Pretty much everyone I speak to right now is feeling some kind of overwhelmed. For some it's work deadlines, for others it's simply that time of year - beginning of a new (calendar) year, end of an old (financial) year - it's hot (if you happen to live in the Western Cape), there are still tourists, taxis and sadly, much trouble. For those of us who are moms, feeling overwhelmed has simply become an extension of everyday life,weaving us through one year to the next. And I'm beginning to think there's something a little wrong with that.
What is it about mothers that make them believe that need to do it all, have it all, be it all - precariously juggling everything at once? If I can find the person who first planted this seed of thought, I'll wring her bloody neck (I know it has to be a woman because I have yet to find a single man who is wired this way).
As I write this I am feeling all of the above. Let's just take this blog as an example. I have not completed or published a single post since before Christmas (that was six weeks ago, for anyone who's counting) simply because I diligently blogged about each of the first 18 days we were away, and I basically just can't bear to leave that unfinished. During this time, I have also travelled half way across the world, bought a house, potty trained Zac and started work - all while being now heavily pregnant - and yet, I still feel so unaccomplished when I see what some of the other mommies around me are doing - making gourmet dinners, hosting parties, starting sideline businesses, raising perfect kids (the list could go on).
Enough is enough! When are we going to get that we can't have and be it all, to everyone, every day - and be ok with it?
If you were hoping for some epiphany here, you're going to be disappointed. I don't have the answer. But here are my resolutions for 2015 (because that's what we do at the start of the year, right?):
1. I am going to care less about the state of our house. Provided that it is clean and safe, I'm not going to get into a tizz if a bed wasn't made or a dish wasn't washed. Our home is played in, lived in, loved in.
2. I am going to learn to say "no" - not because I want to let people down or not help them, but simply because I cannot be everywhere doing everything. I'm going to prioritise and commit only to what I am able, when I am able.
3. I am going to cut myself some slack when I fail to meet my own (sometimes insane) standards. This includes things like regular blogging, 90% home cooked meals, forward planning, and wanting to do everything perfectly.
4. I am going to trust God to fulfill His promises and provide for what we need. He does not need me to have a back up plan on His behalf. I am going to, wisely, spend some money (as opposed to trying to save every cent for some up and coming disaster). I am going to dream bigger than I am able to make happen on my own. I am going to rest.
5. I am going to enjoy my life. It's far too short to spend so much of every year trying to be Superwoman. I'm a fallen - and saved - constantly being renewed and refined woman who has experienced God's grace, and I don't have to ever have it altogether, because the one who holds my whole world in His hand, already does.
Happy 2015 all!
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