Six Going on Sixteen

It's two days past Zac's birthday, so this post is already late - but then we did have a minor hospital visit we had to contend with. Ordinarily this lack of birthday blog preparedness and consistency would bend me out of shape, so it's pleasantly surprising that this delay has allowed me to do a retrospective post this year.

Zac, you are complex. That's putting it mildly. And your sixth year that's just passed has been both interesting and challenging, because you are no longer a pre-schooler stuck in the in-between of baby and big. You are now a grown boy. Of course, navigating this cross over is a learning curve, and we've knocked heads a number of times (two strong wills, one on either side of an argument, is going to do that plenty still).  It's easy to get caught up in the difficulties - mostly because they are few and far between when compared to the good times, and so we remember them better - but I want to celebrate and remember the good things; the stuff that is the essence of who you are. Because I realise that's what everyone sees in you, all the time, even through tantrum-tinted glasses.

You are so bright. Oh my word. You have an understanding of the world and people, and things you shouldn't even be thinking about yet, that is, well, intimidating, if I'm honest. But it's a pleasure to hear you read to your siblings, and have you programme things on my phone, or set the laptop up for movies; and what would I do without you being able to turn the oven on and off? What's the best though is that you have a heart full of desire to learn, and in that you lovingly encourage others to as well.

"A blessed 6th birthday to our little 'professor' Zac Klaasen... Jesus loves you so much and we love you too!"

All of a sudden, you are sport crazy! First it was swimming. Then cricket. Then rugby. Then formula one. Now football and cycling. And it's not that you jump from one interest to the other; you simply add to a growing list of disciplines, activities and events that you are actually obsessed with.

"Happy birthday to our cricket-crazy Zac-iii! You are so much brain is a small-y body... and the cutest mouthful of perfect square teeth. We love you so much..."

You are loving. You are committed and put time and effort into relationships. You enjoy fellowship with others; to engage. Of course, there are times this comes in the form of conflict, but you are sensitive and pure in heart, so you apologise and reconcile willingly. And you love Jesus. You are an authentic worshipper, and love serving in His house.

"Happy birthday gorgeous boy. What a blessing you are in our lives... a true gentleman with a heart for the Lord."

Zac James, you can drive me mad, but you sure do make me proud. I'm learning that all your qualities are purposeful, and that if I can do my bit to hone them without stifling them, you'll one day be able to use them to do great things. I love you, my boy. You made me a mom, and it has been the most wonderful privilege to watch you grow. You make me so much better than I could be without you, and I'm excited by the many more adventures I know you'll take me on. Love you forever, x

Family Bucket List: Term 2

It's report time again! Here is how we are fairing on our family bucket list for the first half of the year. I'm pleased to say there are a good couple we achieved in Term 1 already, so this is an update on what we have left.

Goal: Try camping alone as a family, in a tent
Progress: Slow
Comment: We wanted to do this late April, but the had a family engagement happen on the same weekend. We'll have to try Spring, if possible!

Goal: Play more family games
Progress: On track
Comment: Winter has helped us to make more of the time we have together indoors. UNO and other games have made a re-appearance in our living room!

Goal: Eat less bread
Progress: On track
Comment: I have decided to lower my carb intake and reduce the amount of bread I eat. I'd like to get back to eating no bread, but while I'm still nursing Bayley I'm willing to sacrifice the bod for the baby.

Goal: Explore a different part of South Africa
Progress:Far behind
Comment: I'm not sure we're going to get this one done with all the other travel related things we're meant to do. Maybe we can make the most of being in the Garden Route in July and make that count?

Goal: Make Bayley's baby book
Progress: On track
Comment: I've been making notes of milestones and keeping all the special pics as she develops. The book making process itself is going to take a while though; it always does. I'm going to target September holidays for this.

Goal: Send Isla and Luke a postcard each month
Progress: Failed
Comment: We have not sent a single postcard. I could blame the price of postcards or the unreliability of the SA postal service, but truthfully, I think even if these elements were in our favour, I'd still struggle to get it done.

Goals: Cook Christmas lunch + travel overseas + visit the Weber and Graham families
Progress: On track
Comment: Yes, we are set to do all of this, in December, in the UK. Woohoo!

Goals: Create a wall garden + grow herbs
Progress: Slow
Comment: I really want to do this, but not even Checkers' Little Garden is helping here. I need someone who is better with DIY than Andel and I are.

Goal: Do more promenade or trail walks together
Progress: Slow
Comment: We didn't do enough of this while we could, and now it's raining (thankfully!) so we are attempting a variation on this, and are going to start doing a family swim session each weekend. Assuming I can get into my costume...

Goal: Learn more about nature and animals
Progress: Slow
Comment: I'm not deliberate enough about this - but I have a plan! This holiday, we're going to try spend more time focusing on achieving this by doing things like visiting the museum or the aquarium etc. My kids are super keen, and so am I!

Goal: Practise not raising our voices when we speak to each other
Progress: Steady
Comment: We don't have this down yet, but we are a lot more mindful about it, and are reminding each other that added volume is not always necessary or effective.


All in all, I'm actually quite pleasantly surprised by how we're faring. Apart from one or two irrecoverable fails, we're actually progressing quite nicely. And now that I've done this exercise of checking up, I'm actually super keen to start ticking some more things off the list!

A Surprise Sadness

I have to admit, I wasn't so keen when we initially got her. She was unexpected, she was expensive, and she came at the cost of my other baby. I didn't really think that I'd become attached, or that I would be so sad to say goodbye.

But thinking back over the years, as we have built a life together, we have banked many memories, and our black 2006 Avant Garde Mercedes C200 Sportswagon was part of many of them.

She first greeted me as a student teacher. I had literally been dropped at school with one car (my beloved Opel Corsa, made redundant by its two doors and our growing family), and was collected by another. She seemed a little too fancy for my liking, but Andel loved the German engineering and sixth gear, and the luxury and comfort of traveling in her grew on me. She allowed me to change baby Zac's nappy in the roomy boot, and safely raced us to the hospital later that year (and a couple more times thereafter) when Zac needed oxygen (or Sam took one of his many tumbles).

She reminded us that we were now a family. She took us to too many house viewings than we could care to admit, and carted carloads of boxes in many trips when we bought our new home. She faithfully transported Sam home after he was born, and miraculously made space for a third person on the back seat once Bayley arrived. She loaded sports balls, push-bikes, twin-prams, baby bags, and Andel's beloved Scott with ease - and we never had to keep our groceries at our feet!

Her greatest feat, however, was when she kept us safe on Sunday 13 May 2018 at 20h30 when we were hit by a wreckless drunk driver on our way home. We were all in the car, and - minus the whiplash - not seriously harmed. If you were to look at her, the damage looks minimal. But, the car has legitimately been written off, and all the experts agree, had we been in a different car, we may have been telling a different story.

To be honest, she has grown to feel as much a part of our family as the humans who for the last five years have been riding in her, and seeing her being towed away on the flatbed last night left us all feeling a little sad.

Perhaps (in an attempt to find some silver lining) it is better that while we can't keep her; neither can anyone else. This way she will always stay our Beaute Noire.

The Baby or The Bod?

Disclaimer: Even though I know this conundrum is shared by many, I'm going to speak only for myself here. 

Bayley is now 8 months old. She is a bubbly and boisterous, and rather reluctant baby. After all, when you can be big like your brothers, there's no fun in being bound to cots, chairs and crawling on the floor. She wants to stand and walk, throw things around, and shriek with excitement, just like they do.

I am 8 months postpartum and still 8kg short of reaching my pre-pregnancy weight. A whole 8kg! Now, I know better than to put absolute values here; I know that people come in different shapes and sizes. So to help you understand this is in the context of my life: all this basically means is that since giving birth last September, I have lost less than half my pregnancy weight. Usually I advocate taking it easy and taking at least the time it took to put the weight on, to lose it. But I'm sure you can understand my angst now that that time is approaching, and I don't foresee any miraculous shrinking this month.

The trouble is: I know what to do (spoiler alert: the answer is low-carb-high-fat with intermittent fasting) and I know that it will work, relatively fast too. I have done it before, at this same stage after Sam's birth. But, apart from the discipline that I'm not sure I have right now, I know it will have a negative effect on my nursing journey - in particular, being able to express for Bayley during the day.

You see, my boys mix fed (breast-milk and formula) between 6 and 12 months meaning that I didn't really have to express. Bayley, however, has only ever had expressed milk while we're apart, and I feel a bit like we're on such a good wicket, I want to keep it going.

So is it the baby or the body?

Please don't misunderstand: of course my baby is far more important than my body! Even at my very best, I'm no supermodel! Still, I don't quite recognise the body I find myself in. I'm used to at least feeling relatively fit and healthy. And not fitting into my clothes, or having a few extra rolls here, or having less space there - that all makes me feel not fit and healthy!

And this time around, I have the extra perspective and responsibility (courtesy of now being a mom of a daughter) of not wanting to body shame myself or model to my children that one can only be fit/healthy/happy when you're skinnier.

There's no answer to this story. Sorry! I guess I'm trying to learn as I go along.
Are there things that can be cut out of my current diet (baked goods, refined carbs and junk food) - absolutely!
Are there things that are not low carb that are not the worst things (think fruits, veg etc.) - probably.
Will Bayley need me to express forever - no.

Here's to life. And to trying to achieve some sort of balance.