Single Digits

 A bit of a blur. 

That’s how I’d describe the last few weeks. I blame it partly on the multiple, daily Covid-induced naps, partly on the hustle and bustle of the silly season, and mostly on the endless list of things to do for everyone heading into this year. Significantly, this blur has brought us within single digits of Zac’s departure. 

Surprisingly, after my wobble at the 6-week mark, I have actually been ok. No emotional outbursts, leaking eyes, or existential crises (yet). In fact, as I have sat sewing labels onto every item of Zac’s clothes (100 and counting), I have become increasingly excited at this opportunity for him. Even with him being ill, I was relieved to have had it happen here, at home. Rationally knowing that nothing could or would have been done differently means nothing to a control-freak mom like me. God, in His mercy, has allowed me to already have experienced my “worst” health fears for Zac, and I’m grateful for it. 

With a week left at home, Zac remains steadfast in his commitment and anticipation to leave. But I have seen him realise just how different it will be. He was vocal in his dislike of isolation, and had to adjust to being separated from Sam (with whom he has shared a room for two thirds of his life). I have also noticed him persevere in patience and gentleness with Bayley, and cuddle a little closer and longer with Andel and me. There is no doubt this is going to change his life - and rattle his cage - but he is unafraid, and I am so proud of him for that. 

Despite our best attempts to keep the next week simple, I suspect the haze we are in will remain as we do all the goodbyes, and extend beyond that into our 3000km road trip. And let’s not forget about the emotional cataclysm I’m expecting sometime thereafter. Nevertheless, we continue to take one day at a time; powered by the Peace that passes all understanding.