Tuesday, 7 October 2014

A Lesson in Obedience and Grace (part 1)

I think, for me, it always feels a little incomplete to announce a pregnancy without giving a bit of a story (this happened, and then I noticed this, and then suddenly I thought this...) and it's especially true in this case. This has been in the works for a while, and to give you the abridged version wouldn't really do the story justice. So I'm going to share the entire journey with you in a series of posts copied straight from the journal I kept. If that's not really your thing, please feel free to just browse past it. But for those who do read it, I trust that it'll spread hope and encourage faith, and that you'll be touched.

" Each year Andel and I create a wishlist of faith; things that we're trusting God for in the coming year. We love being able to tick off the list as God provides, and then look back and reflect on His timing and awesomeness. This year's list has five things: a house, a promotion/increase for both of us in our jobs, another baby and a family holiday...

Most of you know/know of Zac: the beautiful, strong-willed child that never seems to sit still, and loves playing the drums. There's little I love more than being a mother to him, so it's quite an emotional reflection for me to look back on my teens when everyone told me I wasn't the maternal type. People would comment about how I appeared the type of mother that would send my kids to boarding school - or have a nanny look after them for me. Truthfully it was a judgement that bothered and saddened me, and for years made me believe that I would never marry and have children. Then in my early twenties God made it very clear that I would have children, and I suddenly wanted four: boy, boy, girl, boy (don't ask me why it's like that - there's no logical explanation) before the age of 35. So when I fell pregnant with Zac at 28, two years after Andel and I got married, I figured children 2, 3 and 4 would follow relatively soon thereafter.

Then in March this year, after months of trying to fall pregnant, getting tested, monitoring cycles and having doctors check my system, I was officially diagnosed with idiopathic (unexplained) infertility. As a healthy, 30 year old woman, there was no physiological reason that I should not have been able to fall pregnant, and yet my progesterone levels were less than 10% of what a normal ovulating woman's levels should be. Quite simply: all evidence was pointing to the fact that I was not producing eggs to be fertilised. I'm not sure why we took it so lightly (perhaps we were in denial) but we told only three people: a colleague, my sister and another friend in our life group. The intention was that they would be able to pray for and with me. We chose not to tell our families.

I was advised to go on some medication to aid fertility. Despite the doctor's diagnosis I still believed that God would be able to work a miracle, and after prayer and discussion we decided to try the meds. We were comfortable with the fact that should something happen, it would be God, not the meds. But nothing happened. Around ovulation time that month I was in excruciating pain. We asked those three friends to pray with us again. It was then that my friend contacted me. She said she was so sorry, that she hadn't been obedient before, and that she had to be now. She told me that God had revealed to her weeks before that I should not take the meds. She explained that she had asked for another sign, and when God didn't give her one, she had left it. When I told her of my pain though, she was immediately reminded about it, and was told once again to tell me to stop the meds. And along with that instruction God gave her a whole message for me: it included how much He loved me and how well He knew me, and that my personality (being a scientist and all) would force me to try the meds before agreeing to go off them; how I had been hurt before, and how our second born was being delayed for a purpose. (I don't have the exact message because I lost it when my phone rebooted soon after). I very briefly (and vaguely) shared the message with Andel and stopped the meds that day - amazingly without any questions from the doctor. I felt God had graciously allowed all the medical professionals to step back, without me having to explain. Truthfully, when I think back to taking my first dose, I clearly remember hesitating just a little... "

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