Pink or Blue

 
It was only a matter of time before this post came out. It's inevitable that, once a pregnancy has been announced, the next question is going to be something along the lines of: "are you going to find out what it is?" (as though it could be anything other than a baby) or "what are you hoping for? (again, as though we'd be hoping for anything other than a healthy baby). Find a pregnant woman, and you can bet your bottom dollar someone in her circle is using on her one of the many old wives' tales that become the metre-stick of baby gender prediction against which every pregnancy is measured. I'm no different.

Both Ouma and Yaya are predicting another boy, while a couple close friends have already called it girl. So just for fun, let's look at some of the (crazy) myths and methods, and see how well (or poorly) I'm fairing this time around. Bear in mind, I'm a little short of half way, so the accuracy of these results are even more questionable!

Are you carrying high or low?
I'm not sure. I think low. Apparently shorter folk always look like they're carrying low. I can say that I'm carrying big though. With Zac, at 22 weeks I still looked as though I was just bloated after a big lunch, and only really shot out in the third trimester. With this one, I'm already that size now.
Verdict = Boy

How fast is baby's heart rate?
I should probably know this. I don't.
No verdict

Have you had any skin breakout?
Yes, although not too bad. I've had one or two zits of the kind I've not seen since puberty.
Verdict = Girl (marginally)

How much nausea have you had?
I'm not good with gauging nausea. I get all kinds of motion sickness, so there's a not of nausea I'm used to. Compared to Zac I felt a slightly different queasy, but I still wasn't properly sick. There was always something (usually guava or a chip roll) that made me feel ok, and in two pregnancies I've never thrown up.
Verdict =  Girl?

How are your cravings?
Oh my word, in the first trimester all I wanted was a mini chip roll with lots of salt and vinegar. I'm not a strict banter, but I do usually eat very little carbohydrates including grains, pastas, rice etc (before this pregnancy I had not bought bread for three years) and yet for some reason, as with Zac, as soon as those two lines appeared on the stick, all I wanted was a sarmie!
Verdict = Boy!

How is your hair growth?
Great! This is one of my favourite parts of pregnancy. I had quite a drastic haircut just before finding out about this pregnancy, and already it's grown considerably (and had a trim). I love having longer, fuller, healthier hair.
Verdict = Boy (but to be fair, doesn't this happen to every pregnant woman, regardless of gender?)

What is the shape of your pregnant abdomen?
Round. I have no muscle tone (I never recovered from Zac) so it's all one big bump of belly.
Verdict = Girl

How has your face changed?
Not much really - well, not that anyone has mentioned. Yet.
Verdict = Boy (possibly)

How 'big' are your legs?
Man, this is the first place I notice an enlargement - even if I've not yet put on much additional weight. My bum and thighs are definitely not very flattering right now!
Verdict = Boy

Has baby's dad been gaining weight?
Andel has been banting on and off, and has lost 20kg since the beginning of the year. While he has been indulging in more (too many) treats than usual he's also doing so much additional cycling, I really can't say for sure.
No verdict

Has your chest size changed?
Yes! With Zac my breasts were small pretty much until he was due. This time around I can feel my tops getting tighter!
Verdict = Girl

Which side do you prefer to sleep on?
The left side is more comfortable - but this is probably also psychological as I know that it's healthier to sleep on this side.
Verdict = Boy

Can you tell you're pregnant from behind?
Not really. Yet. I think. You couldn't tell at all with Zac. I think we'll have to see with this one.
Verdict = Boy (perhaps)

Final Score:
Boy 7 - Girl 4

While it's likely we'll be able to see the real verdict at our next check up, chances are we'll probably keep it as our little secret for a while yet...

An Open Letter to our Village

Every child has a village of people helping raise them. These people are family, friends and acquaintances that directly or indirectly influence and shape what the child is exposed to, what the child learns, and how they view the world. This is an open reminder to our larger village.

I don't think you know just how important a role you have. Or perhaps you do. But maybe sometimes you forget. No two parents can raise a child alone. It's too much work over too little time, that requires a physical presence in too many places simultaneously. Without a larger village we would be shattered, on every level, and the quality of the human race would be a stake.

We need you to help our children. We get it wrong so much of the time, they'll need people they can turn to for good advice, for protection (from the world, not from us hopefully), for love, for objectivity and sometimes for sanity. We also need you to help us. We need you to lift our arms when they're tired, to wipe our tears when we cry, to listen when we need a sounding board, and the reward is that you get to share in the most awesome journey of relationship: parenthood.

We live in such a beautiful and ugly world. The good is so often hidden by the big, immediate bad. Our society is filled with prejudices, and without Godly guidance we can so quickly be sucked up into the injustices of it all. For this reason, the way in which you behave and model things for our children is so very important.

It is not okay for you to criticise someone because of their colour, their religion, their gender, or their choices. It is not okay for you to speak nastily and vulgarly to or about others. It is not okay for you to degrade yourselves or those around you. We want our children to understand that people are different, and to love and respect them regardless.

We want - need - you to partner with us. We consider it your responsibility towards us and towards our children to exercise and set an example of tolerance, love, acceptance and respect. We want you to bring hope and change. We want you to teach our children good values. We want you to demonstrate positive attitudes and actions. We want you to sow goodness and security in our lives, and build our children up by your words and actions so that they can be good citizens of the world. This is a such a tricky job, and we cannot do it alone.

I don't think you know just how important a role you have. Or perhaps you do. But maybe sometimes you forget...

Ten Things I'd Do If I Could Just Catch A Break

Perhaps it's the weather: the early morning sunrise and lazy afternoon sunsets. Perhaps it's the time of year: 35 school weeks down, with just 6 more to go. Perhaps it's my age. Whatever it is, I could really do with a break!

Of course we all have those "if money were not an option, I would take a holiday to..." ideas, but the reality is money is an option - much like time, commitments, responsibilities, families and work. So what if you could have a weekend - or even just a day - where none of these mattered. What would you do?

Here are my current top 10 things (in no particular order) I'd do if I could just catch a break:

1. Read
I can count on one hand the number of non-academic books I've read since Zac was born two and a half years ago. Seriously. I had amazing reading plans for my maternity leave, and then when it arrived sleep was so much more valuable! These days if I find a 100 pager that I can quickly read on the toilet or in the bath (preferably in one sitting) that's about the best I can do, so to pick up a crime novel or human interest story would be a real treat!

Since watching the movie I really want to read this!

2. Swim
Despite coming from the health and wellness industry, I do not get around to training. Mostly this is because I don't really enjoy it. The only thing I can get into without too much effort or moaning is swimming. However, I've not always had the time or access to a training pool (because I can't just splash around), so I've not done too much of it lately. Just the thought of a good km or two, gliding through the cool water... I feel relaxed already.

3. Nap
Have I mentioned how tired I am lately? I can be asleep by 21h00, and when I wake up at 06h00 the next morning, I still feel exhausted. I blame the pregnancy. It's ridiculous. Perhaps it's all these vivid dreams I'm having. Oh to wake up and feel human!

4. Bake
I would call myself a bit of an experimental cook, which usually means I often have to try a dish out a few times before I can confidently subject anyone to it. Baking is more my thing. In particular I enjoy decorating what I've baked. The last proper-fondant-icing-covered cake I made was in September 2012, and I miss the creativity of having an idea and trying to recreate it with sugar and colour. I'm a little tired of muffins and brownies right now.

Perhaps Tarrin and I can try this for Christmas...

5. Sing/Play Piano
I have been working on an album (in theory) for the last two years. I have songs I have written but not played or sung for a long time. There's little as therapeutic as tickling the ivories (of course, without the additional treble notes played by 10 littler fingers) and warming up these old vocal chords - and while I've been playing in the church band still, it would be nice to pull out some old material and give it a good go.

6. Watch a Movie
Andel will be shocked to see this, because I'm not really a cinema-going person. Still, it would be nice to do a seemingly mindless activity, and sit and watch a wholesome, feel-good movie (preferably on my sofa, in my pyjamas).

7. Coffee Catch Up
Even better: high tea! I've suddenly got an interest in really girlie things like tea parties, and since that was not something I did (at all) in my former years, I quite enjoy having a heart-to-heart over a pot of freshly brewed tea - with some treats on the side!

How good does this look right now?

8. Date Night
I know this should be a priority regardless of my schedule, and Andel and I try to stick to our 'at least one proper date night per month' agreement. It's tricky though: date night (if we want to be alone, like a date night should be) involves finding a night where we and a babysitter are free at the same time, and since Zac is usually looked after at home, we end up going out. I do wish we'd have more of the spontaneous, stay-at-home date nights where we just hang out together.

9. Hair Pamper
For real. I know massages and mani-pedis are great, but if you know me well, you'll know that my all time favourite is having my hair played with, and I could really do (it's both a need and a want) with some time in the salon chair. I don't go often, but there's something so relaxing about sitting with your feet up - a cup of tea in one hand, a magazine in the other - and having someone else do you hair. My eyes are closing just thinking about it...

10. Play
Although I try to play with Zac a bit every afternoon, the truth is: the general exhaustion of each day can make it difficult to be fully present for a long period of time. If I could catch a break I would love to take my relaxed and revitalised self through an endless play session with Zac where we can laugh, run, dance, build, tickle and play until we drop!

Let the countdown begin!

Confessions of a Second-Time Mom

I've often heard it said "no two pregnancies are the same" and as I find myself pregnant with my second baby, it's never been more glaring to me.

I have a friend whose mother says "the second child is God's child". This statement is based on the trend that, generally, after your first born, every subsequent child has less attention, fewer photos and mementos, and a thinner childhood journal containing sketchier details. And I must admit, since hearing it, I've been a little bit hung up on it.

These are some of the questions flying around in my head right now:  
What do I need to do to make sure this does not happen to my second child? 
When did I start taking belly pics - or posting blog entries - when I was pregnant with Zac? 
Do I seem less excited this time around or is my enthusiasm just tempered by the calm of not being so anxious about everything? 
Why is balancing ethereal early pregnancy with demanding reality so darn hard? 
And how the hell am I going to fit another person into a heart that's already filled to capacity with Zac?

Obviously I'm not the first person to have a second baby. Still I do wonder if I'm the first to feel this way and not have a solution ready. The moms I've seen go before me just seem to have adapted effortlessly into parenting an additional child, and appear to love all their babies differently but still equally and enormously. I, on the other hand, find myself in a season of spending a lot of alone time with Zac (talk about a blessing and a curse), and as a result, when we are apart, missing the synchronicity that is just ours. And since I've not yet felt consistent movement from little Button, I'm still wondering how and when we'll develop our own little exclusive bond, and how that dynamic will change me.

Spare a thought for Andel who is much of a bystander through this - at least until Button is born!

I have so many questions, and so much to learn, and while I'm often overwhelmed by all that we're approaching over the next few months, I'm in awe of the wonder that is parenthood; the gift that each precious child is, and I trust that as others have successfully navigated this road, so will I - eventually.

The WAG, The Rant & The Roadster

If you've read some of my previous posts you'll know I'm usually quite an enthusiastic WAG. Whether it's rugby or cycling I am, more-often-than-not, somewhere in the thick of things (quietly) supporting from the sideline. So I don't know if it's being pregnant or impatient (or a bit of both), but I am quickly losing my zeal  for this.

According to my nearest and dearest, it may be entirely understandable though. After all, cycling training (never mind rugby for now as this only featured one month this year) is a time consuming exercise. In order to prepare for a 100km race, you have to be doing 100km distances (you get what I mean). Add to this that you cycle with other people (which can often mean it takes longer, not shorter to complete), and that the group never sets out before 06h30 or 07h00 - this can be a nearly all-day affair.

This is what 2014 has looked like so far:

• January - Andel was recovering from his shoulder op. This meant no cycling, but tons of rehab, and lots of moaning (on his part).
• February - While he should still have been recovering, Andel was now cycling in preparation for the Cape Town Cycle Tour.
• March - Cape Town Cycle Tour. Need I say more?
• April - Here we experienced a short break - and by short I mean, maybe a week or two because despite being told not to play rugby, Andel went to a few training sessions when he wasn't cycling.
• May - Andel entered the Knysna Rotary Cycle Tour, and prompty started training for it.
• June - By this time Andel had decided he was also going to do the Coronation Double Century race in November. As this is a team race, he joined the eta College team which met more than they cycled at first. Still, Andel was also training for Knysna.
• July - Knysna came and went. It was a hectic race in terribly windy conditions. Still there was no rest after this, as the DC training schedule came out: 18 weeks of training for this 202km race.
• August: DC training.
• September: DC training.
• October: DC training, including West Coast and One Tonner races, with the actual DC and Die Burger races a week apart on 22nd and 30th November.

So to Andel:
As we reach the end of this part of a seemingly perpetual season, I just want to tell you I am so very proud of all the things you have achieved on and with your bike this year - including losing 20kg to improve your cycling. I am still your biggest fan. I just simply cannot wait for a break from the almost 30 weekend mornings this year so far I've spent as a single parent: juggling things at home (usually doing washing and hoping that you've not fallen or been hit by a bus somewhere), attending social engagements alone (because you were running late) and being run ragged by Zac.
Please note that we have a baby on the way four weeks after next year's Cape Town Cycle Tour. I promise to try keep him/her in long enough for you to complete the race, but know that thereafter, as soon as I am able, next year is my training year!
All my love, the #1 WAG x

A Lesson in Obedience and Grace (part 3)

This is the final piece of the pregnancy puzzle. Please read part 1 and part 2 if you've not yet done so (it'll make loads more sense that way).

"Over the following months I wrote letters to family members, to other young couples, to Andel, and even to my boss. In retrospect it is so clear that this lesson was one I was meant to learn during this time, and I could not have moved on literally and figurative until I had, and so when I moved on, I left with peace.

I received two more words in quick succession one day. The one was from a family friend (a passage in Numbers) and the other was from my colleague (a passage in Isaiah) both of which spoke of coming favour, of trusting God to fulfill His promises, and to be expectant of a blessing. I really thought I was on my way, that I had done all that was asked of me, and that things would be falling into place. But as these things sometimes happen: just when one area of life seems to be coming right, another is seemingly falling apart, and deep down I just knew we would have to wait longer because God commands a blessing where there is unity, and at that time we didn't have a consistent amount of that.

As we entered the month of August I was beginning to get antsy. Then one day I got this verse from a family friend: "Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete" John 16:24. I also happened to find, at that time, a blog record of another Christian couple's battle with infertility. It's probably important to note here that, at the start of this year I was obsessed with falling pregnant. I had an information supply on pregnancy and fertility that could rival Google, and I would get into an absolute tizz every time I got a negative pregnancy test or a visit from Aunty Flo. As I read this other couple's account, I realised our journey was very different: for one, we already had Zac which meant we didn't (seem to) suffer the same desperation that childless couples experienced. I also realised that in some ways, I was not so much sad as I was hopeful: isn't it funny how sometimes just when you stop looking for something you find it? After getting to a place of acceptance - about having (or not) more children, and about my life in general - when God gave me the promise of another child, I just didn't consider that He would not make good on it eventually. I wondered at times if I was being too casual about the whole thing. Sometimes there's such a fine line between trusting God like a daddy, and taking His work in your life for granted...

Then, amazingly, a few days later I listened to a sermon on Psalm 119:49 "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope" in which it was emphasised that (a) we are to remind God of his promises in boldness, and (b) we are to pray urgently, in faith. Was this for me again? I initially felt like I was 'within my rights" to apply this to my situation. Then I reminded myself that it had nothing to do with rights. Quite simply, God had promised me, and His grace gave me the freedom to both approach him in boldness, and expect some action from Him, in faith.

On the 7th August we found out we are pregnant! Soli Deo Gloria!"


Looking back, there were so many physical (and some less so) signs. There were things that, quite eerily, happened almost identically to when I found out I was pregnant with Zac - and I don't think it was that I didn't see them, I think I was just being cautious. As much as this story paints a picture of big faith, there was most certainly a fair amount of doubt too. And yet, I distinctly remember feeling like God and I had this amazing secret. When I plucked up enough courage to take the test, those two purple lines brought forth a wave of so many emotions. Even after a blood test confirmed it, it still felt surreal, and for the next 6 weeks or so I found myself a little hesitant to accept it, and often paranoid about all the things that may be going wrong (we don't ever learn, do we?).

But here we sit now - 15 weeks in - and I'm beginning to get it:
Every baby is God's baby. As much as we have a great or not so great pregnancy; if we find ourselves strictly following the 'rules' or not; whether we deliver naturally or by c-section; when we breastfeed or don't - it has absolutely nothing to do with us! God's grace creates and sustains our children! And while we do have the immense responsibility of caring for and rearing our babies (both in utero and out), it's that same grace that equips, strengthens and guides us to do so. Each child has a divine purpose and story.

This is the beginning of ours...

A Lesson in Obedience and Grace (part 2)

This is part two in a three part series on the story behind my second (current) pregnancy. If you've not yet caught the first instalment please read it here.

So far in the story, I've been diagnosed with infertility and I've tried the meds without success...

"At the end of May, while chatting to my friend via whatsapp one Saturday evening, she remembered about a photo that I'd sent our Life Group earlier in the week. It was a piece of paper that I'd  found in my jacket pocket that she'd given to me at least a year before with the following reference on it: Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours". She told me how strange it was that she hadn't seen it before then, and that she and her husband had been talking about that very passage, and in particular the verse that follows "and when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your father in heave may forgive you your sins" and they had thought it was applicable to me. I accepted and thanked her for the message. I didn't tell her now it resonated with me immediately, for two reasons:

Firstly:
Earlier that month, just before Mother's Day, I had decided to write my mom a letter. My mom and I have never had an exceptionally close relationship, and we just always seemed on opposite ends of everything. By the time I was at university I'd become somewhat cavalier about it, and when I fell pregnant with Zac I made peace with the fact that I would just have a very different relationship with her. Still I wanted to ensure it did not negatively impact her relationship with Zac. My mother was never 'different' with Zac, I just didn't want him to experience any distance from her, courtesy of me - so I wrote her a letter. I acknowledged the status of our relationship, and wanted to let her know it was ok to be simply what it was. I told her how being a mother allowed me to now understand so much of what she had tried to do for us growing up, and I thanked for her role in my life. It turned out to be cathartic and incredibly significant: both relationships (my mother and Zac's, as well as my mother and mine) have since experienced such a drastic and miraculous positive change. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Secondly:
Just after Mother's Day, and in light of my letter to my Mom, my sister had bought me tickets to a women's breakfast and a parenting workshop hosted by Focus on the Family. We went to the women's breakfast - my first - together (because sitting in a room full of spirit-filled warrior women so much better than me was not really something I would voluntarily subject myself to, especially not alone, and I honestly think I was just expecting a feel-good experience). What should have been a 'generic' edification for all the women in the room, turned out to be a direct message from God, to me. As I listened to this speaker, I saw her words form a picture of a woman that upon closer inspection I recognised to be me. She spoke about the pursuit of perfection, wanting to do everything excellently - even heartily as unto the Lord - and in that, leaving no room for grace: No room for grace for others, and even more significantly, no room for grace for me. I realised I have spent the majority of my life doing just that - relentlessly chasing excellence for a sense of self-worth and acceptance, trying to 'please' God, and then feeling so short-changed when others who had done seemingly less than me, or done it in the 'wrong' way, received a reward exactly like mine (or worse - even better than mine!). It became clear to me that I had not yet really understood or accepted the principles of grace: While the law pushes us to achieve, arrive and accomplish, grace talks about humbly serving everyone else. While law disqualifies those who don't 'make it', grace invites everyone in, mess and all. While law brings justice, grace brings healing. Grace eradicates both justice and self-sufficiency. It is not forceful - we must ask for it. It does not make logical sense or demand a set criteria be met. It meets us where you are, without expectation. Grace is not interested in us meeting the standard. Grace is all about us meeting Christ. The penny was dropping, at last.

Two days after our whatsapp conversation my friend gave me another Word. I was starting to get excited about all God was revealing to me, and I wanted to tell Andel the full series of messages from her and from the breakfast. I wanted to forward our entire conversations, but my phone had lost all the messages when it had spontaneously rebooted, so I eagerly asked my friend to resend it. I was not prepared for what she replied. She sent this:

"I was very ready to click copy but God stopped me. It's in your heart. He has strengthened you and is equipping you to do what you are supposed to do, just as He did before I sent the message. He says you know, and you don't need a human reminder, so feel the supernatural reminder and strength as we commit your heart and desires to Jesus and as all your warrior sisters hold your arms high in the supernatural."

A little later she contacted me again and went on to explain that I needed to 'make right' with whomever has wronged me so that my womb and my children could be free of resentment, bitterness and anger. After the letter I had written to my Mom, this was simply another confirmation. But I knew it wasn't finished, and I started thinking about more people I needed to do a similar thing with.

I was literally sending Andel an email about it when I got one more message:

"I feel God saying that this is your journey for now, you are to walk this part alone with Him, He wants to show you great and unsearchable things! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (Prov 3:5-6)."

I was blown away. I so much wanted to share what was going on, and yet, God was wanting this time exclusively with and for me. In her first word she had originally said "...you've been hurt and He sees that and loves you through that...He has delayed the second born for a special time. He says He will reveal why soon, but you have to trust Him, with all of your heart, and not lean on your own understanding or logic!..." It was the same verse, and now it kind of made sense. So I said nothing, and instead I started documenting what was happening in order to explain it to Andel (and others) later."

A Lesson in Obedience and Grace (part 1)

I think, for me, it always feels a little incomplete to announce a pregnancy without giving a bit of a story (this happened, and then I noticed this, and then suddenly I thought this...) and it's especially true in this case. This has been in the works for a while, and to give you the abridged version wouldn't really do the story justice. So I'm going to share the entire journey with you in a series of posts copied straight from the journal I kept. If that's not really your thing, please feel free to just browse past it. But for those who do read it, I trust that it'll spread hope and encourage faith, and that you'll be touched.


" Each year Andel and I create a wishlist of faith; things that we're trusting God for in the coming year. We love being able to tick off the list as God provides, and then look back and reflect on His timing and awesomeness. This year's list has five things: a house, a promotion/increase for both of us in our jobs, another baby and a family holiday...

Most of you know/know of Zac: the beautiful, strong-willed child that never seems to sit still, and loves playing the drums. There's little I love more than being a mother to him, so it's quite an emotional reflection for me to look back on my teens when everyone told me I wasn't the maternal type. People would comment about how I appeared the type of mother that would send my kids to boarding school - or have a nanny look after them for me. Truthfully it was a judgement that bothered and saddened me, and for years made me believe that I would never marry and have children. Then in my early twenties God made it very clear that I would have children, and I suddenly wanted four: boy, boy, girl, boy (don't ask me why it's like that - there's no logical explanation) before the age of 35. So when I fell pregnant with Zac at 28, two years after Andel and I got married, I figured children 2, 3 and 4 would follow relatively soon thereafter.

Then in March this year, after months of trying to fall pregnant, getting tested, monitoring cycles and having doctors check my system, I was officially diagnosed with idiopathic (unexplained) infertility. As a healthy, 30 year old woman, there was no physiological reason that I should not have been able to fall pregnant, and yet my progesterone levels were less than 10% of what a normal ovulating woman's levels should be. Quite simply: all evidence was pointing to the fact that I was not producing eggs to be fertilised. I'm not sure why we took it so lightly (perhaps we were in denial) but we told only three people: a colleague, my sister and another friend in our life group. The intention was that they would be able to pray for and with me. We chose not to tell our families.

I was advised to go on some medication to aid fertility. Despite the doctor's diagnosis I still believed that God would be able to work a miracle, and after prayer and discussion we decided to try the meds. We were comfortable with the fact that should something happen, it would be God, not the meds. But nothing happened. Around ovulation time that month I was in excruciating pain. We asked those three friends to pray with us again. It was then that my friend contacted me. She said she was so sorry, that she hadn't been obedient before, and that she had to be now. She told me that God had revealed to her weeks before that I should not take the meds. She explained that she had asked for another sign, and when God didn't give her one, she had left it. When I told her of my pain though, she was immediately reminded about it, and was told once again to tell me to stop the meds. And along with that instruction God gave her a whole message for me: it included how much He loved me and how well He knew me, and that my personality (being a scientist and all) would force me to try the meds before agreeing to go off them; how I had been hurt before, and how our second born was being delayed for a purpose. (I don't have the exact message because I lost it when my phone rebooted soon after). I very briefly (and vaguely) shared the message with Andel and stopped the meds that day - amazingly without any questions from the doctor. I felt God had graciously allowed all the medical professionals to step back, without me having to explain. Truthfully, when I think back to taking my first dose, I clearly remember hesitating just a little... "

And Now You Know

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So without any further ado...

(keep an eye on the blog for the full story)