Disclaimer: Even though I know this conundrum is shared by many, I'm going to speak only for myself here.
Bayley is now 8 months old. She is a bubbly and boisterous, and rather reluctant baby. After all, when you can be big like your brothers, there's no fun in being bound to cots, chairs and crawling on the floor. She wants to stand and walk, throw things around, and shriek with excitement, just like they do.
I am 8 months postpartum and still 8kg short of reaching my pre-pregnancy weight. A whole 8kg! Now, I know better than to put absolute values here; I know that people come in different shapes and sizes. So to help you understand this is in the context of my life: all this basically means is that since giving birth last September, I have lost less than half my pregnancy weight. Usually I advocate taking it easy and taking at least the time it took to put the weight on, to lose it. But I'm sure you can understand my angst now that that time is approaching, and I don't foresee any miraculous shrinking this month.
The trouble is: I know what to do (spoiler alert: the answer is low-carb-high-fat with intermittent fasting) and I know that it will work, relatively fast too. I have done it before, at this same stage after Sam's birth. But, apart from the discipline that I'm not sure I have right now, I know it will have a negative effect on my nursing journey - in particular, being able to express for Bayley during the day.
You see, my boys mix fed (breast-milk and formula) between 6 and 12 months meaning that I didn't really have to express. Bayley, however, has only ever had expressed milk while we're apart, and I feel a bit like we're on such a good wicket, I want to keep it going.
So is it the baby or the body?
Please don't misunderstand: of course my baby is far more important than my body! Even at my very best, I'm no supermodel! Still, I don't quite recognise the body I find myself in. I'm used to at least feeling relatively fit and healthy. And not fitting into my clothes, or having a few extra rolls here, or having less space there - that all makes me feel not fit and healthy!
And this time around, I have the extra perspective and responsibility (courtesy of now being a mom of a daughter) of not wanting to body shame myself or model to my children that one can only be fit/healthy/happy when you're skinnier.
There's no answer to this story. Sorry! I guess I'm trying to learn as I go along.
Are there things that can be cut out of my current diet (baked goods, refined carbs and junk food) - absolutely!
Are there things that are not low carb that are not the worst things (think fruits, veg etc.) - probably.
Will Bayley need me to express forever - no.
Here's to life. And to trying to achieve some sort of balance.