You know, when you find out that you’re pregnant, it’s naturally a time of great excitement. Everyone is wondering whether it’s a girl or a boy, and who s/he’s going to look like. Every person you bump into has an opinion on whether your bump is too big or too small, and women who’ve been pregnant before you (or not even) are giving advice and warnings at every opportunity: what birth plan to go for, whether to take meds or not, how much maternity leave is enough… It becomes quite a lot to deal with. And it really doesn’t ease up after the birth: should you sleep train or comfort, co-sleep or not, demand feed or schedule? My experience has typified this; I had really heard it all!
Except how overwhelmed I would feel that first week: how my lack of knowledge and experience would far outweigh the ‘inconvenience’ of lack of sleep, how I’d have night-sweats and bleeding, how my baby would chew away at my aching breasts, and how his belly stump would ooze gunk even after it’d fallen off – they seemed to have left those parts out.
They also didn’t mention how my heart would explode with love, and spill over and out into my arms. They didn’t tell me how natural it would feel to be covered in wee and spit-up milk, and to wake at the first sound of my boy stirring. They forgot to say how quickly I would fall in love with his scent and his face, and how I would voluntarily watch him sleep for hours just to gaze upon the miracle of his creation, and adoringly wonder how this beautiful boy could possibly be my child.
And maybe that’s not all bad. To have discovered this over the last 5 weeks has been a journey I wouldn’t trade for the world. As I write this Zac is sleeping in his crib next to me. He’s been ill with bronchiolitis this week so far, and although his bad cough and tight chest have been really scary at times, he’s been smiling through it all. If I wasn’t sure how much I loved him, this week has shown me. And what’s more: it’s taught me about the love our Daddy God has for us. That He could love me even more than this blows my mind.
|"What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! |
Just look at it - we are called children of God!"
1 John 3:1a ~ The Message
Ps. In case you weren’t certain God loves me: I received my academic results, and despite being pregnant throughout my year of studying, I have passed cum laude! I also got a wonderful surprise from work: I am getting 6 weeks paid maternity leave, and got a 1st semester bonus, meaning that all my maternity leave is covered financially. Praise God! ...I told you He loves me!