The Star Chart

Who knew the power of a laminated page and a set of stickers - certainly not I, or I would have started this years ago! Where has this magic been all my parenting life?

Psychology agrees, there is power in a correctly utilised reward system - like the Star Chart. It's a wonderful tool to encourage good behaviour patterns, discourage negative traits, and reward children for acquiring new skills, creating new (good) habits, and learning responsibility. I think it benefits the parents too: if nothing else, it helps us to focus on the positive in our children (and let's be honest: we all fall into the trap of only seeing the bad sometimes),  Of course, I do realise, there is a window in which one can use this most effectively. And at last - hallelujah - this window in my life has opened!

Here are some of the guidelines that I have followed, in this hopes that this will work out for them and me:

1. Tasks
I quickly realised that the desired results - behaviour, tasks and responsibilities - were going to be different for each boy. After all, they are three years apart, with vastly different abilities. Also, they are battling different things, and the chart needs to reflect the areas in which we - and they - would like to see improvement. So, we have two charts: one for Zac, and one for Sam. There is some overlap (like ensuring their teeth are brushed, or going to bed on time) but for the rest, they are pretty individualised.

2. Target
It's important that the target - in our case, a certain number of stars per week - is something that is not elusive, but also not a given. We have set different targets for the boys, based on their age and the chance of them achieving their respective daily goals, and made it something that is attainable with a bit of consistent effort on their parts.

3. Triumph
Each child also has their own reward, that we agree on together. I get that if they are not each involved in their reward, it's simply another thing I have added to their list of things to do and rules to keep. Getting them involved in choosing their prize, means they are invested in it, and committed to do whatever to receive it. Zac tends to go with bigger (more expensive) rewards, so we have to break it up in chunks. Setting too high a target that will take a longer time to achieve is going to run out of motivation steam fast. A series of smaller rewards that add up to the big one will help him keep his eye on the prize.

4. Timing
Consistency is key - from both sides. If I want their new behaviour to continue beyond the lifespan of the chart, I have to ensure that I catch them doing the right thing, acknowledge it immediately, and not delay on promised rewards. While I don't believe it's necessary to make a song and dance of it each time (I mean: heaven forbid these kids should grow up wanting fanfare every time they do what they should be doing anyway), I do have to confirm for them that they are improving in whatever they are doing. And, while we're at it - let's encourage them to do these things with excellence rather than mediocrity.

The excitement this addition to the kitchen wall has made, is beyond me. It's been just two days, and already Zac can make a bed near military standards. Both boys are eager to please - long may it last!