Bucket List: Do Date Days

This is probably my favourite bucket list item. It's something that is intentional and engaging in terms of parenting, and a tradition I hope to be able to do for years to come - or as long as the kids will allow me to.

The idea is that each month, on the date of their birthday, I take that child for an exclusive date activity / outing, just the two of us.  We trialed it out in February. And admittedly, I didn't give it enough thought because Sam's birthday is on the 30th, and there isn't a 30th in February (try explaining that to Zac who is completely black and white when it comes to rules or processes). Anyway, the wobble was excused as a teething problem of the initial date.

It's funny - and wonderful - how different people are, especially my boys. For Zac's date, it had to be on the day. At first he wanted to go somewhere to have Slush Puppy. I searched high and low for a place to do this that didn't involve going to the movies where one drink would set me back at least R50. Turns out, I didn't need to look because as I got home (after a date finish, mind you) Zac declared that he had changed his mind, and that he'd prefer to go to a local kids eatery where he could play. It was a tough realisation for Zac that a date did not usually involve one party playing and the other watching (or waiting),  so as a compromise I allowed him to play until our order arrived. Thankfully Zac had eaten dinner beforehand, and so, at his request we caught up for an hour chatting and colouring over a  massive sundae that, despite my new eating ideas, we shared. It was worth every calorie.

By contrast, Sam's date was a little more random. He didn't mind that we had to change our initial month end plans (we had forgotten that in order for us to be out on month-end during the week, we needed Andel home, and he had his own month-end responsibilities at work). In fact, in leading up to our date, when I asked what he wanted to do, he basically told me that as long as it involved something to eat, a story before bed, and me tickling him to sleep, he was happy. And so, we had our time after school one day. I had to be around the campus until an event ended, so we didn't go far. We curled up on a sofa in my office, and hung out over tea and milk tart, chatting and cuddling as one can only do when you have a three-year old. He was delighted to tell Zac all about it when we got home, and held me to my story and tickle at bedtime.

The truth is: I am so aware that these are moments that are fleeting, and if I don't take the opportunities as they arise, I will miss out. Our family routine so often involves rushing from one place to the next, I usually do have more than one kid in tow, and it's impossible to connect with them individually and meaningfully that way. By taking time out - just one day a month - to spend exclusive quality time with each of them, I can celebrate their uniqueness, and build on the foundation of love that started even before they were born, in quiet moments of solitude marvelling at the miracle of being able to mother them.

For now, Bayley is too young to go on a date, but it's wonderful the awareness this practice has created, even with her. As I get to nurse her to sleep at night, or breathe in the babyness that she is outgrowing all too quickly, I imagine that already now, she is aware that we too have a special connection that is just ours. And I can't wait to get to share more of that as she grow up.