Growing in Grace

The penny dropped rather unexpectedly, right in the middle of my tea-and-lemon-poppy-seed-muffin-breakfast: I do not yet really understand or live by the principles of Grace.

This particular morning I found myself at a ladies' breakfast at a local church. It was my first breakfast, accompanying my sister (because sitting in a room full of spirit-filled warrior women so much better than me was not really something I would voluntarily subject myself to, especially not alone), and I honestly think I was just expecting a feel-good experience. What should have been a 'generic' edification for all the women in the room, turned out to be a direct message from God, to me.

As I listened to this speaker, I saw her words form a picture of a woman that upon closer inspection I recognised to be me. She spoke about the pursuit of perfection, wanting to do everything excellently - even heartily as unto the Lord - and in that, leaving no room for grace. No room for grace for others, and even more significantly, no room for grace for me.

I realised I have spent the majority of my life doing just that - relentlessly chasing excellence for a sense of self-worth and acceptance, trying to 'please' God, and then feeling so short-changed when others who had done seemingly less or in the 'wrong' way received a reward exactly like mine (or worse - even better than mine!). It became clear to me that I had not yet really understood or accepted the principles of grace:

While the law pushes us to achieve, arrive and accomplish, grace talks about humbly serving everyone else. While law disqualifies those who don't 'make it', grace invites everyone in, mess and all. While law brings justice, grace brings healing. Grace eradicates both justice and self-sufficiency. It is not forceful - we must ask for it. It does not make logical sense or demand a set criteria be met. It meets us where you are, without expectation. Grace is not interested in us meeting the standard. Grace is all about us meeting Christ.

It's taken me 30 years to figure this out, and I know this is a lesson I'll have to continuously learn throughout my life, but oh what a relief it is to have the load of the law lifted from my shoulders.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now am found; was blind but now I see."