And Button Is A ...

... twin!

I'm kidding! But it could have been, what with twins everywhere in both our families!

Last Friday we went for our 21-22 week check up and anomaly scan. It was a significant update for us because (a) we are leaving for Ireland today for a month, and (b) we thought we may be able to confirm Button's gender.

With Zac, Jorja informed us pretty early that we were getting two boys (well, we were getting one, and her parents were getting the other), so we thought we'd try the same approach this time. Well, while Jorja has been hoping for a girl to even out the numbers - and I don't blame her, having to deal with Ethan, Zac and Matthew all the time  - Zac has been absolutely mum on the topic. No matter how many times, in different ways, various people have asked him "Zac-i, are you getting a brother or a sister?", he either says "no" or just ignores them altogether!

Well, we are happy to announce that little Button is a growing, healthy little BOY - and I must admit I'm a little relieved.

Please let me be clear: we in no way think that one gender is better than the other, and would have been just as happy having a little girl. I do think though that, given Zac is a boy, it's not quite as scary to consider going through the newborn phase knowing that we've had a little boy before. Of course, the chance that we may have another adventurous, busy, strong-willed boy like Zac, now that's a very serious risk.

On the up side - for me, anyway - knowing that we've having another little boy does increase my chances of persuading Andel to give it another go for a little girl in a few years' time! *wink wink*

Half Way Here (second time around)

I distinctly remember writing this post with Peanut (Zac) so I guess it's only fair that I do the same with Button.

I can't believe that Button and I are nearly at the end of our 20th week together. That's half way already! They say everything happens faster than the time before, so I guess it does makes some sense that I feel this has caught me by surprise a little.

So much has happened since we first found out about our little miracle in August. Admittedly a lot of that time I've spent trying to limit my excitement, and wait out all the worry phases (it's dumb, I know, but I just couldn't help it) so you can imagine how I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I first saw and heard our baby on screen.

Our first glimpse of Button around 9 weeks

Since then, it's all been pretty plain sailing. I first felt movement around week 16, but it was so faint and irregular that by week 18 I was sure that I'd just imagined those first flutterings. But now, as with Zac, I'm feeling plenty movement, strangely enough, in a similar pattern to what I did with Zac (another night-owl, it seems). It's amazing how that movement (and a belly growing at an alarming rate) can make everything seem so much more... real.

In terms of any planning, we literally have not done a single thing - except start preparing Zac for the new addition. I often get asked how Zac's coping with everything, and to be honest, I don't know; I'm not sure how much he really understands. We've told him he's going to be a big brother next year - but who knows what that translates to, to a two-year-old. I do know though that he knows Button is in my belly (although perhaps he's confused by my bellybutton), and that he lovingly hugs and kisses my bump when asked to. I don't think we could ask for more than that right now. We're all in this learning curve together: us trying to balance speaking about the new baby with giving Zac loads of undivided attention, and he beginning to deal with the new limitations, like not being carried or held on my lap as much.

A preview of the belly

So next on the agenda, next week, we have the big 21 week scan and a final check up before we head off to the UK for a month. It was at this scan last time that we found out Zac's gender, so - who knows - perhaps the next baby blog-post will involve a big reveal... You'll have to wait and see!

Props to the Imperfect Parent

I know it's completely uncool to give yourself a proverbial pat on the back, especially on a platform as public as a family blog. Still, after a week of some pretty thought-provoking experiences both professionally and personally, I thought it would be appropriate to send this shout-out to Andel, myself and every other parent who fits this bill.

Dear Imperfect Parent

I just want to thank and commend you on the good job you're doing as a parent to your kid/s.

I spend a lot of time with kids who have everything. They live in these mansions with their hearts every desire met in it. They have access to the latest, coolest clothes, accessories and electronics. They holiday all over the world for no good reason. Hell, most of these kids personally have more money than we do. But the one thing that some of them lack, severely, is respect and compassion.

You may not be able to give your kids all the things they - and you - would like to have. You, like us, may not yet have our own home. Overseas - or any - holidays may be few and far between. I know this one we're going on may be the last for a long while - and who knows how much of it Zac will even remember when he's older. Your kids may continue to get hand-me-down clothing, shoes and toys. But they have a lot of love, and they're getting discipline and sound values. And at the end of the day, they're going to be more functional units of society than most of the other kids I mentioned.

We are far from perfect, both as people and as parents, and still, by the grace of God, our kids are well adjusted little people we can be proud of, and who understand that there are consequences to decisions - that don't define us, but that help to shape us.

I think you're doing an amazing job, and I just wanted to let you know. Well done!
(Andel, I love you, and I'm so glad we're going another round together)

An Open Letter to our Village

Every child has a village of people helping raise them. These people are family, friends and acquaintances that directly or indirectly influence and shape what the child is exposed to, what the child learns, and how they view the world. This is an open reminder to our larger village.

I don't think you know just how important a role you have. Or perhaps you do. But maybe sometimes you forget. No two parents can raise a child alone. It's too much work over too little time, that requires a physical presence in too many places simultaneously. Without a larger village we would be shattered, on every level, and the quality of the human race would be a stake.

We need you to help our children. We get it wrong so much of the time, they'll need people they can turn to for good advice, for protection (from the world, not from us hopefully), for love, for objectivity and sometimes for sanity. We also need you to help us. We need you to lift our arms when they're tired, to wipe our tears when we cry, to listen when we need a sounding board, and the reward is that you get to share in the most awesome journey of relationship: parenthood.

We live in such a beautiful and ugly world. The good is so often hidden by the big, immediate bad. Our society is filled with prejudices, and without Godly guidance we can so quickly be sucked up into the injustices of it all. For this reason, the way in which you behave and model things for our children is so very important.

It is not okay for you to criticise someone because of their colour, their religion, their gender, or their choices. It is not okay for you to speak nastily and vulgarly to or about others. It is not okay for you to degrade yourselves or those around you. We want our children to understand that people are different, and to love and respect them regardless.

We want - need - you to partner with us. We consider it your responsibility towards us and towards our children to exercise and set an example of tolerance, love, acceptance and respect. We want you to bring hope and change. We want you to teach our children good values. We want you to demonstrate positive attitudes and actions. We want you to sow goodness and security in our lives, and build our children up by your words and actions so that they can be good citizens of the world. This is a such a tricky job, and we cannot do it alone.

I don't think you know just how important a role you have. Or perhaps you do. But maybe sometimes you forget...

Confessions of a Second-Time Mom

I've often heard it said "no two pregnancies are the same" and as I find myself pregnant with my second baby, it's never been more glaring to me.

I have a friend whose mother says "the second child is God's child". This statement is based on the trend that, generally, after your first born, every subsequent child has less attention, fewer photos and mementos, and a thinner childhood journal containing sketchier details. And I must admit, since hearing it, I've been a little bit hung up on it.

These are some of the questions flying around in my head right now:  
What do I need to do to make sure this does not happen to my second child? 
When did I start taking belly pics - or posting blog entries - when I was pregnant with Zac? 
Do I seem less excited this time around or is my enthusiasm just tempered by the calm of not being so anxious about everything? 
Why is balancing ethereal early pregnancy with demanding reality so darn hard? 
And how the hell am I going to fit another person into a heart that's already filled to capacity with Zac?

Obviously I'm not the first person to have a second baby. Still I do wonder if I'm the first to feel this way and not have a solution ready. The moms I've seen go before me just seem to have adapted effortlessly into parenting an additional child, and appear to love all their babies differently but still equally and enormously. I, on the other hand, find myself in a season of spending a lot of alone time with Zac (talk about a blessing and a curse), and as a result, when we are apart, missing the synchronicity that is just ours. And since I've not yet felt consistent movement from little Button, I'm still wondering how and when we'll develop our own little exclusive bond, and how that dynamic will change me.

Spare a thought for Andel who is much of a bystander through this - at least until Button is born!

I have so many questions, and so much to learn, and while I'm often overwhelmed by all that we're approaching over the next few months, I'm in awe of the wonder that is parenthood; the gift that each precious child is, and I trust that as others have successfully navigated this road, so will I - eventually.

And Now You Know

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So without any further ado...

(keep an eye on the blog for the full story)