Day 21: NYE 2018 Reflection

At the start of this year, for the first time, we did a 2018 Family Bucket List aimed at allowing us to grow as individuals and as a family, and experience some special things in between. As we wish this year farewell, I thought I'd report. back on how well (or not) we did at our first attempt.

There are couple things we really aced. We got into it immediately, and whether by habit or purposeful intention, we stuck at it throughout the year. This would include: going to bed on time; eating less bread (the adults, that is; the kids eat plenty bread to the point of is bordering on problematic); seeing a movie with the kids each holiday; giving back by donating clothes / bedding / household items of not only old, but also just not needed or being used; sharing hugs all the time; limiting tv time to limited weekend and holiday slots; and praying together as a family in the morning.

There were some things that kind of caught us by surprise. For example: being mindful about being more respectful, and practising not raising our voices. I realise that this was more for me than anyone else. My expectation has always been for my kids to exercise both of these, but I forget that (a) they are small children who break the rules all the time, and more importantly (b) they will learn this from me. So I have really tried to be more calm (of course I have many moments when things reach boiling point, and my temper joins it), and remember that my kids need my respect and consideration too.

The big ticket items we ticked off were: traveling overseas and visiting The Grahams and Webers. I feel it's important that, when we made up this bucket list, we didn't have the funds to go. This was added in faith, and we had plenty obstacles in getting there, but how wonderful is this holiday we are on? It's God's lavish grace and favour that has brought us here, and we are so very grateful.

Of course there were also times we fell off the bus in a big way - like: sending Luke and Isla a postcard each month (we didn't even manage one!); doing more exercise / prom walks (although I did start swimming in October); growing a herb garden (who was I kidding? I love the idea, but I don't really have the space or the patience); and learn more about nature and animals ( I was relying on Zac for that). I'm keen for us to try some of these again rather than just give them up altogether, so watch this space!

I'm determined to have us camp, and explore more of SA, so be sure to catch that and more on 2019's List in January!

Day 16: Pause

I seem to have a Christmas / Holiday hangover. Not literally, like alcohol induced. I just seem to have had this trip and all the activities of the last few days catch up with me, and in addition to feeling shattered, the scratch-and-burn in my throat suggests I may be getting ill too. It should come as no surprise then that I almost didn't make it out of my pjs today. I took full advantage of not having anything really pressing to do, and decided instead to have a bit of a pause - in life, and on the blog.


I'm thinking about... how unusual this Christmas has been. While it's not our first away from home, it is the first time that my parents have not have us, Ash and her family, or Dom around. It's actually such an uncommon occurrence, that we have just decided to have Christmas in January instead. Having said that though: my parents sure do seem to be enjoying the peace and quiet!


I'm watching... a helluva lot of telly! I never really watch back home. If anything, there is just sport playing in the background sometimes. Here though, there is Sky TV and Netflix, and a host of catch up series and movies, sports tournaments and a host of other entertainment options. Today I watched some cricket, a couple old episode of Hawaii Five-0, and started the second series of The Good Doctor. It was a good day, and my eyes are probably square.


I'm listening to... the greatest Christmas playlists ever! I really do enjoy the seasonal music, especially the different interpretations and versions of songs. On my own, I don't have the time to put a decent playlist together, so it certainly helps that aunty Lynne, uncle Eddie and Spotify have already done so for me! Currently, my one of my favourites (although it's a bit of a throwback) is: A Strange Way to Save the World.

I'm loving... being here in the UK with my family to visit my family. It's been four years since we've seen most of the Weber family here, and also four years since we were last able to travel. Since then we have added two kids to the mix, which has made it considerably more busy (and logistically complex) to get around, but I truthfully wouldn't want to do this any other way. I can see how what my kids are experiencing now - being able to travel, and getting to know their extended family - is forming precious memories they'll be able to treasure as they get older. And it's wonderful to be in a home away from home.


I'm busy... procrastinating about the work that I need to have done before I return to the office. I know I have to do it, and I know I should do it soon so that I don't worry about it every day. Still, I don't get around to doing it. It's going to ruin what's left of my stay if I don't get onto it, fast. Tomorrow. I hope.


I'm going to... see my bestie in Ireland next week! When as friends you are separated on two opposite sides of the world, it can sometimes be hard to maintain a friendship like you want to. Tarrin and I have been apart in this way for over seven years now, so when you consider that we last saw each other three years ago, this reunion is overdue and much anticipated. I cannot wait to just be, together!


I'm battling with... some anxiety again. I had a bit of a wobble just before leaving on holiday, and it's taking a while to get back on track. I feel peaceful right now, but I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that I am no where near when my anxiety often originates. I can already feel the rising apprehension at having to go back home and face my demons. I am getting better though. I am so much more aware of what's going on, and how I'm reacting and responding to everything, and I am determined to continue the progress I have been making this year.


I'm resolving to... make the most of the rest of this holiday. That includes:
Being present with my family so that we can embark on adventures and make memories together.
Soaking up every minute I'm able to spend with my friends and family while we are here.
Not become obsessed about the lack of healthy choices I have made in terms of foot and fitness lately.
Be kind.

Day 15: Boxing Day Traditions

Being from South Africa, it is not uncommon to find many people celebrating Boxing Day (the day after Christmas Day) on the beach. The weather in the Southern Hemisphere is usually decidedly warm, and spending a long day of relaxation at the seaside sounds like a great idea. Before spending my first Christmas in the UK, I had no idea that people around these parts do something similar.

Did you know?
In an event called the Boxing Day Dip people all over Europe brave the cold weather and water, and take a dip in the frigid sea - in fancy dress costume, no less - as part of a charity fundraiser.

They say "when in Rome, do as the Romans do", so we went to the beach today. Not for a Boxing Day Dip though! It turns out those who don't do the Boxing Day Dip do more of a Boxing Day Costal Walk, so that's what we opted for.

Late this morning we head out to Wells, a picturesque kind of port village, on the northern coast of Norfolk. It was pretty chilly and misty out, so even though we were dressed pretty warmly, we didn't head onto the actual beach. Rather we hung around the little harbour area before heading to the local arcade centre. It was the first time we were all out together: the Webers, Tim's girlfriend, and us, and we had a good time competing against each other and the machines, all collecting tickets for the kids to get a nice momento. And they did! Between them they managed to exchange their tickets for a Rubik's Cube, two Spiderman bouncy balls, and a bottle of bubbles each.

Of course, by the time we were done there, it was getting dark, and although we'd promised the boys some ice cream (they've asked every day), we could not find an open cafe. So we head home - to do the other Boxing Day tradition: eat left over roast and trifle! No one complained.

Day 14: So This is Christmas

Before last year, my children had zero interest in Santa and other Christmas “commercialism” (for lack of a better term). In fact, they had never actually received gifts from him – or us, for that matter. They knew that it was a festive holiday, they knew about the Christmas story, and they knew that they may receive gifts from family and friends, and that was enough.

Then last year, the whole year, they wanted bikes, and suddenly Zac was five-and-a-half, and intrigued by the mystery of Santa and his reindeer. We had to post letters, and on Christmas Eve set out cookies and milk for his visit. And when he left footprints in the house, Zac was quick to mention that he was a little messy. By all indications, Santa was a living part of our lives.

This year it was even more so with Sam on the bandwagon as well. They wrote their letters, careful to include that they would not be at home, and Santa should please bring their gifts to our holiday location in England. We even visited a local Santa representative – because, obviously, the real Santa doesn’t come out until Christmas Eve (the logic of a very smart six-year-old); set out additional carrot treats for the reindeer, and tracked Santa’s movements on the internet before bed.

There’s no denying: Christmas morning with young kids who are engrossed in the Wonder, is something special. Even without the snow (that we knew probably wasn’t coming), waking to a silvery blanket of frost on the windows and the ground was pretty magical. But I was also very aware of the fact that we can so easily become caught up in it all: focusing on expensive gifts, extravagant decorations, and making a savior out of Santa - and miss the real sentiment and meaning of Christmas.

Fortunately, Santa seems to be on the same page. He did not bring everything the kids wanted, and so he left a note explaining the real reasons why. He also reminded them to be thankful for all they have, consider those who were not as fortunate as them, enjoy their time with family and friends, and always remember the greatest Christmas gift of all: Jesus.

So as we spend this special day with our loved ones in England, and think fondly of those spread out all over the world, we wish you a blessed Christmas. We pray that everyone would know the deep love of Jesus Christ, and the peace and joy that He brings.

Day 13: Remembering Christmas Eve 2008

Christmas Eve is my favourite day of the year. It has been for a while, and I'm not really sure how it started, but it is now also a bit of an anniversary for us.

Today, 10 years ago, Andel and I got engaged. I remember we were both still working in the health and wellness industry, at different clubs. That was back in the day when neither of us took holidays over Christmas, and opted instead to work the shifts no one else wanted to, knowing that things were quiet and days were shorter.

Christmas Eve in 2008 was obviously one of those shorter shift days, because I remember Andel asking me to a late lunch. I left work early to meet him at the flat he was sharing with our friend, Adair. When I got there the living room had been beautifully set out for an indoor picnic of sorts. I remember they had this low coffee table - and scatter cushions - that worked perfectly for the occasion. I don't recall too many other details though. I just know at some point, Andel was having this serious conversation with me, and then asked me to marry him.

The rest of the proceedings are a bit of a blur. It wasn't totally unexpected; we had started talking about marriage prior to that. It was still a big change though, and. I remember sending my sisters a text saying something like, "I think I'm going to faint; I just got engaged." Is that cheesy or what?!

I'll tell you though: it was quite something relaying the story to the boys today. I realised that as adults sometimes it's easy to relay stories of significant events with these comprehensive terms that kind of cover all the detail and yet are void of emotion. When I told my friends and family about our engagement, that was all I had to say: that we got engaged. I didn't have to explain how we felt or what we said to each other. As my children asked me questions like "what does engagement mean", I found myself having to express out loud things that most of us keep quiet. The things that, quite honestly, we sometimes forget with time and pride.

While these matters remain private, as I was explaining things in the simplest terms I could come up with, I recognised an opportunity to teach my children about authenticity, vulnerability, and love. And because they already know first hand how imperfect both Andel and I are, I could it free of judgment and pressure. I could include God's design for us to be in relationship with others; the blessing of being part of families; and His grace that protects and provides.

In a world where we often adult with difficulty and reluctance, I hope that even our little story can give them something of their own story to look forward to one day...

Day 11: Meeting Santa

Today we took the kids to meet Santa. It was a unique experience.

1. Did you know that in the UK you have to pay to see Santa? Coming from home where this is one thing you don't have to pay for, I thought it quite strange at first. I also felt terrible for the fact that aunty Lynne had purchased this tickets for the kids (because you have to book as well). But how do you tell your kids you've changed you mind when you're already at the entrance to the Grotto?

2. Santa was on a break when we got there. This left enough time for Zac's mind to start working, and for him to ask me how it was possible that Santa could be at so many places at the same time for people to meet him. I had to think fast, and fortunately satisfied him with my answer of these men simply being representatives of the real Santa because he was busy preparing for his trip on Christmas Eve.

3. We had to see Santa at a Garden Centre because all the shopping centres were fully booked. It turns out there are some benefits to being at a smaller place. Because people are less likely to come to these places as a first option, they generally offer other things that make it as - if not more - appealing than the opposition. One of these things were that the kids were able to have their faces painted by a fantastic artist - free of charge! After some vacillating Sam chose a bunny. I didn't have the heart to tell him he may have gotten the festive holidays mixed up. Zac, never wanting to look a free gift horse in the mouth, took the option that involved the most facial coverage, and landed up with a swan lake mural on his face.

4. The kids got gifts! And suddenly the price to pay to visit Santa didn't seem quite as ridiculous anymore. The parents enter the grotto with their kids because it's actually a closed off room where kids can speak to Santa privately. Our Santa was great. He asked the kids about their letter (that they had only posted a few days before), and spoke to them about their behaviour (it was like he'd read my mind). He then gave them each a gift from his sack. My kids were so surprised and thankful, they literally jumped on his lap to hug him. Except Bayley, of course. Bayley was having none of this Santa-stranger separating her from me, and promptly let everyone know about it.

After the grotto visit we took the kids for a light lunch, and they played in the playground. They were literally the only kids there because it was bloody cold - but they had fun all the same. It's definitely been one of their better days. I only wish I had threatened them with Santa sooner - this is only going to work two more days.

Day 8 - 10: Wales

Everyone loves a good road trip, and we are no different. One of the things we were looking forward to, coming here, was the cross-country trip from the East of England to Cardiff in Wales to see my cousin Christopher.

On Wednesday, Uncle Ed finished work early, and we head off – him, aunty Lynne, and us. The five-hour journey was quite pleasant actually, thanks mostly to the mobile theatre uncle Ed had set up for the boys so that they could watch movies almost all the way!

We got to our accommodation in Cardiff around 20h00, in the pouring rain, and we were welcomed by Christopher who lives a couple streets away. It was so good chatting and catching up.

The next day we explored the city. First, we went to the natural history museum, something the boys had been looking forward to ever since aunty Lynne told them about the dinosaur display. Then we went over to Winter Wonderland, an outdoor carnival-type set up of food trucks, games, stalls and an outdoor ice rink. Zac, who has been wanting to go on the Bumper Cars for forever, finally got to go along with his dad, uncle Ed and Sam.

It was while we were there that it started raining again, so we made our way into a shopping centre where we could walk around under cover. There also happened to be an Adventure Golf place there, so the boys played a double round while the girls had warm drinks. 

When we left, it was dark, despite being only 17h00. I still can’t really get used to that. It’s like my body automatically assumes it’s nighttime, and then wants to go to bed. If only that worked on the boys! They were awake playing with Chris way into the night before heading to bed.

Friday morning was dry. We took it slow, before saying goodbye to Chris, and heading back to Norfolk. Needless to say, we all had a good snooze on the road, and are now refreshed for the weekend!

Day 5

Well, yesterday's promise of snow didn't render much, and today the sun is shining again.

We started the day heading to One Church with aunty Lynne and uncle Eddie. They had a really fun Christmas family service with lots of activities including a Christmas quiz (you know, for some harmless competition between family). It reminded us a lot of our church back in Cape Town, and the kids felt right at home.

Seeing as though we were already in the City, we head straight for the market after church. There were stalls in wooden cabins lining the walkways, lights all over the streets, a brass band playing carols, a choir singing, people walking around with their mulled wine... I'm not even joking: it felt like I was in a Christmas movie (cheesy, I know, but also really magical, actually). There also happened to be a Mechanical Circus exhibition close by, so we took the kids to see that as well.

We eventually head home after 15h00 for a late lunch, and spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. Aunty Lynne and the boys are on holiday now (it's only uncle Eddie still heading to school for a few days) so I know we'll at least start tomorrow with a lay-in!

Day 4

Today was cold. Like 2 degrees, real feel of -5 degrees kind of cold. In fact, it was so cold, we had a snow warning for today. And we nearly got some too. We had a fine sprinkling that quickly turned into sleet, before the heavens opened with rain - the first time I've experienced rain in Norfolk, I think.

Because of the weather forecast for today, we spent most of the morning indoors doing some housekeeping. We did the laundry (thank goodness for tumble drying) and tied up a bit. Uncle Eddie had gone to play golf, so we waited until he got back before we head out anywhere.

We took a short trip into the city later the afternoon, but it was cut short when not long after 16h00 - in absolute darkness - that rain storm started. It meant we opted to head home - but not before Andel was able to take advantage of Nike's 50%-off sale, and get himself and Bayley a pair of trainers each!

The kids are a little disappointed that they haven't had any snow yet, but all was not lost today: in the spirit of Christmas, we spent the evening huddled together on the sofa with hot drinks, watching Michael Buble's Christmas Special, and a few Christmas movies. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Day 3

Today Bayley and I went to school with Aunty Lynne while Andel stayed home with the boys. I had agreed, even before we arrived, to visit Great Yarmouth Charter Academy, largely because of the incredible changes that have taken place there over the last year or so.

(For more information on this, just search Google; it's quite a story!)

To many GYCA would seem like a sort of prison. Admittedly, compared to schools of today, the rules that they enforce seem strict. However, upon closer inspection, they are very much like school rules were when I was a scholar. Anyway, these kids - even on the last day of school - are so well behaved and respectful. They were not even distracted by Bayley who was walking around the classroom demanding their attention.

Speaking of which: Bayley seems to be on the up. The pimples she has had around her mouth have dried up, and appear to be clearing. Also, she started eating today which is massive as she's basically been like a newborn nursing all the time. We took her to the pharmacist today, to see if they had anything to say about what could give her to speed her recovery and make her more comfortable. Even he said she's looking great, is chirpy, and will probably be right as rain after the weekend. So that's what we're hoping for.

It has been wonderful catching up with the family over dinners and coffee. It's something I've really missed. Now that we've had a chance to settle in, and Bayley is doing better, we are looking forward to doing some exploring soon too.

Day 2

Bayley seems to be settling. Thank the Lord!

Still, we opted not to head out anywhere today. She has some sores inside her mouth, and it's pretty painful for her a lot of the time, so we don't want to force her into the cold when it isn't necessary. Also, the Webers are still at work this week, so we don't mind chilling at the house, and saving the day trips for when they're able to come along with us.

So we had a bit of a pyjama day. I did some work, and the boys have binged watched Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol, and are probably in need of a good detox soon! It was a restful day which I think, given the madness of the first half of the week, was much needed.

The weather has gotten cooler. Initially when we arrived I didn't really feel cold at all. It's certainly turning now. In fact, there has even been a warning for snow over the weekend. And I happen to know two little boys who would be overjoyed with that. So we wait and see.

Day 1

Last night was a rough one. Bayley, who traveled with a secondary reaction to a vaccination, was not happy, and screamed a lot of the time - which is totally unusual for her. So today we tried to take it easy, and stay near the house.

The highlight of our day was taking a long stroll through the village. It's so beautiful and quiet here. There's something so invited about the large open spaces, quaint houses, fresh air, and the absence of city life, for at least as far as you can see and hear. The kids welcomed the walk, and didn't even ask to be carried! Bayley slept in the buggy, and the boys - thankfully - resisted the temptation to jump into every muddy puddle!

Sam, however, could not resist helping himself to a treat at the local store. We just stopped in there briefly to look around, but when we got home, to our horror, Sam revealed the treat in his pocket. Needless to say: he will be learning a valuable lesson tomorrow when he returns the treat and apologises to the owner.

We're off for an early night, hoping that it goes better than the last!

The Journey: Cape Town to London

Four years ago, when we last made a trip over the ocean, I worked a full day before heading – rather rushed, if I’m honest – to the airport to catch the flight. I swore I would never do it again. But, much like with childbirth, the mind remembers only the sweet introductions and burst of love; it forgets the pains it took to get there. And so, Andel and I still had work, and Zac still had an orientation day, before we left.

Lately, Cape Town’s weather has been welomingly cooler than usual. Of course yesterday, when we were leaving for the UK, and hoping to wear our warm and heavy clothing, it was hot. The fact that we went sak en pak with additional things in hand may or may not have contributed to one very overweight suitcase. Thankfully respect and kindness goes a long way – at least far enough to turn a gracefully blind eye to an extra 1kg in each bag (after we had repacked everything). Too bad it didn’t extend to the two jars of Caliente Chili Bombs that we had to leave behind.

At this point it seems fitting to mention that we managed to successfully put all our luggage (for 5 people) in two large suitcases and a small on-board backpack! Thank the Lord; because once touching down at Heathrow our movements included taking the Picadilly Tube to Holborn, then changing to the Central Line (where there are no lifts or escalators, just saying), and then taking a train from Liverpool Street to Norwich. I’m sure you can picture it: Andel with Bayley in a carry-pack on his back, me with a backpack on mine, and each of us dragging one suitcase and one boy by the hand.

To be fair though: the boys travelled wonderfully. I don’t think we had even takeoff from Cape Town when I already concluded that even if we had just flown into London and back out again thereafter, it would have been worth it to see the unbridled excitement and sheer joy they could not contain. Between being about to see all the starts (and planets, apparently) out the window, having an individual tv of all their favourite shows, and being able to order things from the stewards, they may have thought that they died and went to heaven.

We are now in Norfolk with the Webers. We are tired, and the kids are a little over-stimulated, but we are so happy to be here. Let the holidays begin!

World Mental Health Day

Today is October 10, World Mental Health Day, and it seems only right to come out with the fact that for many, many years, I have been battling - sometimes suffering - with anxiety.

I only recently - the last few years or so - started revealing this to people. Not many would ever have guessed otherwise. Mostly, it's because I'm really organised, always in control, calm under pressure, and not afraid to stand my ground. I'm not typically shy or nervous. No one at work would have suspected because I'm super-efficient, I get my work done, on time - and take on extra responsibilities, without complaining or apparently struggling. At home, I balance the roles of wife, mother, sister, daughter etc. with being involved in lecturing on the side, helping friends with their businesses, serving at my church...

But sometimes that's exactly what anxiety looks like. This kind of "high functioning" anxiety allows you to be punctual, detail-orientated, proactive, high-achieving and passionate, all the while carrying the cost of over-thinking, ruminating, not being able to sleep, being afraid of saying no, being unreasonably busy, and a constant mental and physical exhaustion.

Sometimes there are big episodes - like a culmination of the constant.

Late in 2016, it wasn't until I had tried for months, without success, to shake the fatigue, listlessness and extra-poor health that I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with chronic anxiety, depression and burn out. I was medicated that very day...

Back in 2012 I was a first time mother, with a demanding newborn, stuck inside for weeks, alone at home, in the middle of a long and miserable winter. I was completely overwhelmed and under-prepared. While my heart was so happy for what I had, my mind was a mess with motherhood...

I can go back probably twenty years I'd say. Mostly though, it's in every day. For me, even at the best of times, you can still see it.

It's in the way that I need to have a detailed plan for everything.
How I have to be in control and check, double-check and triple-check things.
It's how I need to tap out when I'm overstimulated.
The way I snap at my undeserving children when I'm engulfed by my emotions. And then am overridden with guilt afterwards.
It's how I worry about everything. All the time. Even what I know I cannot control.
It's the intense buyer's remorse I feel over everything: from a huge decision like buying a house, to the mundane like getting. haircut
It's how I can't send a text message impulsively, and how I cannot resist the urge to immediately correct the spelling or grammar (or autocorrect) errors.
It's my deep over-concern for putting others out, and how bent out of shape I can get over a decision like changing schools for my kids.
It's an irrational explosion of emotion, and inexplicable irritation at things not done the right way.
It's my intense fear of failure. And that my children may be anxious like me.
It's a next-level dose of Sunday blues that sometimes begins on a Saturday.
Most obviously, you can usually tell by the pile of hair found next to a spot I've been sitting when I'm stressed.

I have been so blessed to have people around me who have identified this disorder, helped me deal with it, and not left me because of it. I have had medicinal and counselling treatment, and have discovered ways in which I can try get a handle on things for myself. I feel fortunate to have dodged the lure of substance abuse to cope, and am forever grateful for the grace that covers and spares me each day.

I'm know I'm getting better: I no longer have to hang the washing ROYGBIV, and I am surviving in a messy home (I could provably thank my three children for helping with that). I was forced to start prioritising, and had to eliminate things - even things I enjoyed - for my life to get a better balance. I've come a long way. And still have a long way to go.

I guess the point of this post is the following:

1. Mental Health Disorders are a real thing. There should be no shame or ridicule in that. It's not a less-than illness or something to be taken lightly. It's not something to "snap out of" or "stop worrying about". It hurts, it's debilitating and it can ruin - and end - lives. Just because you don't (want) to see it; doesn't mean it isn't there.

2. There are people fighting battles with depression, anxiety and other illnesses and conditions you cannot see and may not be aware of. I am one of them. Admitting that this is something I battle with doesn't make me weak or attention-seeking, or even limited in my faith. Rather, it is an act of courage, an empowerment and another acknowledgement of my need for a Saviour.

3. There is Hope. This is not your definition or your demise. There is help. You do not have to walk this road alone.

Please, do your bit to learn more about mental health. Know how to look for signs that someone you love may be struggling, and what you can do to help. Let's raise awareness and take this on together.

Dedicating Bayley

For some or other reason, unlike with the boys, we went through nearly a whole year of Bayley's life before thinking about the fact that we hadn't yet officially dedicated Bayley (in church). It's both a big deal, and not. I mean, we feel dedicating our children to God is both a beautiful and faithful thing. We also, though, feel free to do things not in a religious, methodical way, because we have living relationships with Christ, and in that sense, we dedicated Bayley the moment we found out about her.

Anyway, we were trying to find the right time, and eventually came to the conclusion that there was none, but that it would be special to do it around her birthday. It just also happened that there was a long weekend round then, and what's better than a celebration on a Sunday? A public holiday on the Monday to recover, that's what!

So on Sunday 23 September, we had our Bayley Bug dedicated to the Lord. It was great to have our friends and family witness it with us, especially those who for many years have not been around to be able to share in it. But we also really missed Bayley's one godmother, Tarrin, and her family in Ireland, and the duPs in America.

Truthfully, what was meant to be a really low-key event grew into something so much more significant, we decided, last minute, to also just celebrate her upcoming first birthday three days early too. And I'm glad we did. We had our family and a few close friends meet up with us after lunch, and enjoyed a warm and sunny afternoon in the playground - chatting, playing rugby, eating and just enjoying each other's company. It was a good day!

By the way: the beautiful party pics were captured by our friend Jolene Voges. Please check out her website www.jolenev.co.za or look her up on Facebook on @jolenevphoto.

Bayley Turns 1!

There is still something about first birthdays in particular that take you right back to where you were the year before. It's amazing the clarity with which I remember everything (except for the pain). I'm full of nostalgia thinking about missing a high school class reunion to meet my beautiful girl...


Dear Bayley, my almost one-year-old girl...

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that you - or anyone, really - could change my world the way you do.

Not many people know this: practically all my grown up life, I have been terrified of having a daughter. There are many reasons, but I suppose the dominant one was being afraid of and overwhelmed by the immense (self-inflicted) pressure of raising a young woman who fits somewhere between Proverbs 31 and the feminist movement.

In many ways, you weren't in my plans. But you were always God's plan for me. And I'm so very grateful for you. The journey of waiting that you took me on, from the moment I found out about you, to the moment - a week after your due date - when you were born, has left an indelible mark on my life that continues to impact me even now.

You are the most precious, loveliest little thing. You are full of joy; always smiling. You make everyone's day, every day, and your eyes dance as you unobstructively laugh from your belly. You are contented and secure; like you know who you are and don't waste your time needing anyone's approval for anything. You do things your own way in your own time (you always have), and you have enough chill for the both of us. And yet you're also strong, fearless and bold. Full of adventure and fun. You are both warrior and princess.

It is my prayer that you'll never lose this beautiful balance. You have been created in the image of the Father, for a time such as this, and you will know love, loyalty and life like no other in simple surrender and service to Christ. With Him you can change the world, Bug, and I have a feeling you will.

My darling girl, you will be doted on forever, and protected all your life. Your brothers will see to that. And you will never be without a friend in them. I look forward to all the adventures you'll embark on together.

Bayley Cate. My daughter. My constant reminder of God's faithfulness, His presence and His sovereignty. I never knew how much I missed you until you arrived. You are so, so loved.

Six Going on Sixteen

It's two days past Zac's birthday, so this post is already late - but then we did have a minor hospital visit we had to contend with. Ordinarily this lack of birthday blog preparedness and consistency would bend me out of shape, so it's pleasantly surprising that this delay has allowed me to do a retrospective post this year.

Zac, you are complex. That's putting it mildly. And your sixth year that's just passed has been both interesting and challenging, because you are no longer a pre-schooler stuck in the in-between of baby and big. You are now a grown boy. Of course, navigating this cross over is a learning curve, and we've knocked heads a number of times (two strong wills, one on either side of an argument, is going to do that plenty still).  It's easy to get caught up in the difficulties - mostly because they are few and far between when compared to the good times, and so we remember them better - but I want to celebrate and remember the good things; the stuff that is the essence of who you are. Because I realise that's what everyone sees in you, all the time, even through tantrum-tinted glasses.

You are so bright. Oh my word. You have an understanding of the world and people, and things you shouldn't even be thinking about yet, that is, well, intimidating, if I'm honest. But it's a pleasure to hear you read to your siblings, and have you programme things on my phone, or set the laptop up for movies; and what would I do without you being able to turn the oven on and off? What's the best though is that you have a heart full of desire to learn, and in that you lovingly encourage others to as well.

"A blessed 6th birthday to our little 'professor' Zac Klaasen... Jesus loves you so much and we love you too!"

All of a sudden, you are sport crazy! First it was swimming. Then cricket. Then rugby. Then formula one. Now football and cycling. And it's not that you jump from one interest to the other; you simply add to a growing list of disciplines, activities and events that you are actually obsessed with.

"Happy birthday to our cricket-crazy Zac-iii! You are so much brain is a small-y body... and the cutest mouthful of perfect square teeth. We love you so much..."

You are loving. You are committed and put time and effort into relationships. You enjoy fellowship with others; to engage. Of course, there are times this comes in the form of conflict, but you are sensitive and pure in heart, so you apologise and reconcile willingly. And you love Jesus. You are an authentic worshipper, and love serving in His house.

"Happy birthday gorgeous boy. What a blessing you are in our lives... a true gentleman with a heart for the Lord."

Zac James, you can drive me mad, but you sure do make me proud. I'm learning that all your qualities are purposeful, and that if I can do my bit to hone them without stifling them, you'll one day be able to use them to do great things. I love you, my boy. You made me a mom, and it has been the most wonderful privilege to watch you grow. You make me so much better than I could be without you, and I'm excited by the many more adventures I know you'll take me on. Love you forever, x

Family Bucket List: Term 2

It's report time again! Here is how we are fairing on our family bucket list for the first half of the year. I'm pleased to say there are a good couple we achieved in Term 1 already, so this is an update on what we have left.

Goal: Try camping alone as a family, in a tent
Progress: Slow
Comment: We wanted to do this late April, but the had a family engagement happen on the same weekend. We'll have to try Spring, if possible!

Goal: Play more family games
Progress: On track
Comment: Winter has helped us to make more of the time we have together indoors. UNO and other games have made a re-appearance in our living room!

Goal: Eat less bread
Progress: On track
Comment: I have decided to lower my carb intake and reduce the amount of bread I eat. I'd like to get back to eating no bread, but while I'm still nursing Bayley I'm willing to sacrifice the bod for the baby.

Goal: Explore a different part of South Africa
Progress:Far behind
Comment: I'm not sure we're going to get this one done with all the other travel related things we're meant to do. Maybe we can make the most of being in the Garden Route in July and make that count?

Goal: Make Bayley's baby book
Progress: On track
Comment: I've been making notes of milestones and keeping all the special pics as she develops. The book making process itself is going to take a while though; it always does. I'm going to target September holidays for this.

Goal: Send Isla and Luke a postcard each month
Progress: Failed
Comment: We have not sent a single postcard. I could blame the price of postcards or the unreliability of the SA postal service, but truthfully, I think even if these elements were in our favour, I'd still struggle to get it done.

Goals: Cook Christmas lunch + travel overseas + visit the Weber and Graham families
Progress: On track
Comment: Yes, we are set to do all of this, in December, in the UK. Woohoo!

Goals: Create a wall garden + grow herbs
Progress: Slow
Comment: I really want to do this, but not even Checkers' Little Garden is helping here. I need someone who is better with DIY than Andel and I are.

Goal: Do more promenade or trail walks together
Progress: Slow
Comment: We didn't do enough of this while we could, and now it's raining (thankfully!) so we are attempting a variation on this, and are going to start doing a family swim session each weekend. Assuming I can get into my costume...

Goal: Learn more about nature and animals
Progress: Slow
Comment: I'm not deliberate enough about this - but I have a plan! This holiday, we're going to try spend more time focusing on achieving this by doing things like visiting the museum or the aquarium etc. My kids are super keen, and so am I!

Goal: Practise not raising our voices when we speak to each other
Progress: Steady
Comment: We don't have this down yet, but we are a lot more mindful about it, and are reminding each other that added volume is not always necessary or effective.


All in all, I'm actually quite pleasantly surprised by how we're faring. Apart from one or two irrecoverable fails, we're actually progressing quite nicely. And now that I've done this exercise of checking up, I'm actually super keen to start ticking some more things off the list!

A Surprise Sadness

I have to admit, I wasn't so keen when we initially got her. She was unexpected, she was expensive, and she came at the cost of my other baby. I didn't really think that I'd become attached, or that I would be so sad to say goodbye.

But thinking back over the years, as we have built a life together, we have banked many memories, and our black 2006 Avant Garde Mercedes C200 Sportswagon was part of many of them.

She first greeted me as a student teacher. I had literally been dropped at school with one car (my beloved Opel Corsa, made redundant by its two doors and our growing family), and was collected by another. She seemed a little too fancy for my liking, but Andel loved the German engineering and sixth gear, and the luxury and comfort of traveling in her grew on me. She allowed me to change baby Zac's nappy in the roomy boot, and safely raced us to the hospital later that year (and a couple more times thereafter) when Zac needed oxygen (or Sam took one of his many tumbles).

She reminded us that we were now a family. She took us to too many house viewings than we could care to admit, and carted carloads of boxes in many trips when we bought our new home. She faithfully transported Sam home after he was born, and miraculously made space for a third person on the back seat once Bayley arrived. She loaded sports balls, push-bikes, twin-prams, baby bags, and Andel's beloved Scott with ease - and we never had to keep our groceries at our feet!

Her greatest feat, however, was when she kept us safe on Sunday 13 May 2018 at 20h30 when we were hit by a wreckless drunk driver on our way home. We were all in the car, and - minus the whiplash - not seriously harmed. If you were to look at her, the damage looks minimal. But, the car has legitimately been written off, and all the experts agree, had we been in a different car, we may have been telling a different story.

To be honest, she has grown to feel as much a part of our family as the humans who for the last five years have been riding in her, and seeing her being towed away on the flatbed last night left us all feeling a little sad.

Perhaps (in an attempt to find some silver lining) it is better that while we can't keep her; neither can anyone else. This way she will always stay our Beaute Noire.

The Baby or The Bod?

Disclaimer: Even though I know this conundrum is shared by many, I'm going to speak only for myself here. 

Bayley is now 8 months old. She is a bubbly and boisterous, and rather reluctant baby. After all, when you can be big like your brothers, there's no fun in being bound to cots, chairs and crawling on the floor. She wants to stand and walk, throw things around, and shriek with excitement, just like they do.

I am 8 months postpartum and still 8kg short of reaching my pre-pregnancy weight. A whole 8kg! Now, I know better than to put absolute values here; I know that people come in different shapes and sizes. So to help you understand this is in the context of my life: all this basically means is that since giving birth last September, I have lost less than half my pregnancy weight. Usually I advocate taking it easy and taking at least the time it took to put the weight on, to lose it. But I'm sure you can understand my angst now that that time is approaching, and I don't foresee any miraculous shrinking this month.

The trouble is: I know what to do (spoiler alert: the answer is low-carb-high-fat with intermittent fasting) and I know that it will work, relatively fast too. I have done it before, at this same stage after Sam's birth. But, apart from the discipline that I'm not sure I have right now, I know it will have a negative effect on my nursing journey - in particular, being able to express for Bayley during the day.

You see, my boys mix fed (breast-milk and formula) between 6 and 12 months meaning that I didn't really have to express. Bayley, however, has only ever had expressed milk while we're apart, and I feel a bit like we're on such a good wicket, I want to keep it going.

So is it the baby or the body?

Please don't misunderstand: of course my baby is far more important than my body! Even at my very best, I'm no supermodel! Still, I don't quite recognise the body I find myself in. I'm used to at least feeling relatively fit and healthy. And not fitting into my clothes, or having a few extra rolls here, or having less space there - that all makes me feel not fit and healthy!

And this time around, I have the extra perspective and responsibility (courtesy of now being a mom of a daughter) of not wanting to body shame myself or model to my children that one can only be fit/healthy/happy when you're skinnier.

There's no answer to this story. Sorry! I guess I'm trying to learn as I go along.
Are there things that can be cut out of my current diet (baked goods, refined carbs and junk food) - absolutely!
Are there things that are not low carb that are not the worst things (think fruits, veg etc.) - probably.
Will Bayley need me to express forever - no.

Here's to life. And to trying to achieve some sort of balance.

Catch Up

A lot has happened since I last posted. Here are some of the highlights:

We got the kids' passports!
Following our Pyjama Day at Home Affairs we went back and managed to get the passports done - in less than half an hour! I don't even know what to say about that: that we could be there 9 hours and get nothing done, and then be there 30 minutes and get everything done. And then to open them and find that Sam looked like a character in Blades of Glory, thanks to a hair and photo crop that would have been neater had he done it himself. I have no words.

We were in an accident
It was Mother's Day evening, and we were heading some from my folks when we were hit by a drunk driver. We are incredibly thankful that we did not get hit the intersection before when he was coming out of a side road. We are still very annoyed, however, that we got hit at all! The kids and I had to have whiplash treatment, and the subsequent expenses and inconveniences are a continuous headache! While we were saved by the tow-bar and the fact that we were driving a station-wagon, sadly, we have to get a new car.

We got a new niece/cousin!
On Tuesday 22nd May, Andel's brother and sister-in-law welcomed their third daughter, McKenzie Quin into the Klaasen family. She's a bit of a medical celebrity following the fact that when she was born it was discovered that she had a knot in her umbilical cord! She's perfect though, and such a sweet and compliant baby. She is not the least bit concerned about the fact that her older sister wants to move out because of her.

We are going on a holiday!
Yep, in this season of not planning, God has given us something to look forward to at the end of the year when we go to visit the Weber and Graham families in the UK.

And how's this for favour: we had originally found incredibly priced tickets going via Dubai. We probably would have booked them earlier if not for the fact that we needed passport numbers to do the booking, and the kids' passports were not ready yet. I checked every day. I kid you not. Finally, when the passports arrived, we were super excited to book - only to find that the ticket price had gone up by 30%. We were devastated, and ready to call it a day on our dreams of a white Christmas. Then, while looking for dates around our original dates, hoping to get something similar there, we found direct flights only a little more expensive than our original detour one.

It's nearly holidays so I'm hopeful I'll be better at sticking to our blogging goals. Check out Family Bucket List: Term 2 to see how we're doing with that and everything else.

Pyjama Day

Today we had a pyjama day - although not the kind you would expect on Day 4 of a five-day-long weekend.

Truth be told, when we decided to keep our kids in their sleepwear as we roused them out of bed at 05h30 this morning, we didn't think they'd be in them all day. We simply thought it was easiest and most comfortable for them to be kept warm and undisturbed when we bundled them into the car and head to Home Affairs to get their biometrics for their passports.

Thank goodness I packed toys and something to eat.

I stood in the queue outside the building for two hours before it started moving. It was 06h00 when I jumped out of the car at the traffic light, and joined the line snaking around the first block (it would be around another full block before the office would even open). It was dark and pretty cold, so Andel stayed in the car in the parking lot with the kids. Someone nearby me counted that we were around #175 in the queue. Apparently the guy at the front was wrapped in a blanket as though he had spent the night waiting for golden circle concert tickets. Except, of course, he wasn't. By the time I made it to the mall entrance around 08h00, Andel was waiting with the kids, who had already watched Captain Underpants on his phone, and were characteristically starving. I took pre-made sarmies from my bag and watched them devour that along with an apple each. Had I known how much longer we'd still be there, I'd have rationed their portions.

The already 110m-long queue at 06h00 this morning

It didn't take long for us to make it to the passage outside the DHA offices, and at that stage I was both optimistic that we'd be out before it was totally uncool for my kids still to be in pyjamas, and pretty chuffed that despite waiting three hours already, I had not yet lost the plot or my testimony. Little did I know, we'd be there four painstakingly long hours more before we were even allowed inside.

The physically shorter but other wise as long queue inside

I feel it's necessary to mention here that today was a South African school holiday. The powers that be (correctly) decided that one day of school between two public holidays and weekend was definitely not going to be productive, and allowed everyone the day off. It was not, however, a holiday for Andel, who was confident he'd make it to work more or less on time. This was not to be. It was around 14h30, when the system went offline for the third time, that Andel decided he had to get to work (meaning that he would have to work a closing shift), and although I stayed - with the help of my aunt who came to my aid (bless her soul) - I already knew our mission was over and unsuccessful.

Already feeling over the wait - only half way through

When we arrived home around 15h30 without nothing but three exhausted kids to show for our nine-hour long experience, we were almost more relieved to be back home than we were disappointed to have still not sorted out the passports. Almost. The sad reality is that we have to do this again sometime. All five of us. Again.

I now have feeding, changing and sleeping on the floor down

I could write about the lack of logic in the processes, the challenge of having and controlling three children between five years and seven months for nine hours, or the injustices we witnessed in the wait. Maybe I will still. For tonight though, it's enough that, even today, was unforgettable holiday experience. Never may it be repeated. Please. Ever.

Rugby Firsts

Not long ago, Andel bravely took the boys and two of their cousins (that's four kids between 8 and 3 years old) to watch some test cricket at Newlands. To say that it was a hit with them would be a major understatement, as they basically still haven't stopped talking about it. It was at the end of the season though, and so we weren't able to take them again, despite many requests.

This weekend, Andel was given some rugby tickets for the Super Rugby match between the Stormers and the Rebels, so we decided to take the boys.

The weather wasn't great. Just before we left home it started drizzling steadily, and I was not certain that walking the kids in the rain from the parking to the stadium was a good idea. I was even more concerned about where we were going to sit, and whether or not it would be in a steady stream of rain for the entire match. (I'm telling you: being a Captonian at present is hard! We are so excited about and grateful for every drop of rain that falls, and feel terribly guilty about any thoughts of it being an inconvenience).

Thankfully the drizzle was light and intermittent, so we were able to get the boys to the stadium without really getting wet. As we walked towards our gate, they shrieked with delight at being able to see the field, and for a moment, I took in their joy and excitement for something I have for a long time already taken for granted. We ended up sitting behind the try line - a great spot for Zac who wanted to see the kicks go through the posts. Sam, a little less interested in the rugby, still enjoyed being able to see the players scrum, and hardly missed a beat as we entered when he said, "hey, what's that I smell? I smell donuts!".

I think Andel's waited a long time for this

Full of excitement walking to the stadium

Sam getting in on the action as well

Before the game: wondering what we'd let ourselves in for

Zac giving his analysis - obviously

Sammy taking in the atmosphere

It was a good afternoon; everything you imagine when you think of watching rugby on a wintery afternoon. The boys were bundled up in their beanies, munching on hot chips, and treated to chocolate. Their team won, and they had to race each other to the car to avoid getting caught in the rain. When they collapsed into bed later that night, they were still smiling about what they'd experienced.

I suspect there will be many more such days in my future. I can't wait!

Pause

In an attempt to stay abreast of my blogging goals - and because I haven't one a post like this in a while - here's what's going on in my space currently:

I'm thinking about... the changes that are going to take place over the next few months. For one, I recently resigned from my job, and am taking up a new post elsewhere. It's been one of the toughest professional decisions I've ever had to make. I really have loved the environment, staff and team I work in/with, and I'm going to miss it terribly. I do think though, that the time is right for a move. Of course, this inevitably leads to a number of other subsequent changes - but I'm trying not to dwell on that yet; tomorrow has enough worries of its own, right?

I'm watching... The Good Doctor. It's just finished its first season both locally and abroad, and is based on a South Korean programme, I believe. It follows the personal and professional journey of a first year surgical resident who happens to have Austism and Savant Syndrome. I'm a bit of a sucker for medical drama anyway, however, it's really Freddie Highmore's exceptional performance as Dr Shaun Murphy that has me eagerly awaiting each episode.

I'm listening to... mash ups, mostly. Zac has this new thing where he combines - mid singing - different songs, with pretty impressive skill (and melodic process), I might add. I also have two ear-worms at the moment: So Will I (off Hillsong's There is More album) and Reckless Love (by Cory Asbury).

I'm loving... the relief from the unrelenting heat that we have been experiencing of late. It rained a bit last week, and then today all day. Cape Town desperately needs so much rain, I'm thankful even though it's a logistical nightmare at work. I much prefer Winter anyway, and it's a real treat being able to lay in bed at night with my tea, chocolate and babies.

I'm busy... among other things, I'm trying to get my kids' passports renewed. At this point I've completed the online applications (and paid for them), but I have yet to make that painful trip to the government facility to submit their bio-metric data. I fear it's going to take all day. There may be a separate blog post on that experience.

I'm going to... Mothers Day Connect again this year. It's a wonderful initiative by Embrace to serve and support moms in hospital on Mother's Day. In groups we spend an hour with these moms sharing experiences, giving encouragement, and just letting them know that they are part of a wider village of women looking out for the welfare of moms and children. For more information on this in your area, please visit www.embrace.org.za and sign up.

I'm battling with... what I think is a tummy bug. I know there's been a terrible one doing the rounds, I'm just not sure that it's that. I basically woke up feeling pretty lousy - belly aches, lack of appetite, toilet runs. Great for weight-loss! Not so great for everything else. I really hope it's one of those 24hour jobs.

I'm resolving to... enjoy the weekend. Thursday evening marks the start of a 5-day-long weekend for us, and instead of using it to catch up on work or clean the house (as I feel I need to do), I'm going to enjoy it with Andel and the kids. It would be nice to go away, but even if we don't (can't), I'm going to be deliberate with my time and choices, and focus on making good memories together.