required to put anything together from scratch anymore, and I can turn my focus back solely on my own work. I think that's going to save me some time. Also, Andel is all into this routine now, so we have a plan.

But as we find our selves sleeping in later and later (we're around 07h30 now, two hours later than usual), the next question is: will we ever recover from this lockdown?

Lockdown Day 21 - The Koala Challenge

Late last night -  while lying in bed, listening to the children who, although they were in bed, were nowhere near asleep - Andel was scrolling through his social media, looking at the all the challenges currently on the go (I'll spare you my self-righteous thoughts for another time). One in particular grabbed his attention: The Koala Challenge.

This is not new. The Koala Challenge has been around for a year-and-a-half already, but it's made a bit of a comeback, first as a fundraiser for the fires that ravaged Australia earlier this year, and now as an exercise challenge for couples during lockdown. Here is what it looks like, done by Andel's colleague who posted their attempt on Instagram.

Given that we have been nominated to take part in a few challenges that didn't really suit us, this one piqued our interest. So much so, that we got out of bed, had the kids join us (to film it, of course), and did two of them. Here are our ammeter home videos for your entertainment, courtesy of Zac (who happened to cut off the first bit in video 2).

Now that you've watched them, consider yourself challenged to do the same! :)

#koalachallenge

Lockdown Day 20 - Brain-Dead

Popular opinion says that it takes 21-days to change a habit, behaviour or thought pattern. Maybe the initial 21-day lockdown had some of that psychology behind it. Of course, it has since been extended, so it's immaterial. Still, as Andel and I were saying last night, it's worth mentioning that in 20 days we have become accustomed to a "new" routine.

Ordinarily, we would be in bed by 21h00, and awake again by 05h30. We may be getting the same number of hours sleep most nights but it's definitely not at the same time. There is no urgency to get going, even though we are facilitating distance learning for three young children. There is no need to even be groomed. To be honest, all my professional online meetings (and I have two to three a day) have been done in a suitable top thrown over my pyjamas. Dinner is done before 16h00. We save time. And we lose it.

Between Zoom calls, Google Classroom, my inbox, my studies, and YouTube, I have serious screen fatigue. My butt and back are stiff thanks to my ill-fitted makes-shift desks, and the dinning room chair, clearly not made for extended periods of sitting. My eyes are basically squint by the time I get to bed. It's like I could have made it in one piece if tomorrow was the last day - but more than that? I wonder. I'm fast approaching being a brain-dead hermit who probably won't leave the house even when the lockdown is lifted.

Of course, I could be tired and emotional. Is anyone else feeling like this?